


y'all gay or something?

by heaven_severed



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: F/F, Georgie Survives, M/M, bev is a lesbian because i'm gay and i said so, gc fic but Dumb, my master doc of this fic is called stupid™ and that sums it up, reddies how we feelin, the losers share two (2) braincells and mike always has them, the pennywise thing happened but also not really, they all just be...lovin each other, they start out around 16 but i have no sense of timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2020-08-09 21:57:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 54,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20124493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heaven_severed/pseuds/heaven_severed
Summary: poison ivy: damn y’all gay or something?oscar the loved: maybe soed eds and eddie: no.poison ivy: i seepythagoras: and i feel gay in this chili’s tonightlavagirl: moodpoison ivy: moodirl stardew: mood





	1. learn how to beHAVE

**Author's Note:**

> the usernames change a lot throughout so as of the start:  
richie: bichard  
eddie: eddie NOT eds  
mike: irl stardew  
stan: poison ivy  
bill: pythagoras  
bev: lavagirl  
ben: sharkboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pythagoras: learn how to beHAVE
> 
> irl stardew: thank u bill for ur service
> 
> lavagirl: thank god
> 
> poison ivy: time to sleep™
> 
> sharkboy: good night y’all

**™™™ the loser’s club™™™**

_17:56_

**lavagirl:** i’ve made a shocking revelation

** _lavagirl_ ** _ changed **billy goat**’s name to **pythagoras**_

**pythagoras:** bev what the fuck

**poison ivy:** i don’t get it

**bichard:** hOLY SHIT

**eddie NOT eds:** bev oh my god

**irl stardew:** i’m confused

**lavagirl:** you fools...

**sharkboy:** i’m...

**bichard:** [triangle.jpg]

**lavagirl:** eddie and richie get me

**poison ivy:** OH MY GOD JSNGSKDJGNJKSH

**irl stardew:** god DAMN bev did you have to drag bill so hard

**sharkboy:** holy fucking shit

**pythagoras:** this is a personal fucking attack

i hate you guys

**lavagirl:** but bill 

i love you

**pythagoras:** do you. do you really.

**bichard:** we are but the messengers of the epiphany sent to bev from the heavens

**pythagoras:** BLOCKT 

**irl stardew:** stan is still wheezing

i think you guys killed him

_ 23:41 _

** _eddie NOT eds _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _ed edd and eddie_ **

**bichard: **false

** _bichard_ ** _ changed _ ** _ed edd and eddie_**_’s name to _ ** _ed eds and eddie_ **

**ed eds and eddie: **richard i swear to god if you change my name one more god damn time

**irl stardew:** oh no

**poison ivy:** take shelter

** _ed eds and eddie _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _ed edd and eddie_ **

**pythagoras:** not this again

**lavagirl: **this is the third time this week

**bichard: **not in this household

** _bichard _ ** _ changed _ ** _ed edd and eddie_**_'__s name to _ ** _ed eds and eddie_ **

**ed eds and eddie:** boy if u don’t

**bichard:** love u too babe

**ed eds and eddie: **die

[thelawsofthisland.jpg]

**bichard:** <333

**poison ivy:** …he didn’t change it back

**sharkboy: **shhh don’t remind him

**lavagirl:** that's gay

** _pythagoras _ ** _ removed _ ** _bichard _ ** _ and _ ** _ed eds and eddie _ ** _ from the chat _

**pythagoras: **learn how to beHAVE

**irl stardew: **thank u bill for ur service

**lavagirl:** thank god

**poison ivy:** time to sleep™

**sharkboy: **good night y’all

**don’t answer -> stanny the xanny**

_ 23:59 _

**richie:** add me back

**stan:** not until you tell eddie you love him

**richie:** chaotic evil stan

**stan:** i’d consider it more chaotic good considering the deed i’d be doing you and our friend group 

**richie:** those were Too Many Words

**stan:** you really are a whole dumbass huh

talk to eddie

**beever -> young beever**

_ 00:00 _

**bev:** fuckin gayass

**eddie: **BEV NO DHGJSGHJHJSJHG

**bev: **and before u ask no i won’t add u back

**eddie: **:^(

**bev:** sending richie death threats isn’t exactly flirting

**eddie: **bITCH

**bev:** don’t disrespect your mother

just tell him already!!!!!

fuckin gayass

**eddie:** fuck you mom

**stanny baby -> woo loo woo queen! **

_ 00:42 _

**stan:** did they do it

**bev:** think so

**stan:** they’re so fuckin dumb huh

_ 00:45 _

**bev:** ok eddie started yelling at me it definitely happened

**stan:** fucking finally

**™™™the loser’s club™™™**

_ 00:47 _

** _poison ivy_ ** _ added _ ** _bichard_ ** _ and _ ** _ed eds and eddie_ ** _ to the chat _

**poison ivy:** welcome back disaster gays

**ed eds and eddie:** choke

_ 1:13 _

** _bichard_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _oscar the grouch_ **

**oscar the grouch: **trash man

**ed eds and eddie: **no!!

** _ed eds and eddie_ ** _ changed _ ** _oscar the grouch_**_'__s name to _ ** _oscar the loved_ **

**oscar the loved:** :’) i lov my bf

**ed eds and eddie:** <3

**poison ivy:** damn y’all gay or something?

**oscar the loved:** maybe so

**ed eds and eddie:** no.

**poison ivy:** i see

**pythagoras: **and i feel gay in this chili’s tonight

**lavagirl:** mood

**poison ivy:** mood

**irl stardew:** mood

**ed eds and eddie:** m o o d

**oscar the loved:** BIG MOOD

**sharkboy: **…

mood

**lavagirl: **BEN

**ed eds and eddie:** BEN HOLY SHIT!!!

**pythagoras:** YES BEAN!!!

**poison ivy: **BEN ILYSM

**oscar the loved: **BEN BABY BOY IM SO PROUD OF YOU

**irl stardew:** ben i’d give my life for u

** _irl stardew _ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _we!!!love!!!ben!!!hanscom!!!_ **

** _sharkboy _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _sharkbi_ **

**lavagirl:** holy shit

** _lavagirl_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _lavagay_ **

**pythagoras:** the mlm wlw solidarity we deserve

**oscar the loved:** that's love bitch!

**ed eds and eddie: **[b-i-c-t-h.gif]

**oscar the loved:** damn remember when we all thought we were straight

**pythagoras: **that was a Time

**ed eds and eddie: **god imagine being straight

**irl stardew:** imagine thinking khakis and cargo pants are a good fashion choice

**poison ivy:** let’s go boston straight pride

**lavagay:** hell yeah 💦 💦 💦 💦

**sharkbi:** fuck straights

**pythagoras:** damn ben

**oscar the loved:** no cops at pride just ben hanscom

**lavagay:** fuck blue lives i support ben

**sharkbi: **good night gays i love u

**lavagay:** i love u ben!!

**oscar the loved:** good night my fellow bi

**poison ivy: **sleep tight benny!!

**ed eds and eddie:** don’t let the bed bugs (bi)te!!!

**pythagoras: **im lov u ben

**irl stardew**: good night ben!!!!!! <3

**sharkbi: **and i feel enormous love for my friends in this chili’s tonight

**ed eds and eddie: **rt

**lavagay:** rt

**irl stardew:** rt

**oscar the loved: ** phat rt

**pythagoras:** R!!!T!!!

**poison ivy: **are tee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big shoutout to liv for being the first to read this and make me write more :)


	2. in case you haven't noticed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lavagay: what the Fuck richard  
poison ivy: yeah what the Fuck richard

**we!!!love!!!ben!!!hanscom!!!**

_ 12:56 _

** _oscar the loved _ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _in case you haven’t noticed, i’m weird. i’m a weirdo. i don’t fit in. and i don’t want to fit in. have you ever seen me without this stupid hat? that’s weird_ **

**lavagay:** what the Fuck richard

**poison ivy:** yeah what the Fuck richard

**sharkbi:** is there no character limit for these

**irl stardew:** so you diverted the attention from the love of our lives ben hanscom for a bad riverdale quote????

**lavagay: **this is defamation

**oscar the loved: **i’M wEirD

**pythagoras:** i’M a WeiRdO

**ed eds and eddie:** i dOn’T fiT iN

**irl stardew:** please

no more of this

**oscar the loved: **i’m glad bill and eds support me, unlike you cowards

**poison ivy:** okay but this was actually richie 3 years ago

**sharkbi:** pics or it didn’t happen

**ed eds and eddie:** [youeverseenmewithouthisstupidhat.jpg]

**lavagay: **MDJKGNKSJHNGJSFHDGJ

**irl stardew:** this is my new lock screen

**poison ivy:** uM???

**irl stardew: **…home screen

**lavagay:** that’s gay mike

**oscar the loved:** betrayed…by my own bf

**ed eds and eddie:** love u babe

**pythagoras:** top 10 anime betrayals

**sharkbi:** richard…

**lavagay: **bill you weeb

**pythagoras: **:(

LMAO when he dyed his hair green

**lavagay: **RICHARD…

**oscar the loved:** i’m deleting

**poison ivy:** [richard.…jpg]

_ 16:21 _

** _ed eds and eddie _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _(wheeze)_ **

**oscar the loved:** omg

me and eddie need to be matching

** _oscar the loved _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _bunsolved_ **

**(wheeze):** nice

**bunsolved:** eds are we the lesbians from the hot doga

**(wheeze): **obviously

**sharkbi:** power couple

**(wheeze):** <333

**pythagoras:** i love two (2) ghost hunting bfs

**lavagay**: i need a gf

**poison ivy:** tfw no gf

**irl stardew:** STAN SWEETIE NO

**pythagoras:** take your crusty meme and leave

** _bunsolved_ ** _ removed _ ** _poison ivy _ ** _ from the chat _

**bunsolved:** it’s what he deserves

**sharkbi: **^^

**lavagay:** i miss him already

**sharkbi:** bev no

**(wheeze):** he can come back when he’s learned his lesson

** _irl stardew _ ** _ added _ ** _poison ivy_ ** _ to the chat _

**poison ivy:** mike <3 my one true love and only friend

**bunsolved:** hEY

**poison ivy: **:^)

but also eject me from this hell

**lavagay:** wow stan i defended you

and this is how you repay me

**poison ivy:** i can’t read messages i’m not in the chat for bEVERLY

**lavagay:** damn u right

**poison ivy:** i love u bevvie

**lavagay:** :)

**sharkbi:** bill if we’re single by the time we’re 30 will you marry me

**pythagoras:** is that a friends reference

**irl stardew**: couple goals

**pythagoras:** yes! a thousand times yes!

**bunsolved:** wow :’’) true love

**lavagay:** I 👏👏 NEED 👏👏 A 👏👏 GF 👏👏

** _poison ivy_ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _1-800 GF-FOR-BEV_ **

thank u stanley i love u

**poison ivy:** :^)

**bunsolved:** it’s what she deSERVES

**sharkbi:** bev!!! ilove u!

**lavagay:** :))))

**1-800 GF-FOR-BEV**

_ 00:09 _

**bunsolved: **do you ever just,,, remember that ur gay and feel blessed

**(wheeze): **every day of my life

**poison ivy:** rich ur bi

**bunsolved:** yes and

**poison ivy: **damn u right

**lavagay:** case closed

**(wheeze): **and the case remains…

**bunsolved:** UNSOLVED

**(wheeze): **god dam it richie

**bunsolved:** we finish each other’s sentences <33333

**(wheeze):** shut your fuck

**irl stardew: **rich i appreciate you using both you and u in one text

**bunsolved:** i’m an intellectual

**pythagoras:** someone date me please

**sharkbi: **bill remember our agreement

**pythagoras:** damn u right

i love my husband ben 😩😩

**sharkbi:** 😤💦

**lavagay:** it’s lesbophobic that everyone has an so apart from me

a crime that no one is holding my hand and smooching me

**poison ivy:** WE’LL FIND LOVE FOR YOU BEV WE PROMISE

also i’ll hold ur hand

**pythagoras: **me and ben are willing to include u in our marriage pact

**lavagay:** hmm…i love u stan

**poison ivy:** :)

**irl stardew:** there’s a cute girl in my art class

**lavagay:** tell me More michael

**irl stardew:** she paints her dogs and also has flowers in her hair 24/7

also she has short hair and regularly wear flannels so she’s definitely Gay

yesterday she was listening to hayley kiyoko so that’s basically Confirmed

**lavagay:** fucki love her already

i love and appreciate you mike

**irl stardew:** thanks mom :’)

**lavagay:** wow i can’t believe i Only know stan and mike

**bunsolved:** WOW

**(wheeze):** guess we’ll die

**lavagay:** yeah.

**irl stardew: **ily bev

**sharkbi: **i love an iconic duo!!

**pythagoras:** mike what do u paint

**irl stardew: **stan

**poison ivy: **i’m dead

i died of gay

**bunsolved:** miss keisha??? miss keisha?!?

**(wheeze):** oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead

**lavagay:** rip stan,,, my beautiful wingman,,, he’ll be missed

**bunsolved:** mike 😩😩

**(wheeze):** why don’t you paint me rich

**bunsolved:** catch me watching all of bob ross’ tutorials

**(wheeze): **:)

**sharkbi:** draw me like one of your french girls

i thought you were gonna go in a wildly different direction there

**(wheeze): **ben please

**pythagoras:** [amistake.jpg]

**poison ivy:** jesus christ bill

**irl stardew:** y’all need…jesus

anyway,, i’m working on something special that i think you gays might like

**lavagay:** please don’t tell me ur painting what bill just sent

**irl stardew:** you got me there

aNYWAY,,, it may or may not be a big painting of us

**(wheeze): **OH MY GOD

**pythagoras:** and i feel unsurmountable love for mike hanlon in this chili’s tonight

**poison ivy:** BIGGEST MOOD OF MY LIFE

**bunsolved:** RT

**(wheeze): **M O O D

**sharkbi:** MIKE IM LOV U SO MUH

**lavagay:** IM RELAY CRYIGN IN FRNEHV RIHGT NWO

**poison ivy: **it’s true she’s shaking

the teacher just asked if she needed air

i’m gonna go with her because mike im lovu

**irl stardew:** GUYS

I LOVE YOU

**lavagay: **<333333

** _bunsolved _ ** _ changed _ ** _irl stardew_**_'__s name to _ ** _soft picasso_ **

**sharkbi:** rich are you fucking dumb

** _sharkbi _ ** _ changed _ ** _soft picasso_**_’s name to _ ** _soft michaelangelo_ **

**bunsolved:** and i- oop


	3. hesrh stattzck in tragertt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bevjamin: oh my fuckindsgdfkjaslkj  
also is this the fucking group chat we used when richie and eddie were in Denial  
mikerly: can confirm  
billchard: richie is so soft what the fuck

**love of my life <333 -> chee <3 **

_ 19:32 _

**eddie:** chee

**richie:** yes my beautiful boyfriend who i love and adore?

**eddie: **shut up

i had a really shit day can you come over

**richie:** i’m already on my way

**eddie:** :)

**richie:** i can stop by the supermarket and buy snacks

**eddie:** i’ll set up a blanket fort

**richie: **i almost crashed the car

**eddie: **is the idea of a blanket fort really that exciting

**richie: **yEaH

**eddie:** ur ridiculous

…are you texting while driving

**richie:** ………….no

**eddie: **put your fucking phone away before you crash for real

i love you

_ 19:45 _

**richie: **i’m parked at target now jeez

I LOVE YOU TOO

i can’t believe you’re concerned for my safety eds ;))

**eddie:** i’ve never heard of an “eds” saying that

**richie:** [helovesme.jpg]

**eddie:** love of your life??? idk whom that is

**richie: **:^(

**disaster gay 1 -> flower boy **

_ 19:47 _

**eddie: **MR MICHAEL MIKEY MIKE HANLON

**mike:** what

**eddie: **RIXHEIS CONTANCT NAMR FOR ME IS LOVE OF MY LIFE HELP MIKCHAL I’M aM GAY

**mike:** pics or it didn’t happen

**eddie:** [fuCk.jpg] ((richie’s screenshot of their convo with the contact name circled many times))

[FUCK.jpg] ((richie and eddie’s convo))

**mike:** that’s some convincing evidence there sir

**eddie: **I’M FUCKJGB CRYIGN

**mike:** mood

also u fuckin gayass

carin bout richie’s safety like that

**eddie: **fuck you

what was the last thing u texted stan

**mike:** …

i can’t read all of a sudden idk

**eddie: **michael

**mike: **“stay hydrated and have a snack baby!! i love you!!”

touche

**eddie:** gayass

**™™™distinguished gays (and ben)™™™**

((mike, bev, bill, ben and stan: the chat they use when richie and eddie are being disaster gays))

_ 19:54 _

**mikerly:** [eddiesgayass1.jpg] ((richie and eddie’s convo)) 

[eddiesgayass2.jpg] ((mike and eddie’s convo))

**bevjamin:** holy shit wait

** _bevjamin _ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _™™™distinguished gays™™™_ **

**bevjamin:** we are complete now.

**benley:** _uwu_

**mikerly:** NICE

**billchard:** i love u ben

**benley:** i love u billy

**bevjamin**: oh my fuckindsgdfkjaslkj

also is this the fucking group chat we used when richie and eddie were in Denial

**mikerly:** can confirm

**billchard: **richie is so soft what the fuck

**benley:** i love eddie exposing you tho

**mikerly:** hEY

that’s not what’s important here

**stanward:** aww mike <33

i’m gonna go bully richie with this

**benley: **ok chaotic neutral stan

**bevjamin:** damn stan

**billchard:** damn staniel

**stanward:** bill no

**benley: **bill no

**mikerly:** bill no

**bevjamin**: bill no

**stanny the xanny** **-> don’t answer**

_ 20:00 _

**stan:** [receipts.jpg] ((richie and eddie’s convo))

fuckin gayass

**richie: **HWTA THE FUCKJHSHRJGKFK

wheremst did you get this

**stan:** wheremst the fuck else

remember who my bf is

and also who yours is

**richie:** this isn’t very wholesome of you stanny :^(

i’m suing you stan come to the courtrooms immediately

**stan:** >:^)

**richie**: chaotic evil, both of you

but also…more evidence please your honour

**stan:** that’s…not how court works

[however.jpg] ((mike and eddie’s convo))

whipped

**richie:** i’m having a hesrh stattzck in tragertt

**stan:** u kno i had 2 do it 2 em

**richie:** fuck i love my bf

**stan:** hesrh stattzck in tragertt

**richie:** shut the FUCK UP

**disaster gay 2 ->** **stardoo vallee**

_ 20:03 _

**richie:** mike i can’t believe you betrayed me like that

**mike:** whomst??????

**richie:** exposing me to stan like that

**mike: **oh i exposed you to the whole squad

**richie: **:^(

man fuck you mike

**mike:** :)

**™™™distinguished gays™™™**

_ 20:05 _

**stanward:** [hesrhstattzckintragertt.jpg] ((stan and richie’s convo))

who is this boy

**billchard:** hesrh stattzck in tragertt

**bevjamin: **hesrh stattzck in tragertt

**mikerly: **hesrh stattzck in tragertt

**benley:** hesrh stattzck in tragertt

tf is that supposed to mean

** _stanward _ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _hesrh stattzck in tragertt_ **

**stanward:** “i’m having a heart attack in target”

**benley:** ah

**stanward:** i’m fluent in dumbass

**benley:** ah

**mikerly**: i bring more receipts

[top10animebetrayals.jpg] ((mike and richie’s convo))

**bevjamin: **i love that your contact names for them are disaster gay 1 and 2

**mikerly:** what else would they be

**bevjamin:** iconic

**benley:** how are they alive 

**billchard:** MOOD

**stanward:** i love our disaster gays

**bevjamin:** thank you for this content chaotic neutral mikerly

and you chaotic good stanward

**billchard:** power couple

**mikerly:** i can be your angle,,, or yuor devil >;^)

**benley:** i feel threatened

**bevjamin: ** [currentmood.jpg] 

**chee <3 -> love of my life <333**

_ 20:11 _

**richie:** okay i have so many snacks

**eddie: **oooooooo what did u get

**richie:** ben and jerry’s, oreos, chips

some deluxe Beveridge™

**eddie: **do you need me to help you carry some

**richie:** no

**eddie: **…

**richie: **yes

**eddie: **that’s what i thought

**richie:** thot

**eddie:** BEGONE THOT

**richie: **i’m about to drop this chocolate milk

**eddie:** [gtg!!!.jpg]

_ 10:26 _

**eddie:** thanks for coming over, it really helped

i appreciate it and you a lot

**richie: **anything for the love of my life :)) i appreciate you too

**eddie:** i will allow 5 minutes of wholesomeness <3

i love you so much

**richie:** i jUSt fdll on the floot????

**eddie:** <3

**richie:** PLEASE

EDDIE KASPBRAK I LOVE YLU SL MUCB AND UR THE MOST WNODERFLU BOFYRIEND EVER AND I DKNMT KNKW WHAT ID DO WITHOUT YOUNK IM SO GLAD WERE TOGETHER AND IM GLDA I COUDL MAKEY UO FEEL BETETER

**eddie:** thank you i love and cherish you and i’m so lucky to have you

wholesome time is over

**richie: **but i love you

**eddie: [**thenperish.jpg]

**richie: **[well.jpg]

**eddie: **also fdll on the floot

**richie: **:///

**1-800 GF-FOR-BEV**

_ 8:48 _

**pythagoras:** hey where’s eddie today

**poison ivy:** he wasn’t in homeroom this morning

**bunsolved:** i was with him on saturday but i haven’t seen him since then

**lavagay:** iMm abboutta throw hands with whatever is keeping our sweet eddie from us

**soft michaelangelo: **maybe he’s sick??

theres no doubt his mom would keep him home if he sneezed once

**sharkbi:** he’d usually be flooding the chat with complaints by now if he were

**soft michaelangelo**: damn u right

**lavagay:** and the case of eddie’s location will remain…unsolved

**bunsolved:** fuck i’m really worried

**lavagay:** i’m sure he’s fine rich

**bunsolved: **[doubt.jpg]


	4. 1 missed call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 9:02  
eddieee  
i’m worried  
you never miss school  
the others are worried too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: implied conversion therapy

**chee <3 -> love of my life <333**

_ 8:54 _

**richie:** hey eds?

_ 8:57 _

where are you today

_ 9:00 _

i miss you

class is boring as fuck without you

_ 9:02 _

eddieee

i’m worried

you never miss school

the others are worried too

_ 9:29 _

** _love of my life <333_ ** _ missed 1 call _

_ 9:31 _

please pick up

_ 9:49 _

eds

eddie

love of my life

eddie spaghetti

_ 10:05 _

** _love of my life <333_ ** _ missed 2 calls _

**eddie’s voicemail message:** hey you’ve reached eddie, for some reason i’m not on my phone so feel free to leave a-

_ rustling in the background _

**eddie**_, muffled:_ rich! asshole, i’m trying to record this shit

**richie:** leave a message at the tone!

_ eddie’s laughter is heard, followed by obnoxiously loud kisses_

_ voicemail tone _

**r:** hey eds.

you aren’t at school today and maybe i’m just paranoid but i’m worried out of my mind

you wouldn’t miss school even if you were practically dead on your feet becase you want to keep that perfect attendance like an absolute nerd.

ugh i miss you and your stupid nerdy self

please just call me or text me or anything. i love you.

_ 10:16 _

** _love of my life <333 _ ** _ missed 3 calls _

**richie: **if i did anything wrong i’m sorry

but please pick up so i know you’re okay

** _love of my life <333_ ** _ missed 4 calls _

_ 10:33 _

fuck

_ 10:58 _

** _love of my life <333 _ ** _ missed 5 calls _

_ 11:00 _

** _richie _ ** _ created the chat _ ** _eddieismissingandimreallyworriedhewontanswermytextsorcallsandidontknowwhatsgoingonandimisshimandimscaredfuck_ **

**_richie_** _added _**_ben, bev, bill, mike, _**_and_**_ stan _**

**richie: **guys

i’m really worried

**bev: **i called his house but no one answered

**bill:** we’re all skipping today right

**stan:** i already left class

**ben: **same

**mike:** wait a sec i need to fake an illness real quick

nah imma just leave

**richie:** meet out back in 5

_ 15:27 _

** _bill_ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _eddie patrol_ **

**bill:** does anyone have any eddie updates™

**richie:** i went to his house and picked the lock

no one’s home, mrs k’s car is gone and eddie’s room is all messed up

his bed wasn’t even made

you know he’s too much of a neat freak to leave it unmade

**bill:** where the fuck is my boy

**mike:** [currentlosersmood.jpg] 

**bev:** me and stan checked the aladdin, no eddie there

**mike:** he’s not in city centre or the park

**ben:** me and bill are heading over to the hospital now, just in case mrs k. dragged eddie there

**stan: **me and bev are checking the quarry

**richie:** i hope we find him soon

**bill:** we will, rich

**benny the bull -> is(t)a(n) the iguana**

_ 16:26 _

**ben:** hey i’m leaving the hospital rn

he wasn’t there

i asked the doctor if she’s seen eddie or sonia

she had a weird look on her face and told me i should get going

**stan:** ugh god

you think something happened?

**ben:** i’m not sure

i might have just read into it because i’m on edge

i didn’t say anything on the chat because i didn’t want to freak richie out

**stan:** yeah i get that

we’ll find him

**ben:** i know we will

**stan:** hold on richie’s calling me

_ 16:31 _

_ incoming call from _ ** _don’t answer_ ** _ to _ ** _stanny_ **

**s:** rich?

**r:** stan i’m kind of freaking out.

because you know eddie isn’t the type to just disappear like this. his fucking attendance is 99% and the only reason he missed that one day was because he was in the fucking hospital for breaking his arm.

**s:** yeah.

**r:** and his room is all messed up! there was stuff from his desk all over the floor!

also, a shattered picture of us and the other losers.

**s:** so you think it has to do with us?

**r:** maybe sonia found out about something she didn’t like?? i don’t know stan.

i’m finding it hard to breathe and i think maybe i’m losing my mind.

he hasn’t even texted and i’m worried it could just be something i did wrong!

maybe he took mrs. k’s car and left! oh god stan i’m so worried you know he can’t drive-

**s:** rich.

**r: **what?

**s ** _ soothing, calm tone _ **:** slow down for a second.

there are other explanations for why eddie isn’t here right now babe. his phone could be dead and mrs. k took him out somewhere quickly

it might not even be for a bad reason. maybe she just wanted to treat eddie to something nice today.

**r:** yeah, i guess you’re right.

**bev ** _ in the background **:** _ is that richie? stan, pass the phone.

**s:** bev wants to talk to you.

**r:** okay.

**b:** rich?

**r:** yeah?

**b:** where did you first tell eddie you liked him?

**r:** umm, the quarry i think

**b:** me and stan are there now. but eddie isn’t here.

i think i might know where he is though.

keep calm rich, i’ll text you if i find him.

**r:** okay.

thanks bevvie. tell stan i say thanks too.

**b:** see you soon rich- please try to keep yourself from spiralling. love you

**r: **love you too

_ call ended _

**bevvie <3 -> triccy diccy**

_ 17:15 _

**bev:** hey

we found eddie

he was at the barrens

where we had the rock war and met mike and where we all came together for the first time

it looks pretty bad

you should call him

_ 17:17 _

_ incoming call from _ ** _chee <3_ ** _ to _ ** _love of my life <333_ **

**e:** richie?

**r:** eds! are you alright?

**e:** honestly, not really.

**r:** what happened baby? why weren’t you here all day?

**e:** my mom.

**r:** of course it was her. i was losing my fucking mind trying to think of what could’ve happened!

**e:** i’m sorry.

it was also kind of my fault.

**r:** i’m sure it wasn’t.

**e:** i fell asleep with our chat open because i was gonna text you good night but i was so tired i guess i just fell asleep

**r:** oh that’s so cute eds

**e:** yeah, i guess.

**r: **but that doesn’t seem like a disappear completely all day thing. 

what else happened?

**e:** well everything went to shit specifically because it was our chat i left open. you know, the one where i tell you i love you every 5 minutes.

**r:** eddie…

**e:** you know how my mother is. she came into my room in the morning and found it open. so, being the shit person she is, decided to look through our chat, and the group chat, and any other chats i had on there. so obviously, she finds out i’m gay and that we’re dating through these chats. i was barely awake. she dragged me out of bed and to the hospital, because _ obviously _ something must be wrong with me if i’m sending those types of _ obscene messages_.

**r:** did she…

**e:** yeah. she-

she brought me to some fucking therapist trying to diagnose me and fucking pray the gay away.

**r:** i feel like this is my fault.

**e:** it’s not.

if anything it’s my fault for leaving my phone on like that.

**r:** you fell asleep, it’s not your fault baby.

your mom shouldn’t have snooped in the fucking first place!

**e:** she doesn’t want me to see you guys anymore.

**r:** that’s not going to fucking stop us.

**e:** she’s gonna keep me under house arrest until i “turn straight”

**r: **eds…

i’ll try to help in any way i can.

how’d you get to the barrens though?

**e:** my mom was dumb enough to leave my windows open. she underestimates how easy it is to climb that tree outside the window.

**r: **what a dumbass.

**e:** yeah…

**r:** i’ll call the others. do you have anything with you, clothes, food?

**e:** oh 

i…i was too panicked and desperate to get out.

fuck.

i didn’t think this through.

**r:** it’s okay baby, we’ll drop by your house and get you some stuff

stay with bev and stan. we’ll be there soon. i love you

**e: **…

_ call ended _

**eddie patrol**

_ 18:49 _

** _richie _ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _sonia kaspbrak hate club_ **

**stan: **big mood

**richie: **we need to get to eddie’s house stat

he didn’t take anything with him, we need to bring him some clothes

**mike:** i’m in my car already

**bev: **i brought eddie to my house

he can stay here as long as he needs to, my aunt’s got a spare room and she’ll be chill with it

**mike:** ugh bi icon angie marsh

**richie:** you’re sure?

**bev:** of course

**richie:** thanks bev

ok so mike and i will go to eddie’s house and pick up his stuff, the rest of us meet at bev’s?

**ben:** i’ll bring _ hella _ snacks

**bill:** yeah, i’ll bring breakfast club

**stan:** we need more than breakfast club on this holy night

i’ll bring ferris bueller

**bill:** fuck yeah

**mike: **we all hate her regardless but what did sonia do

**ben:** is our boy okay???

**richie:** no

sonia found out he’s gay and fucking brought him to fucking conversion therapy

**mike: **yeah okay that’s the most valid and justified chat name ever

**bill:** sonia kaspbrak is gonna burn in hell

**bev:** fuck u sonia

**ben:** what the fuck. sonia kaspbrak can catch these fucking gay hands

**richie:** this might also seem like a really small thing but on the phone when i told him we’d be there soon and that i love him he didn’t say anything and just hung up

**mike:** richie baby…

**bill:** you have to keep in mind that his mother just brought him to conversion therapy to talk the gay out of him

it might not have just been ‘therapy’

**richie: ** _ fuck _

**ben:** yeah…rich they may have physically hurt him

**stan:** it might take time for eddie to fully come back

**bev:** as much as it might hurt, just remember that eddie does love you, even if he can’t bring himself to say it right now

**richie:** oh fuck

i should have realised

**mike:** we love you rich

**richie:** thanks mikey

**mike:** and i love eddie kaspbrak in this chili’s tonight

**richie**: damn that’s my biggest mood

**bill: **same

**bev: **…my little brother eddie???? love him

**ben:** mood

**stan:** i’m almost there and i love eddie kaspbrak

**richie:** big mood

mike we’re gonna need to climb through the window,, since,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,sonia

_ 3:36 _

**bev:** [safe.jpg] ((eddie and richie sleeping in the spare bed at bev’s place))

**bill:** thank god

**stan:** i think i aged 30 years today alone

i’m so glad he’s okay

**mike:** i’m weepin i love eddie so much

**ben: **god bless

**mike: **we can finally rest knowing eddie’s safe

**bill:** i aged about 300 years in this day alone

**bev:** god SAME

**ben:** petition for me to adopt eddie kaspbrak

**mike:** SIGNT SEALT AND DEVLIVERT

**stan: **good night gays ily

**bill:** good night stanny :^)

**bev:** <3

**ben: **<33

**mike:** <333

_one week later_

**young beever -> beever**

_14:21_

**eddie:** bev

you’re sure angie’s completely fine with me staying with you guys permanently?

**bev:** of course

she’s complained about that spare room for ages because she didn’t know what to do with it

and she knows how rough it can be on the streets

**eddie:** i promise i’ll find a job soon so i don’t stress her out

**bev:** eddie you’ll never be a burden to us, you know that right?

you’ve been with us a week and angie already thinks of you as a son

**eddie:** ugh okay i love you and her

i’m still gonna get a job though

**bev:** i promise i’ll bug you at your shifts all the time then

**eddie:** :)

**love of my life <333 -> chee <3**

_ 00:00 _

**eddie:** richie

chee

**richie:** what’s up baby boy?

**eddie:** i know i haven’t been able to say it in a while and i’m sorry for that, but i love you, so much

:’) baby boy

**richie:** EDS

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE SORRY FOR

i love you too!!!!!

**eddie: **good night baby

**richie:** <333

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i know in theory eddie's phone would've locked after a while don't @ me


	5. beans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7:56  
pythagoras: so basically pythagorsflkjklsdajflksjbi  
bunsolved: my condolences bill  
(wheeze): f  
lavagay: f  
soft michaelangelo: f  
poison ivy: f  
sharkbi: f  
bunsolved: f

**1-800 GF-FOR-BEV**

_ 17:42 _

** _lavagay_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _bevearly_ **

**bevearly:** where tf are you gays

**pythagoras:** this gay was about to leave but then my mom told me i had to bring georgie and also these cookies she made

**bevearly:** valid excuse

tell georgie i love him and tell your mom she’s delightful

**poison ivy:** i’m waiting for mike to pick me up because i’m gay and i can’t drive

**bevearly:** …okay mood

you’re off the hook bill but ur on thin fuckin ice stan

**poison ivy:** is that bottomphobia i hear?

**bevearly:** yes.

**poison ivy:** damn

do bottoms deserve rights? discuss

**pythagoras:** no.

**bevearly:** yes but you don’t specifically

**poison ivy:** god damn bev

**bevearly:** >:)

**pythagoras: **bev u know ur user could actually be read as bevear ly

**bevearly:** i…what?

**poison ivy:** bill

that’s not how you spell beaver

**pythagoras:** …

[suddenlyicantread.gif]

**bevearly:** so the news: bill is fucking illiterate

**poison ivy:** dumb fuck

**pythagoras:** maybe so…

**sharkbi:** BEV

** _sharkbi_ ** _ changed _ ** _bevearly_**_’s name to _ ** _lavagay_ **

**sharkbi:** i can’t believe this personal attack on our brand

**lavagay:** i’m sorry ben!! i needed to make a statement

also where are you

**sharkbi:** on your doorstep

**lavagay: **i knew i trusted you for a reason

see stan there’s an example of a bottom that deserves rights

**poison ivy:** …i see

**sharkbi:** but also,,, you’ve never been early in your life

**lavagay:** BEN!!!

ok i take it back ben doesn’t deserve rights

also yes??? i’m early now???

**sharkbi:** that's Only because you're hosting

**lavagay:** yes and?

**soft michaelangelo:** me and stan are pulling into your driveway now

where are richie and eddie

also bill what the fuck

**sharkbi:** yeah bill what the fuck

**pythagoras:** >:(

**poison ivy:** bill you’re mad dumb

_ 1:56 _

**lavagay:** i cannot believe you two were late to our christmas/stanukkah party because you were making out in richie’s truck

**poison ivy:** eddie you live here how the fuck were you so late

**(wheeze): **we were doing gay shit at his place

**pythagoras:** i’m homophobic

**lavagay:** ok to be fair i did kick you out but FUCK you i said to be back by 5:30

**(wheeze):** sorry mom :(

******bunsolved:** more like sorry not sorry mom

**(wheeze):** WOW

**lavagay:** beep beep richie

**soft michaelangelo:** beep beep richie

**poison ivy: **beep beep richie

**pythagoras:** beep beep richie

**sharkbi:** beep beep richie

**(wheeze):** beep beep richie

**bunsolved:** i don’t feel safe in this chat

this is a hostile environment and a toxic friendship

_ 3:34 _

**pythagoras: **did y’all kno…that esteemed maths man and philosopher pythagoras gave his life for beans

_ 7:28 _

**poison ivy:** bill what the fuck

**lavagay:** [billwhatthefuck.jpg]

**pythagoras:** HE DIED FOR BEANS

**lavagay:** explain????

it is So early in the morning

**sharkbi:** it’s 7:30

**lavagay:** and?????

**sharkbi:** i see ur point

**poison ivy:** ben we don’t get up at the asscrack of dawn like you do

**sharkbi:** eArLy biRdS gEt tHe wOrM

**soft michaelangelo:** i have…so many questions

[billwhatareyouON.jpg]

**(wheeze):** bill was this for the maths project

**sharkbi:** isn’t that due today 

and like after 2 weeks of working on it

**pythagoras:** ben we all know none of us started it until last night

**sharkbi:** yeah…

**bunsolved:** we’re gay ben

**sharkbi: **[yeah.jpg]

**soft michaelangelo:** but the question here is

_ bill why the fuck were you awake at 3:30 telling us about pythagoras _

**(wheeze):** we have to present about a mathematician and bill being bill decided to do pythagoras

also to not do his work until 3

**poison ivy:** that’s a mood

**lavagay:** ok but is anyone else interested in the beans

**bunsolved:** ME

**poison ivy: **bill please bestow upon us this brilliant knowledge

**soft michaelangelo:** okay Het we don’t understand those big words

**poison ivy:** mike i’m breaking up with you

**sharkbi:** NO OUR DADS

**bunsolved:** this family is falling apart

**(wheeze):** bill only your pythagoras Knowledge can save us now

**lavagay:** guys i think he’s dead

**poison ivy:** he probably passed out because he’s been awake since 3

_ 7:56 _

**pythagoras:** so basically pythagodsflkjklsdajflksjbi

**bunsolved:** my condolences bill

**(wheeze):** f

**lavagay: **f

**soft michaelangelo:** f

**poison ivy:** f

**sharkbi:** f

**bunsolved:** f

_ 14:31 _

**pythagoras: **how much school did i miss

**lavagay:** bill oh my god

**soft michaelangelo:** it’s…deadass half an hour until school ends

**pythagoras:** fUck

i wanted to talk about the beans

**poison ivy:** mr. foster wants you to present tomorrow

so you can talk about the beans

**pythagoras:** thank god

** _bunsolved_ ** _ changed _ ** _pythagoras_**_’s name to _ ** _bean boy_ **

**bean boy:** yeah that’s fair

**(wheeze):** for once i’m actually excited to go to maths

**lavagay:** only beans could make a gay want to do maths

**sharkbi:** i’m gonna film it

**bean boy: **good

it deserves to be documented

**1-800 GF-FOR-BEV**

_ 23:41 _

**soft michaelangelo:** [thatsgay.vid] 

[a video taken during group karaoke night: richie and bev are singing a verse together, harmonising and sounding **good as fuck**

richie pulls eddie up as the chorus starts, mike starts yelling

he swaps to front camera as he starts to sing along (tears are gathering in his eyes)

he pans to stan, who’s singing along and smiling widely

mike swaps the camera back to richie and eddie on stage, they’re kissing

bill swoops in to catch the mic that richie’s just dropped

bill and bev start waltzing as ben belts on his knees, giving his **SOUL** into it

mike and stan join on stage, singing back to back

a guitar solo starts, bill and richie air guitar together

by the end they’re all singing and hugging each other, it’s very soft]

**bunsolved:** eDS WE’RE SO CUTE

**bean boy:** get you a mans who looks at you the way eddie looks at richie the whole time he’s singing

**poison ivy: **now if eddie ever denies how much he loves richie we can expose him with these rECEIPTS

**(wheeze): **i feel attacked

**bunsolved: **[iloveeddie.jpg]

**(wheeze): **[<3.jpg]

**soft michaelangelo**: that is straight up eddie’s face during the video

**(wheeze): **>:/

**bunsolved:** [aaaaaaaah.jpg]

**lavagay: **why am i cryin in the club rn

**sharkbi:** all i want is a relationship like eddie and richie’s

is that so much to ask for

**bunsolved:** eds leave your window open

**bean boy:** GET SOME EDDIE

**(wheeze): **you know you can come through the front door right

**bunsolved:** wouldn’t want mrs k to get jealous ;)

**(wheeze):** i’m locking my window and the front door and any other entrance to my house

**bunsolved:** :^(

**sharkbi:** okay i take it back

stan and mike are all i want in a relationship

**soft michaelangelo: **:))

**poison ivy:** :^) get fucked richie and eddie

**lavagay:** ok but we are the cutest friend group alive

**sharkbi:** you’re god damn right

**soft michaelangelo:** guys i love you so much

**(wheeze):** you guys are the light of my life

**bunsolved:** and i feel wholesome in this chili’s tonight

**bean boy:** I CHERISH YOU ALL

**poison ivy:** the witching hour? i’ve only heard of the wholesome hour

okay good night you guys mean the world to me

**lavagay:** wholesome stan..........

**sharkbi:** rare event

_ 9:36 _

**(wheeze): **[billursickmindedalsofuckyoustan.vid] [richie, the little spoon, sleeping. eddie holds the camera in front of richie’s face and kisses his cheeks. richie groans and turns over so he’s facing eddie. they kiss, it’s soft]

**poison ivy:** WHOLESOME fuck you too

**bean boy: **idk if i saved this video or this video saved me

**lavagay:** :’)

**sharkbi:** LITTLE SPOON RICHIE OH MY GOD

**lavagay:** i knew it

haha that fuckin bottom

**(wheeze): **and i- OOP

**soft michaelangelo:** eddie ur so soft

**(wheeze): **i’ll slit ur throat

**bean boy: **says u mike

**poison ivy:** you take that back eddie

**(wheeze):** mike ily but call me soft again and i’ll kick ur ass

**soft michaelangelo:** my mans defending my honour :’)

**poison ivy:** <3

**soft michaelangelo:** aLSO BILL

i wanna b mad but u right

**bean boy:** ;)

**sharkbi: **power couple

**(wheeze):** fuckk you ben me and richie are the true power couple

**sharkbi:** hmmm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the pythagoras thing is something i actually did for maths once (the amount of things from my life i've put in this fic...hook me up to a whiteboard because i'm projecting)
> 
> find me on tumblr at aahelvede if you want! (it's not a dedicated IT blog though so it's filled with other fixations and shitposts)


	6. 1-800-GF-FOR-BEV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mike: Richard  
Behave  
richie: I Dont Know Why You’re Using Capital Letters But Im Scared

**queen of my life** ** -> my beautiful boy michael**

_ 21:21 _

**bev:** so mikey

**mike:** so bevvie

**bev:** this girl you mentioned like a month ago in the gc

**mike:** ah, so you're here for my gay contacts™

not because you wanted some quality time with your best friend

**bev:** HELL NO I LOVE ME SOME MIKE HANLON™

but perhaps…

**mike: **what do you wanna know about her

**bev:** first of all,, i love you

**mike:** :)

**bev:** second of all what’s her name

**mike:** aisha

**bev: **that’s a solid name i’m in love with her

**mike:** i can ask her to eat lunch with us if you wanna meet her

**bev:** ah fuck

**mike: **is that a no

**bev:** i’m scared i’ll immediately be gay™

**mike:** isn’t that the point

**bev:** okay but what if she doesn’t like me,,

**mike:** that’s bullshit she’ll love you

beverly marsh you are wonderful and any girl would be lucky to have you

**bev:** AWW MIKE

i might be tearing up

**mike:** BEV I LOVE YOU

**bev: **okay you can ask her to lunch

**mike:** i’ll ask her in art tomorrow <3

**bev:** WAiT

**mike:** ?

**bev: **Richard

**mike:** i’ll tell him to behave

**bev:** thank you somuch mikey ily

**mike:** and i love beverly in this chili’s tonight

**bev:** <333

**stardoo vallee -> disaster gay 2**

_ 21:29 _

**mike: **Richard

Behave

**richie:** I Dont Know Why You’re Using Capital Letters But Im Scared

**mike:** Behave.

**richie: **please don’t use pucntuaoitn

**mike: **.

**1-800 GF-FOR-BEV**

_ 11:07 _

**soft michaelangelo:** okay guys the girl from my art class that bev is in love with is sitting with us for lunch today

so Richard, Behave.

**bunsolved:** why do you assume that i’ll fuck this up

also is this why you texted me at 9:30 last night just saying “Behave”

**soft michaelangelo:** yes.

**poison ivy:** we assume you’ll fuck it up because when we first met mike you immediately told him i thought he was cute

**lavagay:** richard ur a big dumb

**bunsolved:** and look at where you’re at today

**soft michaelangelo:** that actually really slowed things down it took me 2 years to forget that memory

**poison ivy:** yeah…

**bunsolved:** did you just reference b99 at me

**soft michaelangelo:** ;)

**bunsolved:** ur on thin fuckin ice mike

**soft michaelangelo:** good.

let me drown richard.

**bunsolved:** god damn

**lavagay:** anyways i wouldn’t say i’m in love with her

**soft michaelangelo:** [solidnameiminlovewithher.jpg]

**lavagay: **fuck

**bean boy:** MIKE PULLIN THRU ON THESE RECEIPTS

anyway yay!! i’m excited for you bev!

**lavagay:** i luv u billothy

**sharkbi:** receipt king mike

**bunsolved:** receipt bastard mike

**soft michaelangelo:** they must all know the truth

**sharkbi:** so

are we gonna have to change the chat name since bev’s gonna be drowning in it soon

**lavagay:** bEN OH MY GOD

**(wheeze): **not in this christian minecraft server

**poison ivy:** i’m jewish

**(wheeze):** not in this ambiguously religious minecraft server

**poison ivy: **:)

**bunsolved:** eddie ur my minecraft gf

**(wheeze):** shut Up

**bunsolved:** GET SOME BEV

**lavagay:** rich this is why you must Behave at lunch

**(wheeze):** hey don’t attack my mans

ben committed sin first

**sharkbi:** damn okay eddie throw me under the bus like that

**bunsolved:** :))

**(wheeze):** although

[richiemood.jpg]

**lavagay: **i felt that

**bunsolved:** sTOP USING B99 TO ANTAGONISE ME LIKE THIS

**soft michaelangelo:** hey man we all just want bev to be happy

**bean boy:** rt

**sharkbi:** mood

**(wheeze): **bi gmood

**poison ivy:** big damn mood™

**bunsolved: **okay mood

**lavagay:** I LOVE YOU GAYS

also we’re gonna get our phones ta

**(wheeze): **omg

**sharkbi:** they killed her before she could fini

**bean boy:** TAKE SHELTER

**poison ivy: **finally we’ll all be free

_ 13:56 _

** _bean boy _ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _bev and aisha’s biggest fans_ **

**sharkbi:** damn this is a mood

i just wanna see my girl happy!!

**bunsolved:** mood but okay ben do u remember when u and bev dated like 3 years ago

**poison ivy: **kjshgjkdfahgjksdhf

**sharkbi:** yes!! and it was agood and funky time

**lavagay:** iconic

thank u ben for helping me realise i’m a lesbian™

**sharkbi:** <3

**(wheeze):** benverly lives on in our hearts

**poison ivy:** your hair is winter fire

**soft michaelangelo:** january embers

**bean boy:** MY HEART BURNS THERE TOO

**lavagay:** oh my gOD BEN

that was so sweet and i love u

**sharkbi:** :)

**bunsolved:** why doesn’t ben have a bf/gf

**poison ivy:** i would change the chat name to 1-800 SO-FOR-BEN but i think we need to wait a while so we can fully celebrate the blooming lesbian romance of bev and aisha

**sharkbi:** i will agree with that statement stanny

**(wheeze):** okay but aisha’s really cute

**lavagay:** m o o d

i swear i almost passed out

**poison ivy:** i have a finely tuned gaydar and…it’s going off

bev i think aisha really likes you

**lavagay: **fuck

**bunsolved:** beverly marsh found dead in miami

**bean boy:** stan your gaydar is shit

**bunsolved:** stanley uris found dead in miami

**soft michaelangelo:** yeah u couldn’t tell i wasn’t straight for the longest time

**poison ivy:** that’s because i was in love with you and was being delusional

**(wheeze):** no stan your gaydar is pretty shit tho

you didn’t know i was gay until i told you

and like,, i’m the gayest of all of us

**lavagay: **i’d like to disagree with that statement

**bean boy:** yea did you see bev half an hour ago like damn

**bunsolved:** iconic of us all to be the gayest people alive

**poison ivy:** i’m proud of our baby gay

**sharkbi:** your gaydar is still shit stan 

**poison ivy:** i don’t feel saf e in this chat

**young beever -> beever**

_ 14:04 _

**eddie:** [iMbEvErLY.vid] 

_ bev shaking hands with aisha, dying internally _

_ richie laughs in the background _

_ a quiet laugh is heard from eddie filming _

you fuckin gayass

**bev: **DON’T ATTACK ME LIKE THIS

**eddie:** this is what you deserve™ after being Mean to me about richie

**bev:** fuck u right

this is my punishment

i deserve it.

**eddie:** in all seriousness tho i’m so proud of u

gettin the girl

i feel like sebastian in the little mermaid

**bev:** is this because i’m ginger and she’s got dark hair

**eddie:** no it’s because i’ll be encouraging you to ~kiss the girl~

**bev:** :’) my wingman

but okay i asked her if she wanted to hang out tomorrow at the diner and i’m scared™

**eddie: **damn bevvie get some

**bev:** shut the fuck up son

**eddie:** damn okay guess i’m silent

**bev:** nO com back

i need someone to be there

**eddie:** idon’t want to thirdwheel

**bev:** you can bring richie

**eddie:** that’s risky

**bev: **okay i trust him with my life tho

**eddie:** same okay we’ll come

gayass

**bev:** do you want me to cancel this brunch

**eddie:** nO omg

**love of my life <333 -> chee <3**

_ 14:10 _

**eddie: **chee

**richie:** yes dear?

**eddie:** bev’s fuckin gay ass is too scared to hang out with aisha alone so we need to be there tomorrow to save her (gay)ass

**richie:** why both of us

**eddie:** okay first of all,, we’re a fuckin package deal

**richie:** damn u right

**eddie:** and secondly,, i don’t wanna be third wheeling if they start making out

**richie:** damn u right

okay i’ll come

**eddie: **i’m gonna film it on the dl so we can expose bev’s gay ass on the gc

**richie:** devious

this is the chaotic neutral i fell in love with

**eddie:** hell yeah babey!!1!

**bev and aisha’s biggest fans**

_ 12:43 _

**(wheeze):** [doubledate.vid] 

**e:** rich what are we doing

**r:** saving bev’s gayass from dying while exposing her at the same time

_ they enter the diner holding hands and see bev and aisha sitting in a booth _

_ bev is laughing at something aisha said _

_ eddie and richie slide into the booth, richie next to bev and eddie next to aisha _

_ eddie holds his phone on his lap, obstructing the view _

**b:** oh, these are my friends eddie and richie. from lunch

**a** _to eddie_: you’re the one with the shitty impressions

**e:** i’ll have you know my impressions are great

**a:** you believe that bud

**r: **eddie your impressions are SHIT

**e:** FUCK YOU

**b:** eddie baby we all know richie does better impressions than you do

**e:** WOW BEV

**r:** thank you bevvie

_ aisha looks on fondly at them, already feeling apart of the group _

**bunsolved:** my favourite part of brunch was bev not knowing what to do when we left

so she almost went in to hug her and shook her hand instead

**lavagay:** oKAY

first of all,,, fuck you eddie for recording

and sECONDLy, fuck you richie

**poison ivy:** BEV YOU’RE SO GAY MFDGSKFDFJIJSKLJ

**bean boy:** this is actually so cute what the fuck

**bunsolved:** wait no my favourite part was aisha realising me and eds are dating and just going “really??? eddie???? you two are so different” and eddie lowkey getting mad

**(wheeze):** never @ my mans

**lavagay:** [oPpOsitEs aTtRAcT.vid] 

_ eddie's eyebrow lifts, and he grabs richie's hand _

**e:** richie is actually really sweet and caring and yeah sometimes he’s annoying but i love him for it!

**a** _surprised_**:** that’s really sweet

_ richie plants a phat smooch on eddie’s cheek _

**b:** that’s gay

**bean boy:** EDWARD

**(wheeze):** god DAMN IT BEV

**sharkbi: **how the turn tables….

**soft michaelangelo:** richie and eddie are soft as fuck we been knew

**(wheeze): **>:^( u right

**soft michaelangelo:** but bev…

how was it

**lavagay:** it was great!! aside from richie and eddie arguing over food for 10 wholeass minutes

i’m like definitely in love with her fuck

**bunsolved:** :^)

**(wheeze):** listen… there were a lot of options

**lavagay:** being gay is such a blessing

**poison ivy:** RT

**sharkbi:** BEV I’M SO PROUD OF U

(as long as you never forget about me)

**lavagay:** AW BEN

ILY

**bean boy:** okay but if bev and aisha start dating do we have to add her to the gc

**lavagay:** i feel like richie texting the gc at 3am with stupid shit might throw her off

**bunsolved:** HEY

**soft michaelangelo: **we can add her to a new one???

**poison ivy: **gotta preserve bev and aisha’s biggest fans

**bunsolved:** ya we’ve had this chat since we all met

**(wheeze):** tf would we call the new chat

**sharkbi:** welcome to the losers club asshole

**bunsolved:** ah, my brand™

**soft michaelangelo: **wait was this what rich said to the cl*wn

**(wheeze):** y*s

**soft michaelangelo:** what a moment™

**lavagay:** you punched me in the face,

**poison ivy:** you made me walk through shitty water

**sharkbi: ** you brought me to a fuckin crackhead house…

**(wheeze):** and now…i’m gonna have to kill this fucking cl*wn

**bunsolved:** B))

**bean boy:** how do yall remember this word for word

**soft michaelangelo:** because it was iconic

_ 3:54 _

**bunsolved:** do you think fish see water like we see air

how fucking wild is that

also like, we can fucjking see in colour

what the fuck

joseph and his technicolour dreamcoat

eddie playing joseph in the 5th grade made me gay

thank u eddie for my gay awakening

i love eddie kaspbrak with all my heart

and i……love our lil losers club with every fibre of my being

fukc

good nite yall

_ 8:22 _

**bean boy:** what the Fuck richard

(i lov u)

**sharkbi: **i love how that went from richie being fucking stupid to being wholesome

**bean boy:** wholeass NARRATIVE

**sharkbi:** [theLAYERS.jpg]

**poison ivy:** eddie as joseph skdlfjkjvksl

**soft michaelangelo:** i’m gonna need someone to bring me the dvd of that so i can be blessed by lil eddie

**(wheeze):** what the Fuck i love richie so muchdjvskbhkdhds

fucking joseph

**poison ivy:** i still have it

next week’s movie night???

**sharkbi:** FUCK YEAH

**bean boy:** it was red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and violet and fawn and lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve

**lavagay:** guys what the fuck

**(wheeze): **cream and crimson and silver and rose and azure and lemon and russet and gray and purple and white and pink and orange

**poison ivy:** and red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and violet and fawn and lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve and cream and crimson and silver and rose and azure and lemon and russet and gray and purple and white and pink and orange

**soft michaelangelo:** it’s been 6 years how the fuck do you guys remember this

**sharkbi:** it’s too early to be losing brain cells at this rate

**lavagay:** [whatthefuck.jpg]

**bunsolved:** AND BLUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you didn't guess, i did joseph as a school play when i was 10 and can still quote most of the colours
> 
> so yes...the projection jumped out again, and what about it


	7. bird watching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chief bird boy bird watcher: GAYS  
beverlie penguin: i have been summoned?  
blue footed billby: why are you summoning us so loud

**my lil chickadee <3 -> my sun and moon <33 **

_ 17:19 _

**mike:** are you alright? you seemed down at school today

**stan:** not really

**mike:** do you want me to come over?

**stan:** no it’s fine

it’s just my dad

he’s been on my ass recently and i’ve just been feeling shitty about it

i think i just want some time for myself today

**mike:** >:(((

**stan:** i feel like i’m not good enough

sometimes even like i’m not good enough for you

**mike:** STANLEY URIS

YOU ABSOLUTELY ARE GOOD ENOUGH ANF YOU DESERVE THE STARS AND SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOUR DAD CAN SUCK MY _ ASS _ FOR MAKING YOU THINK YOU ARE ANYTHING LESS THAN THE ANGEL YOU ARE

**stan: **jdshgsdjgnsd i love you

**mike:** i!!!love!!!you!!!

**birdboy bird watch**

_ 17:25 _

**chief bird boy bird watcher:** GAYS

**beverlie penguin:** i have been summoned?

**blue footed billby: **why are you summoning us so loud

**screech owl: **i am gay and i am here what’s up gays

**ben the wren:** the gays are here

**hummingbird:** why are we on the chat without stan

**chief birdboy bird watcher:** [notgoodenoughmyass.jpg]

stan’s feeling shitty and he needs some love

**screech owl:** time to screech

**hummingbird:** YES I’VE BEEN SAVING WHOLESOME MEMES FOR THIS MOMENT

**ben the wren:** fucc me too

**beverlie penguin:** i’m throwing hands with stan’s dad

**hummingbird:** why do we all have such shitty parents

**screech owl:** damn rt

**beverlie penguin:** and i-

**ben the wren:** 😔

**chief birdboy bird watcher: **the losers club 🤝 having shitty parents

**blue footed billby:** hey

my parents are great

**hummingbird:** yeah ur right

**screech owl:** i think we’re ALL denbroughs here

**beverlie penguin:** rt

**chief birdboy bird watcher: **big love for zack and sharon

**blue footed billby:** is it time for another sitcom night at my house

**screech owl:** yES GEORGIE WILL CHEER STAN UP

**hummingbird:** G E O R G I E

**beverlie penguin:** can we PLEASE watch will and grace

**ben the wren:** YEAH

**hummingbird:** god you guys are so gay

please can we

**ben the wren:** i have 3 bags of popcorn at my house should i bring that

**beverlie penguin:** obviously

**screech owl:** i’ve got hella chips ahoy i’ll bring those as long as bill has milk

**blue footed billby:** yeah i do

i’ve got a 10 year old brother he needs that Calcium™

**beverlie penguin:** georgie 🥰

**chief birdboy bird watcher:** i’ll tell him to go to bill’s

**hummingbird:** i love stanley uris!!

**beverlie penguin:** rt

**chief birdboy bird watcher:** god rt

**my sun and my moon <33 -> my lil chickadee <3 **

_ 17:32 _

**mike:** okay i know you want to be alone right now but i told the others you’re feeling down and bill offered sitcom night at his house

**stan:** i don’t know…

**mike:** we’re bringing ice cream

richie’s got “hella chips ahoy”

ben’s bringing 3 bags of popcorn

**stan: **hmm…

**mike:** georgie will be there

**stan:** okay i’ll be there in 10

**mike:** i love you!!

**stan:** <33333

**wheezy little brother -> stanny birb**

_ 17:38 _

**eddie:** BITCH

**stan:** huh

**eddie:** I’VE BEEN STOCKPILING WHOLESOME MEMES OVER THE YEARS

[imlovu.jpg]

[youarewonderful.jpg]

[beautifulstarboy.jpg]

[<3.jpg]

**stan: **thanks eddie

**eddie:** are you coming to bill’s?

**stan: **yeah

**eddie:** :)))

[getherefaster.jpg]

**benny the bull** **->** **is(t)a(n) the iguana**

_ 17:39 _

**ben:** [bitchwhere.jpg] 

**stan:** oh my god

eddie just sent me so many of these

**ben:** well honey you’ve got a big wholesome storm coming

**stan:** bring on the storm then ig

**ben:** [everyday!.jpg]

[thankudannydevito.jpg]

[wheredthestarsgo.jpg]

[methinkingofstanleyuris.jpg]

**stan:** i feel much better now, thanks benny boy <3

**ben:** :)))

**bev and aisha’s biggest fans**

_ 2:41 _

**poison ivy: **thank you guys so much for tonight. it really means a lot

**lavagay: **SOFT STAN

**sharkbi:** he rises

**poison ivy:** shut up.

i love you guys with all my heart thank u so much for being in my life

**lavagay:** i love u stanny!!!! so much!!!

**bunsolved:** no punctuatoin please

**bean boy: **¿¿¿?why does richie suddenly have a crippling fear of punctuation?!.

**(wheeze): *****punctuatoin

**bean boy:** mfb

**soft michaelangelo:** [pucntuaotin.jpg]

**poison ivy:** LKJDSLKGJLKGJSDFKLHJ.!?!/.

**sharkbi:** Richard

**lavagay:** Behave

**(wheeze): **I Dont Know Why You’re Using Capital Letters But Im Scared

**bean boy:** Behave.

**poison ivy:** please dont use punctautiuon

**soft michaelangelo:** .

**bunsolved:** LEAVE ME ALONE

**sharkbi:** rich how do you keep spelling it so wrong?/!\;.

**bunsolved:** can we censor p*nctuation

** _poison ivy _ ** _ changed _ _**bunsolved**’__s name to _ ** _pucntuaoitn_ **

**poison ivy:** no;’!. we cannot.,..,

**pucntuaoitn: **please no

** _poison ivy _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _flul stop_ **

** _soft michaelangelo_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _quesiton mike_ **

** _sharkbi_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _simecolon_ **

** _pythagoras_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _collon_ **

**simecolon: **bill!!! <33.

**collon: **<333.¡!?>.!

**quesiton mike: **power couple.!.¡!

** _lavagay _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _coma_ **

** _(wheeze)_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _(kasp)brakets_ **

**pucntuaoitn:** even you eds??

**(kasp)brakets:** you know i’d never give up an opportunity to make fun of you babe. <3!¡

**coma:** [uknoedshad2doit2em.jpg]

**simecolon:** AKFDJLKFJLKGJSLFKHJGLKKSJDKLDJAKJGKSJ.!!!//!?.,

**(kasp)brakets:** ,,,okay i know i have asthma,,, but i’m actually wHEEZIGNT H.,ANKS BEV FOR THIS SDKLJGKLDSJAG.

**collon:** truly ryan bergara at his best

**(kasp)brakets:** fuck u i’m shane

**quesiton mike:** eddie kaspbrak???

as shane madej??? 

fake. 

he’s ryan

**(kasp)brakets:** fffffffuc k off mike

**coma:** HE THRUSTS HIS FISTS AGAINST THE POSTS

**flul stop:** AND STILL INSISTS HE SEES THE GHOSTS

**pucntuaoitn:** okay i’d say i hate you for this bev but you chose such a cute picture of eds so i can’t be mad

**coma: **<33!!¡!1?!

**(kasp)brakets:** :)

**pucntuaoitn:** i hate you

**flul stop: **mike and eddie’s names being puns on their actual names while also making fun of richie is such a Power Move™.,.?!

**coma: **big dick energy

**pucntuaoitn:** good night i hate you all

except stan because he was sad today

and maybe eddie because i love him

**coma:** haha that’s gay

**my lil chickadee <3 -> my sun and my moon <33**

_ 3:19 _

**stan:** hey

i’m really glad you made me go to bill’s today

**mike:** baby!

i’m so happy i could help

i knew the Dumbasses™ would do their best to make you feel better

**stan:** thank you for trusting your instincts

and i’m usually not Sappy but it’s 3am and i really love you

i love how you look out for me

and how you know just what to do to help me even if i don’t give you any hints

i’m so so grateful to have you and bev and rich and eddie and bill and ben in my life

i’m really rambling huh

anyways, i love you, and thanks for tonight

**mike:** fuck i love you so much

i’m so happy you’re feeling better

**stan:** good night ❤️

**mike:** good night sweetheart 💕 💕 💕


	8. the trial of richard tozier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lavagay: WHAT ABOUT US  
(gay wheeze): WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH  
danny phantom: WELL WHAT ABOUT TRUST  
lavagay: YOU KNOW I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOUUUUU  
soft michaelangelo: AND WHAT ABOUT MEEEE  
chickadee: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DOOOOOOOO  
danny phantom: I GOTTA LEAVE BUT  
I’LL MISS YOUUUuuuuUUuUUUuu  
sharkbi: I’LL MISS YOUUUuuuUuuuuuUuUuu

**sonia kaspbrak hate club**

_ 9:02 _

** _richie _ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _eddie kaspbrak adoration club_ **

** _richie _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _the future mr kaspbrak_ **

**stan:** damn rich ok

** _stan_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _eddie’s biggest stan_ **

** _bill _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _im lov eddie_ **

** _bev _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _NEW MOM_ **

** _mike_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _gay uncle_ **

** _ben _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _big brother_ **

**im lov eddie:** so what is the occasion for this eddie love

**NEW MOM:** can’t we just love eddie kaspbrak on this fine day

**im lov eddie:** yeah ur right

**big brother:** hEELL YEAH WE CAN

**the future mr kaspbrak:** well okay have you SEEN eddie’s outfit today

it had me on the GROUND praying

**gay uncle:** that sweater???

**the future mr kaspbrak:** (my sweater)

**gay uncle:** (oof)

**eddie’s biggest stan:** that hair???

**big brother:** those nails????

**NEW MOM:** those overalls???

**im lov eddie:** what a Look

**the future mr kaspbrak:** I’M GAY YALL

EDDIE LOOKING LIKE A WHOLE _MEAL_ IS TOO MUCH FOR ME

**gay uncle: **damn rich ur getting pretty nsfw here

**the future mr kaspbrak:** okay not to be horny on main or anything but like

eddie’s gonna get some tonight

**im lov eddie:** DAMN EDDIE GET SOME

**NEW MOM:** *holt voice* get some get some get some

**gay uncle:** nsjgdnjdnsgjh

**eddie’s biggest stan:** rich i hope you can stay pg because we’re only one lesson in

**gay uncle:** aren’t most of your classes with eddie today

**NEW MOM:** rip richard tozier (or maybe richard kaspbrak??) he won’t survive

**the future mr kaspbrak:** richard kaspbrak i’m w eheezign

**im lov eddie:** how eddie of you

**the future mr kaspbrak:** if you can’t find me and eddie at lunch it’s because we’re making out

**gay uncle:** you two better not fuck at school

**im lov eddie: **eddie deserves better than the nasty ass bathroom stalls smh

**big brother:** please be careful with our sweet boy

**NEW MOM:** yeah as eddie’s legal guardian i do Not condone that

**gay uncle:** u better treat him right Richard.

**the future mr kaspbrak:** I WILL JEEZ

this is like when we started dating all over again

**im lov eddie:** ya well,, eddie is our baby boy

**the future mr kaspbrak: **you’re my friends too????

**eddie’s biggest stan:** treat

**gay uncle:** eddie

**big brother:** right

**NEW MOM:** Richard

**im lov eddie:** .

**ryan bergara -> ghostbuster**

_ 10:45 _

**eddie:** does richie seem weird to you today

**bill: **aside from usual richieness??

**eddie:** yeah

richie’s usually pretty focused in class despite his…who he is

but today he seems really distracted

**eddie:** did he say anything to you??

**bill:** not really

but bitch!! have you seen your outfit today???

it’s a look!!

**eddie:** is that really it

**bill:** okay maybe i lied a bit

do you want the receipts™

they’re pretty nsfw

**eddie: **what the fuck show them to me

**bill:** [wholemeal.jpg]

**eddie:** ohmy god?

i didn’t think he’d be so thrown by it what the fuck

**bill:** you look good as fuck!!

**eddie:** yeah u right

**chee <3 -> love of my life <333**

_ 19:23 _

**richie:** eddieeeeeee

do you wanna come over

**eddie:** sure! why?

**richie:** i just really want to see you

**eddie:** is it because of my outfit today?

**richie:** wHat nO who tol d you that

**eddie:** bill

**richie: **that bastard

**eddie:** also you just seemed really clingy today

**richie: **…

maybe so

**eddie:** i’m coming

**richie:** you’ll be saying that again in a few minutes

**eddie:** RICHIE

**richie:** :)

**shane madej -> big billy ;)**

_ 19:27 _

**richie:** bill you bastard

**bill:** WHAT did i do richard

**richie:** exposing me like that >:(

**bill:** oh as if you wouldn’t have exposed yourself anyway

**richie:** sHut your Fuck

**bill:** have fun ;)

**ghostbuster -> ryan bergara**

_ 00:19 _

**bill:** so…

edward…

how was it

**eddie:** i don’t know what you’re talking about

**bill:** …how was the pullout

**eddie:** BIL LPL EASe

**bill:** ;)

**eddie:** richie’s really rubbed off on you

**bill:** haha rubbed off

**eddie:** shut up

<strike>sugar gay bro? </strike>

also was that a fucking stranger things reference before

you know how much that show weirds me out

that fuckin emo mike kid looks exactly like richie

**bill:** <strike>uhhhhh sugar gay?</strike>

does he?

**eddie:** [mikewheeler.jpg]

[richard.jpg]

**bill:** oh my fucking god

but that’s beside the point

how was it ;)))

**eddie: **fuck off billiam

<strike>it was really good im still at his house</strike>

i think he’s asleep but we’re cuddling

**bill:** DAMN EDDIE GET SOME

**eddie: **you act as if i’ve never had sex before

**bill: **my innocent young boy…what has he done to you

**eddie:** bitch? 

i was never innocent

also it’s more like what i did to him ;))

**bill:** EDDIE

[currentmood.jpg]

**bill:** okay good night i wish i never asked

**eddie:** coward

okay but actually richie is so soft and quiet when we’re together

i’m love him

**bill:** he really is a god damn baby huh

but our richie??? richard tozier??? quiet??? sounds fake

**eddie:** i’ll prove it ta ya big bill ;)

**bill:** that sounds really kinky,,, but yes i would like some soft richie™

**eddie:** wait until tomorrow he’s sleeping

**bill:** maybe you’re the soft one

**eddie: **McFuckOff

**bill:** :)

**bev and aisha’s biggest fans**

_ 10:07 _

**(kasp)brakets:** bill doesn’t believe that richie is actually quiet when he’s with me

so i am here in the year of our lord in 20gayteen to enlighten One Dumbass

o i forgot we did this

** _(kasp)brakets_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _(wheeze)_ **

** _flul stop _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _chickadee_ **

**chickadee:** me neither we need evidence for this trial to continue

fuck history this is more interesting

** _quesiton mike _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _soft michaelangelo_ **

**soft michaelangelo:** STAN ksdljgklfdgjhlhkj

i’m going into cardiac arrest

**coma:** what is this gay shit

**(wheeze): **yeah mike what the fuck

i’m homophobic all of a sudden

**soft michaelangelo:** you shut your god damn gay mouth eddie

**chickadee:** ily mike :)

** _coma_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _lavagay_ **

** _simecolon_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _sharkbi_ **

**lavagay:** I MISSED U BEN

**collon:** you two are literally in the same room right now

**sharkbi:** i missed my lavagay

**lavagay:** :’)))

** _collon _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _ danny phantom_ **

**chickadee:** what

stealing my brand?

**(wheeze):** bill why are you danny phantom

**lavagay:** yeah if anything stan should be stanny phantom

**soft michaelangelo:** no he’s my chickadee

**(wheeze):** mike you gayass

**soft michaelangelo:** :/// you got me there

**chickadee:** :)

**sharkbi:** you fools. you absolute buffoons. you fucking idiots.

because he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts

obviously

**(wheeze): **damn ben

**danny phantom:** ben <333 

see my husband gets it

**lavagay:** why don’t ben and bill have bfs/gfs

why haven’t we put all of our time and effort into finding ethereal beings for our boys

**chickadee:** IT’S WHAT THEY DESERVE

**(wheeze):** electric, and i cannot stress this enough, chair

**lavagay:** ben was right

we’re fools, absolute buffoons

how can we call ourselves gays when we let our brothers suffer like this

**soft michaelangelo:** truly

but helping ben and bill find the bf/gf they truly deserve is gonna be so hard because they’re the purest beings on this earth

**(wheeze):** rt

**chickadee:** rt

**lavagay:** r fuckin t

**danny phantom:** :’)

**sharkbi:** GUYSSS :’’’’’’’’’

**lavagay:** i’d die for both of you

**(wheeze): **ily ben and bill but anyway,,, does anyone actually want my soft richie™ exposé

**lavagay:** i love me some soft richie

**soft michaelangelo:** yes please

**(wheeze):** first of all,,, his lock screen is this pic of us

[soft.jpg]

**chickadee:** glad to be featured in this exposé

**(wheeze): **also,,,the backgrounds on his laptop are…

[this.jpg]

[andalsothis.jpg]

**chickadee:** mike in both of these pictures singlehandedly saved 2019

**sharkbi:** mood

**soft michaelangelo:** <333

**lavagay:** WE’RE SO CUTE TF

**danny phantom:** awww i remember that night

**(wheeze):** im lov u guys

video evidence™

[eds.vid]

_ video taken before eddie texts the chat _

_ richie’s sleeping and cuddling eddie with his head in his chest _

_ eddie tries to move but richie doesn’t want him to _

**r:** nnnnnn eds don’t get up. i don’t wanna wake up yet

_ eddie laughs and kisses his forehead _

**lavagay:** oh my godd

**danny phantom:** yes but this is just how richie is in the morning, we need some fully conscious proof

**sharkbi: **i second that notion

**chickadee:** yea one time he just started rambling about how much he loved us and also parks and rec at 5am while cuddling with me and ben

**(wheeze):** ok yeah

but wait...there’s more 

i have a video of richie from last week

[ineverfinishedmymathshomework.vid]

_ video taken by richie _

_ eddie is sitting on the couch doing his homework _

_ richie from the floor, leaning back on eddie’s legs _

**r: **eds

**e:** what do you want

**r: **pay attention to me

**e:** you do realise you have to do this too

**r:** but i wanna cuddle with youuuuuu

_ eddie rolls his eyes, puts his homework to the side and leans forwards and spiderman kisses richie _

**chickadee:** how does the jury rule, in favour of “nah quiet richie sounds fake” or “richard tozier is the softest man alive”

**lavagay: **i’ve believed in soft richie since the start

**sharkbi:** richard tozier is soft as fuck

**soft michaelangelo:** richie can join me in the soft gang

**(wheeze):** billy boy?? is that enough proof for you

because wait

there’s even more

**lavagay:** my god

**chickadee: **can richie get more soft

**(wheeze):** last sunday richie called me just to tell me he loves me

**danny phantom:** okay that’s pretty damn soft

richie’s entire act is exposed

**(wheeze):** i love my bf

**soft michaelangelo:** putting this much time and effort into proving that your bf is soft...

is soft as fuck eddie...don’t try to deny it

**(wheeze):** fuck

you got me there

** _(wheeze)_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _(gay wheeze)_ **

_ 11:20 _

**pucntuaoitn:** why the fuck are there so many notifications

this is too much reading i just woke up

**(gay wheeze):** nothing at all :)

**soft michaelangelo:** eddie’s soft

**(gay wheeze):** mike i swear to god

**soft michaelangelo:** hey you’re the one who main chatted it

**pucntuaoitn:** EDDIE

YOU’RE SO CUTE WHA T FHE FUCKDGJSHFTGFKSDLJGK 

**(gay wheeze):** <33

**pucntuaoitn: **also fuck yhou danny phantom whomtsever uyou are

stan???

**danny phantom:** no it’s bill

**pucntuaoitn:** why the fuck

ahh

he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts

**danny phantom:** i only trust richie and ben

**lavagay:** guess i’ll die

**danny phantom:** then perish

**lavagay: **[guessillperish.jpg]

WHAT ABOUT US

**(gay wheeze): **WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH

**danny phantom:** WELL WHAT ABOUT TRUST

**lavagay:** YOU KNOW I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOUUUUU

**soft michaelangelo:** AND WHAT ABOUT MEEEE

**chickadee:** WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DOOOOOOOO

**danny phantom:** I GOTTA LEAVE BUT

I’LL MISS YOUUUuuuuUUuUUUuu

**sharkbi: **I’LL MISS YOUUUuuuUuuuuuUuUuu

**lavagay:** nice work team

**pucntuaoitn:** you guys are so gay

**(gay wheeze): **y’all ever think about how chad and ryan were gay as fuck

**danny phantom:** all the god damn time

**chickadee:** they SWAPPED CLOTHES

**lavagay: **ryan and chad were gay and so were taylor and kelsi they all went as wlw/mlm solidarity

**soft michaelangelo:** god you’re all so right

**pucntuaoitn:** wait who’s chickadee

**chickadee: **it is i, stanny phantom

**pucntuaoitn:** why chickadee

**soft michaelangelo:** [imbald.jpg] ((mike’s contact list with stan circled))

**pucntuaoitn:** that’s gay mike

**sharkbi:** says you fuckin having eddie as ‘love of my life <333’

**lavagay:** also rich we just had a whole convo about how soft you are

**pucntuaoitn:** perish, all of you

** _(gay wheeze) _ ** _ changed _ ** _pucntuaoitn_ ** _ ’s name to _ ** _bunsolved_ **

**bunsolved:** okay except my eds <333

**(gay wheeze):** love you <3


	9. let's go lesbians!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lavagay: and i enter this chilis a new lesbian  
sharkbi: YES BEV  
bunsolved: idk what happened but i’m proud of bev  
chickadee: mood

**bev and aisha’s biggest fans**

_ 6:24 _

** _lavagay_ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _1-800 SO-FOR-BEN_ **

**sharkbi: **bev ily

**danny phantom:** hye

**lavagay:** omg billy sorry

** _lavagay _ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _1-800 SO-FOR-BEN-AND-BILL_ **

**danny phantom:** :))

**lavagay:** okay now onto why i’m here

i know none of us want to revisit our emo phases

**danny phantom:** lookin at you richie

**bunsolved:** i thought we were done talking about this

**sharkbi:** yOu eVeR sEeN mE wItHoUt tHiS sTuPiD hAt

**(gay wheeze):** truly traumatising times

**bunsolved:** shut up ben

**lavagay:** BUT,,, panic is so fucking good

**soft michaelangelo:** i- how is that related

**lavagay:** it just is

**soft michaelangelo:** ok valid

**sharkbi:** i’d let brendon urie murder me

**chickadee:** rt

**soft michaelangelo:** i was just listening to the acoustic version of this is gospel and LORD

i’m sobbing on the floor

**lavagay:** MOOD

**(gay wheeze):** i fELT THAT

**danny phantom: **N U T

**chickadee:** bill please

<strike>me too</strike>

**bunsolved:** i take piano this is gospel and raise you this: death of a bachelor

**(gay wheeze): **oOf

**danny phantom:** i want a bf who can sing like brendon urie

**sharkbi:** mood

**bunsolved:** the RANGE

as a music student,,,

[brendonurierawmechallenge.jpg]

**(gay wheeze):** i’ve heard the piano version of this is gospel more times than i’ve heard my own father’s voice

**soft michaelangelo:** felt that one

**lavagay:** jesus christ you two

**(gay wheeze):** yes bev?

and what about it

**lavagay:** ok you know what mood

**winter firegirl -> summer waterboy**

_ 15:38 _

**bev:** ben

benny

benny boy

**ben:** yes my queen?

**bev:** aww <3

i’m having some gay doubt™

**ben:** tell me about your gay doubt™

also general mood

**bev:** skdjdfk

okay so me and aisha have been…flirting pretty hardcore

**ben:** YESS

**bev:** but here is where the gay doubt™ comes in

**ben:** no……bev……sweetie……darling…….baby……..

**bev: **so we’ve been hitting it off but fuckin uhhhh

she kind of acts the same around other people?? 

like she flirts with them too and just

i know we aren’t dating but like,,, yeouch

i don’t really know if she actually likes me or not

**ben:** BEV

okay i know that stan’s gaydar is pretty shit

but i’m pretty sure she’s gay and likes one beverly marsh™

**bev:** :’)

what do i do tho…

**ben:** bev…

have you considered…

asking her to be your gf

**bev:** how did i not think of that damn

**ben:** no disrespect but bitch is you dumb

**bev:** >:^(

**ben:** love u too

**bev:** thanks for helping me through my gay crisis™ benny

**ben:** ;)

u can always come to me firegirl

**bev:** ugh i love u

**1-800 SO-FOR-BEN-AND-BILL**

_ 19:13 _

**lavagay:** and i enter this chilis a new lesbian

**sharkbi:** YES BEV

**bunsolved:** idk what happened but i’m proud of bev

**chickadee:** mood

**lavagay:** guess who just asked aisha to be their gf

**(gay wheeze):** BEVERLY MARSH!!!! A TAKEN WOMAN!!!

**bunsolved:** [HELLYEAH.jpg]

**soft michaelangelo:** fucking finally

**danny phantom:** yeah it only took you like 4 weeks

**lavagay: **bill i will not hesitate to kill you

**danny phantom:** then do it coward

**(gay wheeze):** the energy that had…

**chickadee:** top energy...

**lavagay:** jesus bill

ok not to flex

actually yeah to flex

but i was the quickest to ask after meeting them

**sharkbi:** u right 👀 👀 👀 eddie and richie

**(gay wheeze):** HEY

**bunsolved:** and look where we are now

**lavagay:** but also

👀 👀 👀 stan and mike

**soft michaelangelo:** hey………..i didn’t ask to be scalped in the gc tonight

**chickadee:** yea u right,, mike it took you ages to ask me out

**soft michaelangelo:** ,,,you could’ve asked me

**chickadee:** but consider this: who i am as a person

**soft michaelangelo:** u right

**danny phantom:** anyway,,, does this mean we’re making that gc

**bunsolved:** i call making it

**lavagay: **jeez

**sharkbi:** how the fuck did you type that so quick

**bunsolved:** [zoom.jpg]

_ 19:21 _

** _richie _ ** _ created the chat _ ** _ welcome to the losers club asshole_ **

** _richie _ ** _ added _ ** _aisha, ben, bev, bill, eddie, mike _ ** _ and _ ** _stan_ **

** _richie _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _richward_ **

** _eddie _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _edchard_ **

**edchard:** that sounds nasty but ily <33

**richward:** <3

**bev:** not even 1 minute into this gc richie and eddie are being gay™

**richward: **🏳️🌈

**bill:** gay rights!

**ben:** richie and eddie threw the first brick at stonewall

**bev:** mood

** _bev_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _bevsha_ **

** _stan _ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _stanchael_ **

** _mike_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _mikeley_ **

** _ben_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _beniam_ **

** _bill_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _billjamin_ **

**aisha: **what is this

** _richward_ ** _ changed _ ** _aisha_**_'__s name to _ ** _aisherly_ **

**aisherly:** i see

**stanchael:** so we don’t forget who’s dating who

**beniam:** stan

how the fuck would we forget who’s dating

**stanchael:** shut your Fuck ben

**aisherly:** so it’s richie and eddie

stan and mike

and ben and bill? 

and me and bev obvs

**bevsha:** we’re dating sdkgjfldkjgklsf

also yeah it’s reddie and stanlon but ben and bill aren’t actually dating

**edchard:** we never agreed on calling us reddie

**richward:** yeah it’s straight up just eddie with an r at the beginning

**stanchael:** kaspzier?????

**aisherly:** that is somehow worse

**mikeley:** reddie it is then

**billjamin:** i can’t believe the disrespect bev

this is denscom erasure

**edchard:** denscom and stanlon are better names than reddie

get a better name rich smh

**richward: **then how about i take yours eds

**mikeley:** there it is

**stanchael:** oh my god rich that was so lame

**edchard:** sHut up Richard

**bevsha:** @ ben and bill you guys aren’t actually dating smh

**billjamin:** excusE YOU BEV

**beniam:** me and bill are MARRIEd

**richward:** ***bill and i

**stanchael:** beep beep richie

**edchard:** beep beep richie

**billjamin:** beep beep richie

**beniam:** beep beep richie

**bevsha:** beep beep richie

**mikeley:** beep beep richie

fuckin straight a student bitchass

**richward:** that’s the only straight thing about me

**stanchael:** ok felt that

**aisherly:** i’m so confused

what does the beep mean

and are ben and bill dating or not???

**edchard:** the case will remain

**richward:** UNSOLVED

**stanchael:** we beep beep richie whenever we want him to shut up

**aisherly:** ah

beep beep richie

**richward:** :^(

**mikeley:** and no ben and bill aren’t dating

[isthatafriendsreference.jpg] (ben and bill’s marriage pact)

**billjamin:** <333 love you ben

**beniam:** <333

**aisherly: **okay

couple goals

**bevsha:** we also have a group chat called 1-800 so-for-ben-and-bill

**mikeley:** but we didn’t add you to that because it would be too hellish

**stanchael:** we’d probably send you running

**edchard:** i apologise on behalf of my boyfriend

**richward:** EDS NO

i thought we were a team

**edchard:** bitch u thought

**richward:** :^(

**aisherly: **i lowkey don’t understand how eddie and richie manage to stay together

**bevsha:** it truly is a mystery

**richward:** wow he loves me  🥰

**edchard:** maybe so

**mikeley:** are we really doing this

again

**billjamin:** time for receipts™

**stanchael:** aisha get ready for a blast of past convos of richie and eddie being soft™

**beniam:** there are a lot

**edchard:** gotta blast

**aisherly:** oh jeez

**mikeley:** [fuCk.jpg] (chapter 3: richie’s screenshot of his and eddie's convo with the contact name circled many times)

[FUCK.jpg] (chapter 3: richie and eddie - the target run)

**beniam:** [eddiesgayass2.jpg] (chapter 3: mike and eddie)

**stanchael: **[hesrhstattzckintragertt.jpg] (chapter 3: stan and richie)

**mikeley:** [top10animebetrayals.jpg] (chapter 3: mike and richie)

**billjamin:** [asnacc.jpg] (chapter 8: eddie adoration club)

**beniam:** [thecaseofsoftrichardtozier.jpg] (chapter 8: eddie talking about richie being soft)

**bevsha:** [eds.vid] (chapter 8: eddie's video of them in the morning)

**beniam:** [ineverfinishedmymathshomework.vid] (chapter 8: "give me attention")

**mikeley:** and the piece de resistance

[thatsgay.vid] (chapter 5: karaoke night)

**aisherly:** okay i stand very corrected

**richward:** i hate yall

**edchard:** same

apart from aisha she didn’t do anything wrong

**aisherly: **:)

**bevsha:** we love u reddie

**richward:** then perish

**stanchael:** this is just what we have from groupchats

**richward:** ;)))

**edchard:** shut up richard

**billjamin:** OH YEAH

eddie calls richie chee and it’s the most wholesome thing on the earth

**edchard:** fuck off bill

**aisherly: **SOFT

so what i’ve gained from this convo so far:

eddie and richie are soft

stan and mike are dating and i don’t know much about their relationship

ben and bill have a marriage pact but aren’t dating

we beep beep richie when he needs to shut the fuck up, and beverly’s cute

**bevsha:** yeouch my gay heart

**aisherly:** :)

**bevsha:** but yeah u right

**beniam:** yeah pretty much 

**stanchael:** [yougotusthere.jpg]

**billjamin:** stan and mike are a pg version of richie and eddie

so minus the arguing and pda

**mikeley: **hEY i can be nsfw

**stanchael:** mikey…sweetie…no you can’t

**mikeley:** :(

**aisherly:** cute

but also the fuck is the chat name supposed to mean

**edchard:** over to richie

**richward:** RIGHT SO BASICALLY

**stanchael:** we call ourselves the losers club because we’re lame and also welcome to the losers club asshole is something richie said to a cl*wn once

**richward:** STANLEY URIS

**billjamin:** top 10 anime betrayals

**aisherly:** why do you censor clown

**beniam:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABANDON SHIP

**mikeley: **SHE SAID THE C WORD

**billjamin:** fucc

**richward:** we don’t like that word

**stanchael:** bev is this who you want to be with

**edchard:** aisha,,, ****cl*wn

**bevsha:** we censor cl*wn because they’re evil and we hate them

**aisherly:** okay…

**1-800 SO-FOR-BEN-AND-BILL**

_ 19:37 _

**danny phantom:** so uhhhhhhhhh when do we tell aisha that the cl*wn at george’s birthday party tried to kill him

**bunsolved:** also that he broke eddie’s arm

**chickadee:** and fucking bit my face

**soft michaelangelo:** and that we fought him in the sewers

**sharkbi:** i feel like that’s probably a 2 month situation to explain

**chickadee:** 3 months at the most

**lavagay:** yeah…

we don’t need to scare her off with our 7th grade horror stories

**(gay wheeze):** and yet you felt perfectly comfortable exposing me and richie

**soft michaelangelo:** hey she’s the one who asked

**bunsolved:** i hate u chaotic evil michael

**soft michaelangelo:** :))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've just started school again so forgive me if i forget about this fic for a while


	10. party rockers in the house tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> danny phantom: ᵖᵃʳᵗʸ ʳᵒᶜᵏᵉʳˢ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵒᵘˢᵉ ᵗᵒⁿⁱᵍʰᵗ  
chickadee: it’s actually party rock is  
lavagay: hUh  
danny phantom: stan…shut your mouth

**1-800-SO-FOR-BEN-AND-BILL**

_ 17:24 _

**soft michaelangelo:** hey guys there’s a party at chloe parker’s house tomorrow night

should we crash it

**bunsolved:** chloe from calc???

**soft michaelangelo:** yea

**danny phantom:** in true loser’s club fashion, of course

**lavagay:** i’m bringing aisha YEEt

**bunsolved:** yote

**sharkbi:** richard

**(gay wheeze):** was that the past tense of yeet

**bunsolved:** yes and?

**(gay wheeze):** why am i dating you

**bunsolved:** for my charm and good looks

and also because i help you with your maths homework

**(gay wheeze):** damn u right

**danny phantom:** ᵖᵃʳᵗʸ ʳᵒᶜᵏᵉʳˢ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵒᵘˢᵉ ᵗᵒⁿⁱᵍʰᵗ

**chickadee:** it’s actually party rock is

**lavagay:** hUh

**danny phantom: **stan…shut your mouth

**soft michaelangelo:** so we’re going to the party then

**(gay wheeze):** yuh

wait what time is it at

**soft michaelangelo:** like???????? 7????????? idk

**bunsolved:** i’ll be at your house at 7 to drive you and bev babe

**lavagay:** just eddie

i’m gonna be at aisha’s after school tomorrow so she’ll drive us

also i know how to drive anyways

and i hate your car

**bunsolved:** wow

can’t believe you’re stopping me from pursuing my life’s dream of being an uber driver

**lavagay:** i’ve never been to oovoo javer

**(gay wheeze):** so i guess me and rich will be there at 7:30 when his car decides to fucking work

**bunsolved:** :^(

**danny phantom:** hey i luv richie’s car

**lavagay:** that thing has nearly killed us more times than i’d like

**sharkbi:** cursed

**danny phantom:** :^(

**bunsolved:** >:^(

**baberly -> my sweet aisha**

_ 17:36 _

**bev:** ai

sha

**aisha:** bev

erly

**bev:** do you wanna go to a party with me and the other losers

and by go to i mean crash

**aisha:** sure

whose party

**bev:** some girl from richie and mike’s calc class

**aisha:** okay

one question: will there be booze

**bev:** probably

OH MY GSOD

**aisha:** ??

**bev:** you can witness drunk bill

**aisha:** interesting…

**bev:** he’s like a whole different person

1: his stutter is _ completely gone _

2: he’s 130% more confident

3: he’s very competitive and starts squaring up with anyone who ‘wants to fucking go’ 

4: he’s very flirtatious

**aisha:** _interesting…_

**bev:** once i caught him trying to chat up a vase

it was…an experience

**aisha:** okay but i wanna know what stan is like when he’s drunk

**bev:** like…really chill and dopey

all of the stan stress™ disappears when he’s drunk and lowkey he needs to be carried around

**aisha:** soft

speaking of soft, drunk reddie

**bev:** jgdnjskhjkfkjdh 

do you want a list of how they all act drunk

**aisha:** yes

**bev:** eddie: wholesome because the booze makes him forget the aggressive act™

“stan you have really beautiful eyes” 

“bill is just like…so strong…i love our leader bill” 

“hey ben have i told you i love you”

“have you met my boyfriend?? he’s like,, the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen.

where’s my boyfriend?!?!?!?! i love him so much”

**aisha:** eddie’s valid

**bev:** richie: big crier, very clingy, like regular richie x100

if he can’t see one of us there’s like a 70% chance he’ll start crying

reddie drunk together is a whole other level of wholesome

they’re either cuddling on a sofa or on the ground

and eddie usually falls asleep like an hour after he starts drinking and they both just

fall asleep together

**aisha:** that’s so cute 

**bev:** [passedoutboys.jpg] ((richie and eddie on someone’s couch, eddie’s on top of richie, who has his arm around eddie’s waist))

**aisha:** WHOLESOME

**bev: **ben and mike are both tired drunks but sometimes ben will wake up with a sudden burst of energy and just start fucking running

sometimes he goes all everything is fake we live in a simulation

mike is usually the designated driver though

**aisha:** i feel like me and drunk ben would get along

i love me some conspiracy theories

**bev:** we marathoned all of buzzfeed unsolved together one time

and couldn’t sleep after it

**aisha:** i love yours and ben’s friendship

**bev:** we’re iconic

he’s the sharkboy to my lavagirl

**aisha: **the behaviour you exhibited was iconic like, the legend jumped out

**bev:** :’) my girl, quoting memes

**aisha: **beautiful friendship aside, where and when is the party

**bev:** okay…i don’t know where it is,, but it’s at 7

we can ride with mike and stan

**aisha:** doesn’t stan live far away from mike

**bev:** yeah but stan is a bottom he can’t drive

**aisha:** i see

**bev:** yeah

**aisha:** see you tomorrow?

**bev:** you betcha

**aisha:** <3

**bev:** <333

**1-800 SO-FOR-BEN-AND-BILL**

_ 11:19 _

**lavagay:** [sofound???.vid] 

_ bev is filming her richie and mike playing beer pong when she spots something _

_ she turns around and sees and films a tipsy ben and bill making out _

_ she starts yelling, slapping richie and mike _

_ the people they’re playing against score a cup _

**bev:** god DAMN IT mike take this

_ bev passes the scored cup to mike as she zooms in on ben and bill _

_ richie starts speedwalking away _

**richie** _distantly_: GET SOME BILLY eds come see this

_mike chugs as bev cheers him on_

**mike** _ _slamming down the cup_ _ **:** THOSE ARE MY BOYS 

_ bev swaps the camera back to her with a surprised/yelling face _

**bev:** holy FU-

_ the video ends abruptly _

**chickadee:** does this call for another chat name change

**bunsolved:** ben and bill,,, our most iconic power couple

**soft michaelangelo:** thank you twenty gayteen

**chickadee:** [apowercouplerests.jpg] ((ben and bill passed out on eddie’s couch, cuddling))

**lavagay:** DAMN BEN AND BILL GET SOME

**chickadee:** let our kings rest

**(gay wheeze):** they’re waking up omg i’ll be back with receipts

**bunsolved: **and we wait here for receipts

**lavagay:** [mood.jpg]

**soft michaelangelo:** MOOD

**chickadee:** [billthatsgay.vid] 

_ bill slowly opens his eyes, blinks hard, looks over at ben, smiles and goes back to sleep _

**bunsolved:** OH MY GOD

**lavagay:** what a mood

**(gay wheeze):** soft bill has emerged

** _lavagay _ ** _ changed the chat name to _🏳️🌈 **_congrats to the newlyweds ben and bill!!! _**🏳️🌈

**benny my husband <33 -> my husband billiam <3**

_ 14:16 _

**ben:** so uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

did you see the group chat

**bill:** yeah

so it turns out we did that™

**ben:** yeah we did

and i’m sorry but i can barely remember anything

**bill:** same

it’s all kind of a blur

i vaguely remember us making out tho

**ben:** ;)

**bill: **and let me just say,,, it was pretty great

**ben:** yeah…it was…amazing

**bill:** ben

are we a thing?

**ben:** okay…i really don’t want to let you down or anything but

**bill: **i get it

**ben:** yeah…i just don’t know if i want something right now

despite how often i complain on the gc

**bill:** yeah me too

but…that kiss was amazing and i love and appreciate you

**ben:** SAME BILLY <333

but also

**bill:** yes i would totally make out with you if you asked

**ben:** mood

what i meant was…i have an idea™

**bill: **oh no ben honey your ideas are always terrible

**ben:** i resent that

**bill:** what’s your idea

**ben:** you know the others are 100% crying over the fact that we made out and fell asleep cuddling right now

**bill:** yeah bev texted me just saying “get some billy”

**ben:** same

we could,,, fake date

**bill:** HELL YES

**ben:** because we could basically just be like stan and mike,,, because they’re super pg

although i’d totally make out with you no questions asked

**bill:** yEs

i’d make out with you too

**ben:** so we’re doing it?

**bill:** that sounds suggestive but yes ;)

**ben:** wow i love my bf

**bill:** mood

**ben:** also i’m fucking hungry do you wanna get food

**bill:** ben hanscom…are you asking me out?????

**ben:** absolutely

**bill:** diner?

**ben:** duh

**🏳️🌈 congrats to the newlyweds ben and bill!!! 🏳️🌈**

_ 17:37 _

**danny phantom:** we’re back from our honeymoon

**sharkbi: **[honeymoon.jpg] ((picture of bill eating fries))

**lavagay:** i love my dads!!

**chickadee:** iconic power couple

**bunsolved:** i’m gonna go into cardiac arrest right fucking now

**(gay wheeze):** ok i know we were clowning before but…

is this real

**lavagay:** eddie…

cl*wning

**(gay wheeze):** oH GOD OH FUCK

**bunsolved:** ben and bill tell us challenge

**danny phantom:** [….gif]

**sharkbi:** [………..jpg]

**soft michaelangelo:** HOLY SHIT

**(gay wheeze):** GET SOME BOYS

**bunsolved:** i feel like my kids just got married

**danny phantom:** [perhaps!.jpg] ((a picture of bill kissing ben’s cheek))

**lavagay:** [ISTHISALLOWED.jpg]

** soft michaelangelo: **[currentmood.jpg]

**(gay wheeze):** can i get a motherfuckin ᵍᵃʸʸʸʸʸʸ ʳⁱᵍʰᵗˢˢˢˢ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we've officially reached the last chapter of this fic that i originally wrote in early-mid 2018 before finding it again a couple months ago!


	11. baby can't you see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> richward: did you guys not haha  
billjamin: i did  
stanchael: i didn’t  
mikeley: i didn’t  
bevsha: i didn’t  
edchard: i didn’t  
beniam: i didn’t  
aisherly: i didn’t

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_ 4:18 _

**richward:** SOMETIMES I FEEL I’VE GOT TO

[dundun.jpg]

RUN AWAY

haha 4:20

oh

am

i should sleep

_ 8:32 _

**aisherly:** richie……what the fuck

**billjamin:** I’VE GOT TO

[dundun.jpg]

GET AWAY

**bevsha:** oh they do that sometimes

**stanchael:** [richieshutupchallenge.jpg]

**mikeley:** this is just a standard 4am morning on our other chat

the one we didn’t add you to for this Sole reason

**edchard:** rich blease keep your dumbassery to congrats to the newlyweds

**richward:** did you guys not haha

**billjamin:** i did

**stanchael:** i didn’t

**mikeley:** i didn’t

**bevsha:** i didn’t

**edchard:** i didn’t

**beniam:** i didn’t 

**aisherly:** i didn’t

**richward:** bill is officially the only funny one here

the rest of you? funneyphobes

🏳️🌈 **congrats to the newlyweds ben and bill!!! **🏳️🌈

_ 23:27 _

**bunsolved:** baby can’t you see

𝓲'𝓶 𝓬𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰

**lavagay:** a guy like you should wear a 𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰

**danny phantom:** it’s dangerous

ɓuıllɐɟ ɯ,ı

**soft michaelangelo:** there’s no escape

𝔦 𝔠𝔞𝔫’𝔱 𝔴𝔞𝔦𝔱

**sharkbi:** i need a hit

baby give me ⅈⅈⅈⅈ𝕥𝕥𝕥𝕥

**chickadee:** you’re dangerous

ι'м ℓσνιηg ιт

**(gay wheeze):** 𝓽𝓸𝓸 𝓱𝓲𝓰𝓱

ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ᶜᵒᵐᵉ ᵈᵒᵒᵒʷⁿ

**bunsolved:** losin my head

ｓｐｉｎｎｉｎ ｒｏｕｎｄ ａｎｄ ｒｏｕｎｄ

**danny phantom:** ḍ̸̛̻̫͌̀̓͌͂̓̕̕ȍ̶̡̨͖̯̲̳̔̃̂̿͝ͅ ̷͉̺̰̣͎̳͌̅͋͛͘͜ͅy̷̪͖̣̏́̋̅̇ǒ̶̞̓̍̅͊̌͑̅̃̚ṵ̶̞̜̝͌̍̅͋̊͊͝ ̴̧̪͔͔̠̣̟̀̑̇͊f̷̯̥̟̭̖̖͙̐͗͋̋̈́̚ė̵̙͍̝̲̱̖̇͗̒͘̕ȩ̵͈̓l̴̪͖̞͕̩̞̣̱̍̓̐̇̚͘̚͘͜ ̷̪͌̊͛͆͘m̵̢̧̨̹̝͎̺̠̭̓͛͐̈́͑͋̃͛̑ḛ̶̼͚̯̝̫̑̿ ̴̣̍̉́̆͛̅̓̀͑͠n̵̺̼͆̆͛̄́̽o̵̢̡̟͚͇̳̖͊̐̇̚w̷̫̕͠?̴̢̜̦̮̖͓͛̚

**bunsolved: …………**..

ƎᗡIЯ A ͶO M'I ꙄꟼI⅃ ЯUOY ꟻO ƎTꙄAT A HTIW

**(gay wheeze): **𝒀𝑶𝑼**'**𝑹𝑬 𝑻𝑶𝑿𝑰𝑪 𝑰**'**𝑴 𝑺𝑳𝑰𝑷𝑷𝑰𝑵 𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹𝑹𝑹

**lavagay:** ᏇᎥᏖᏂ Ꮧ ᏖᏗᏕᏖᏋ ᎧᎦ Ꮧ ᎮᎧᎥᏕᎧᏁ ᎮᏗᏒᏗᎴᎥᏕᏋ

**soft michaelangelo: 🅸'🅼 🅰🅳🅳🅸🅲🆃🅴🅳 🆃🅾 🆈🅾🆄**

**chickadee:** d̶͆̂̎̿͝ͅo̷̥͑̐̊̈̚n̵̦̖̖̞̞̂͜'̴͉̩̬̮̳͚̟̳͝ṫ̸̳͖̖͍̈́͆ ̷͔̥͖̺̼̤̯͇͌̏͂̾̔̊͝ẏ̵͖̮͕̫͈̆̀͒́͝͝o̴̘͎͎͖͈̰̬̤̼̥͊̈́̀̐̋͂̂͘ű̷̗̪̻͈̪͙̺̻̉ ̷̢̛̠͉̗̩̓̕͠k̷̫̰͍̞̺͇̟̹̮̅̋̍͛̇̕ͅn̴̡͇͎̥̘͙͎̥̈́̇̕͜ơ̸͚̣̳̦̯͖͔̾͆͝ͅw̸̡̢̮̞̲̾̑͆̓͘͜ ̴̫̙͈͍̻͍̆̑̈́̄̂̑͘̚͝ẗ̶̜̳̫̫͓́̽̅͐͘ḩ̷̢̦͇͔̖͔̞͗͌͂̇̆̀̉̊̓̎͜à̷͈͖͉̤̤̻̫̪̍ͅt̵͍̟̗̞̍̋̑͆͑̍͊ ̸̡̲̫̱̻̮͈͋͆͂̐͗̋͜y̴̤̾̒́̍̈́͑̀̈́̎ơ̴̡͖͍̻̭͓͕̣͗̐̈́̍̓̎̕͝u̴̡̺͚̻̣͎͚̦̇̄'̶̡̧̢̬̙̠͉͍̫͎̓͂r̶̞͚͚͔̠̱̲͙͜͝e̴̩̐̓̾ ̶̳̥̗̱̲̳͆̐̋́́͗͂t̴͙̝̘̫̰͓̕ͅͅợ̸̤̞͕͓̭̎̇͆̾́̔͗͘͘͜x̶̧̛̝͓̳͙̬͍̯̲̾͐̍̓̕͝i̶̠͇̜̻̞͊̀͒͒͂͘̕c̶̛͇͇͕̼̪̐́͑̓̅̈́̎̑̕

**sharkbi:** funky guitar bit!!!

**danny phantom:** 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔦 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔴𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔡𝔬

**lavagay: **𝒹𝑜𝓃**'**𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊**'**𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝑜𝓍𝒾𝒸

**bunsolved:** it’s gettin late

to give you up

**(gay wheeze):** i took a sip

ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵐʸ ᵈᵉᵛⁱˡ'ˢ ᶜᵘᵖ

**danny phantom:** slowly

IƬ'Ƨ ƬΛKIПG ӨVΣЯ MΣ

**chickadee:** 𝓽𝓸𝓸 𝓱𝓲𝓰h

ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ᶜᵒᵐᵉ ᵈᵒᵒᵒʷⁿ

**sharkbi:** it’s in the air ąղժ ìէ'ʂ ąӀӀ ąɾօմղժ

**soft michaelangelo: ** c⃣ a⃣ n⃣ y⃣ o⃣ u⃣ f⃣ e⃣ e⃣ l⃣ m⃣ e⃣ n⃣ o⃣ w⃣ ?⃣

**lavagay: …………**..

𝒲𝐼𝒯𝐻 𝒜 𝒯𝒜𝒮𝒯𝐸 𝒪𝐹 𝒴𝒪𝒰𝑅 𝐿𝐼𝒫𝒮 𝐼**'**𝑀 𝒪𝒩 𝒜 𝑅𝐼𝒟𝐸

**bunsolved:** ᴚƎᗡN∩ ⅁NIԀԀI˥S W,I ƆIXO⊥ Ǝᴚ,∩O⅄

**danny phantom:** 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝔸 𝕋𝔸𝕊𝕋𝔼 𝕆𝔽 𝔸 ℙ𝕆𝕀𝕊𝕆ℕ ℙ𝔸ℝ𝔸𝔻𝕀𝕊𝔼

**chickadee: **𝘐**'**𝘔 𝘈𝘋𝘋𝘐𝘊𝘛𝘌𝘋 𝘛𝘖 𝘠𝘖𝘜

**(gay wheeze):** ＤＯＮ＇Ｔ ＹＯＵ ＫＮＯＷ ＴＨＡＴ ＹＯＵ＇ＲＥ ＴＯＸＩＣ

**sharkbi:** αη∂ ι ℓσνє ωнαт уσυ ∂σ

**soft michaelangelo:** ๔๏ภ'Շ ץ๏ย кภ๏ฬ ՇђคՇ ץ๏ย'гє Շ๏אเς

**lavagay:** 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜𝓍𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝓂𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓌

𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕚𝕟 𝕟𝕠𝕨

**danny phantom:** 🅸 🆃🅷🅸🅽🅺 🅸'🅼 🆁🅴🅰🅳🆈 🅽🅾🆆

**bunsolved:** ⁱ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏ ⁱ'ᵐ ʳᵉᵃᵈʸ ⁿᵒʷ

**chickadee:** what the fuck is wrong with us

**lavagay:** we’re gays stan

when someone starts with toxic we can’t just stand by

**chickadee:** yeah…

**danny phantom: **i think britney’s spirit just possessed all of us

**(gay wheeze):** she possessed richie and then we all followed suit

as we should

**bunsolved:** my power…my influence

**sharkbi:** thank u britney for our lives

**_soft michaelangelo _**_changed the chat name to _𝒀𝑶𝑼**_'_**𝑹𝑬 𝑻𝑶𝑿𝑰𝑪 𝑰**_'_**𝑴 𝑺𝑳𝑰𝑷𝑷𝑰𝑵 𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹

**bunsolved:** good.

_ 12:31 _

**chickadee:** [nontriangle.jpg] ((picture of the losers 2 years ago, bill’s hair is NOT triangular))

guys…bill…without a triangle forehead

also we are SO cute

**lavagay:** wow……..

to believe we all lived in a world with triangleless bill…

**soft michaelangelo:** we were all…babey

**sharkbi:** GOD bill’s haircut…iconic

**chickadee:** this must have been a year after we met

**danny phantom:** i’m love us

**(gay wheeze):** richard your glasses are dummy thicc

**bunsolved:** just like me babey!!!!1!1!

**sharkbi:** richard you don’t have an ass

**lavagay:** yeah.

**bunsolved:** wOW

**(gay wheeze):** they’re right…

**danny phantom:** hold on…

was this when me and richie used to d*te

**chickadee:** oH

yeah this is from 2 years ago it must have been

**bunsolved:** truly a Time

i’m love u billy

**danny phantom:** 😩

richie wouldn’t be the clingy bottom he is today without me

**lavagay:** OOP

**bunsolved:** bill i swear to god

**danny phantom:** you’re welcome eddie

**(gay wheeze): ** _ BILL _

**sharkbi:** rip bichie…you were bitches

𝒀𝑶𝑼_'_𝑹𝑬 𝑻𝑶𝑿𝑰𝑪 𝑰_'_𝑴 𝑺𝑳𝑰𝑷𝑷𝑰𝑵 𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹

_ 16:42 _

**lavagay:** gays…i think…it’s time™

**(gay wheeze):** for what

**chickadee:** oh god oh fuck

**(gay wheeze):** ???¿¿¿

**lavagay:** i think it’s time for us to tell aisha about the cl*wn

**bunsolved:** _oh god oh fuck_

**danny phantom:** hmmmmmmmmmmm

**soft michaelangelo:** it’s been a couple months……………

is it Time™

**sharkbi:** i mean if richie sending svu tainted love at 4am hasn’t scared her off

**bunsolved:** that was FUNNY

**(gay wheeze):** was it tho…was it tho...........

**lavagay:** it wasn’t

moving on, how do we go about telling aisha

**soft michaelangelo:** “so basically a cl*wn tried to kill us”

**(gay wheeze):** “you know that mark on stan’s face? yeah a cl*wn did that”

**chickadee:** 😔

**soft michaelangelo:** it’s a cute scar baby

**chickadee:** 🥰

**sharkbi:** gay

**lavagay:** god damn it guys stop being gay and help

**soft michaelangelo:** yes ma’am

**(gay wheeze):** bev’s power…

**danny phantom:** bev there’s no way we can tell this story without it sounding fucking wild

**bunsolved: **because it Was wild

**sharkbi:** you punched me

**chickadee:** you made me walk through shitty water

**soft michaelangelo:** you brought me to a fuckin crackhead house

**(gay wheeze):** and now…i’m gonna have to kill this fucking cl*wn

**danny phantom:** it’s wild bev.

**lavagay:** ugh yeah   


**baberly -> my sweet aisha**

_ 16:58 _

**bev:** this isn’t gonna make any sense but please bare with me

**aisha:** what

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_ 17:01 _

**bevsha:** so basically

**stanchael:** oh god oh fuck

**edchard:** we’re doin it

**aisherly:** what the hell is going on

**bevsha:** 3 years ago there was this wack ass cl*wn at georgie’s 8th birthday party

**richward:** georgie 🥰

**billjamin:** it tried to kill him

**aisherly:** what the _ fuck _

**beniam:** yeah.

**mikeley:** the cl*wn did some other wack ass shit

**richward:** he broke eddie’s arm

**edchard:** [yeah.jpg]

**aisherly:** what the fuck??????

**mikeley:** it also bit stan

**beniam:** it’s a pretty sick scar

**stanchael:** thank u benny

**richward:** this all resulted in a fight in the sewers

**aisherly:** how did you get to the sewers??????????

**bevsha:** it just be like that sometimes

**billjamin:** yeah sometimes you just end up fighting a cl*wn in the sewers

**edchard:** yeah

normal 13 year old stuff

**aisherly:** i

so that’s why you guys censor cl*wn

**beniam:** she gets it.

**aisherly:** that’s wild

**mikeley:** yeah.

**richward:** you punched me in the face

**aisherly:** what

**bevsha:** you made me walk through shitty water

**aisherly:** huh

**edchard:** you brought me to a fuckin crackhead house

**aisherly:** crackhouse??

**stanchael:** and now…

**aisherly:** i’m lost

**billjamin:** i’m gonna have to kill this fucking cl*wn.

**aisherly:** exblain

**mikeley:** _WELCOME TO THE LOSERS CLUB ASSHOLE_

**aisherly:** ok i know that bit

**beniam:** that’s what richie said when we were in the sewers

**aisherly:** ok that’s pretty fucking iconic

**richward:** yeah i singlehandedly saved us from the cl*wn :/

**stanchael:** shut the fuck up richie no you didn’t

**edchard:** hey….it was iconic

**richward:** im luv u eds, defending my honour and shit

**aisherly:** that’s gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> home of phobic that the pride flag emojis don't work


	12. i will pepper in the fact that i am slutty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lavagay: you know what i just realised?
> 
> bill is a MASSIVE slut
> 
> danny phantom: excuse me?
> 
> (gay wheeze): i agree but explain

𝒀𝑶𝑼'𝑹𝑬 𝑻𝑶𝑿𝑰𝑪 𝑰'𝑴 𝑺𝑳𝑰𝑷𝑷𝑰𝑵 𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹

_ 15:21 _

**sharkbi:** i have something to tell you guys

**lavagay:** oh my god are u coming out again

**danny phantom:** i support you ben

**sharkbi:** i…

_i’m_ _ a directioner _

**soft michaelangelo:** oh my god

**(gay wheeze):** then perish.

**danny phantom: **okay i take it back

**sharkbi: **😔

**bunsolved:** i….

ben i…

i am also….

<strike>a directioner</strike>

**(gay wheeze):** richie…………..

is that what you were singing in your sleep last night

**bunsolved:** yes EDDIE and WHAT about it

**(gay wheeze):** understood have a good day

**sharkbi:** richie……

**bunsolved:** ben……

**sharkbi:** you’re insecure

don’t know what for

**lavagay:** jesus christ.

**chickadee:** i’m-

**bunsolved:** you’re turning heads when you walk through the do oh or

**sharkbi:** don’t need makeup

**bunsolved:** to cover up

**sharkbi:** being the way that you are is enou ou ough

**bunsolved:** EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM CAN SEE IT

**danny phantom:** what in the god damn hell

**soft michaelangelo:** they’re bonding shhh

**sharkbi:** EVERYONE ELSE BUT YOUUUUUUU

**bunsolved:** _ BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE _

**sharkbi:** _ THE WAY THAT YOU FLIP YOU HAIR GETS ME OVERWHELMED _

**bunsolved:** _ BUT WHEN YOU SMILE AT THE GROUND IT AIN’T HARD TO TELL _

**sharkbi:** _ YOU DON’T KNOW OH OH _

**bunsolved:** _ YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL_

**(gay wheeze):** rich i’m breaking up with you

**bunsolved:** that’s ok, all i need is my fellow directioner ben

**sharkbi:** yeah fuck you eddie

**(gay wheeze):** wow ben, stealing my mans

guess it’s just me and bill

**danny phantom:** hell yeah babey

**lavagay:** i don’t know what i just witnessed

**chickadee: **so much just happened

**soft michaelangelo:** [meneither.jpg]

_ 23:47 _

**(gay wheeze):** [whatthefuck.vid]

_ eddie is walking up stairs. he pans up to richie’s bedroom door and opens it _

**e:** hey bab-what the fuck?

_ richie and ben are sitting on the floor crying. eddie walks into the room to see a zayn poster on the wall _

_ eddie starts to laugh, the video cuts _

**bunsolved:** LISTEN

**sharkbi:** feel like pure shit just want zayn back x

**lavagay:** i’m

**chickadee: **ok i’ll bite

i can’t tell the difference between the other 2 members

**danny phantom:** yeah me neither

**bunsolved:** WOW

𝒀𝑶𝑼'𝑹𝑬 𝑻𝑶𝑿𝑰𝑪 𝑰'𝑴 𝑺𝑳𝑰𝑷𝑷𝑰𝑵 𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹

_ 18:18 _

**lavagay: **you know what i just realised?

bill is a MASSIVE slut

**danny phantom:** excuse me?

**(gay wheeze):** i agree but explain

**lavagay:** he’s dated 3/6 of the losers excluding himself

me, rich and now ben

**chickadee:** wow

**soft michaelangelo:** OH YEAH i forgot you two dated

**lavagay:** we were dummy repressed

**danny phantom:** [andeye-.jpg]

**lavagay:** am i WRONG though

**danny phantom: **13 year old bev and bill were so far in the closet does it still count

**(gay wheeze):** yes.

**bunsolved:** wow bill you big slut

**lavagay:** big slutty bill

**danny phantom:** i hate y’all

**(gay wheeze):** [slut.jpg]

**my husband billiam <3 -> benny my husband <33**

_ 18:26 _

**bill:** so

when are we gonna tell them

**ben:** oop

i can’t believe we’ve kept it up this long

**bill:** and yet we still aren't hopelessly in love

**ben:** sometimes it be like that

**bill:** yeah.

**ben:** OH

**bill:** what

**ben:** it’s march 31st

you know what that means

**bill:** oH MY GOD

**ben:** we have to stage the Most dramatic break up

**bill:** we absolutely do

**ben:** NICE

**bill:** our fucking minds ben

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_ 23:41 _

**billjamin:** i really can’t deal with this right now ben

**beniam:** it’s not my fault you never have enough time for me BILL

**billjamin: **i’ve got commitments! a life outside of our relationship and friends!

you aren’t so good at making time yourself, ben

**beniam:** WOW, PINNING IT ALL ON ME, HUH

**billjamin:** maybe i am

maybe this whole thing isn’t working out

**beniam:** what, you’re just gonna break up with me then?

**billjamin:** as if you don’t want to

**mikeley:** WHAT THE FUCK

**beniam:** shit

**billjamin:** have we been in this chat the whole time

**stanchael:** UH YEAH

**richward:** what the fuck is going on

OH MY GOD

**bevsha: **i’m traumatised

this is the worst day of my life

**aisherly:** [allofus.jpg]

**edchard:** this breakup is more painful than my parents’ divorce

**richward:** felt that

_ 00:00 _

**billjamin:** YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING DUMB HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**aisherly:** what

**edchard:** what the fuck

**mikeley:** i-

**beniam:** congratulations guys you’ve graduated from cl*wn school

your shoes are over there, your noses too

we fuckin GOTCHA

[HA.jpg]

**stanchael:** oh my god

look at the date

**bevsha:** jesus fucking christ

**richward:** i don’t get it

**bevsha:** rich you fucking dumbass

it’s april 1st

**richward:** bill and ben i hate you guys

**stanchael:** i’m…

**edchard:** so we went through all that trauma for nothing?

**billjamin:** yeah.

**aisherly:** so…….you guys are still together?

**beniam:** nah we never were

**mikeley:** exCUSE ME?

**edchard:** what the fuck??????

**billjamin:** this was all an elaborate gotcha

**richward:** it was 4 months??????

**beniam:** me and bill are talented like that

**stanchael:** let me get this straight

**aisherly:** we are Not straight stan

**stanchael:** so let me get this gay

you guys fake dated for 4 fucking months just for an april fool’s joke

**beniam:** and what about it stan

**stanchael:** i-

**billjamin:** ok to be fair, we kind of a forgot for a bit

**mikeley:** wow

**bevsha:** why fake it in the first place though????

**billjamin:** ok well we did genuinely make out at that party

but we didn’t really feel the spark afterwards

**beniam:** and you guys seemed so happy that we’d gotten together that we just like, couldn’t do that

**billjamin: **we did That

**stanchael:** that has to be the most ben and bill thing to do ever

**mikeley:** you guys are dumb as fuck

**beniam:** maybe so!

**billjamin:** we have one brain cell between us and it loves its friends

**richward:** gay

**beniam: **no u

**richward:** well you got me there

**bevsha:** so bill ISN’T a slut????

[sonoslut?.jpg]

**mikeley:** i guess this levels the slut scales between richie and bill

**stanchael:** oh my god

**mikeley:** because richie’s dated bill and eddie

and bill dated bev and richie

**richward:** eddie i’m your slut <333

**edchard:** i hated that.

**richward:** coward.

**billjamin:** and i feel slutty in this chili’s tonight

**richward:** rt

**mikeley:** the narrative bill just had…

**stanchael: **that was the 5 stages of grief right there

**beniam:** powerful…

this was fine art

**billjamin:** [wow.jpg]

**aisherly:** you guys are dumb as shit

**bevsha:** perhaps we are

**beniam:** you’re one of us now tho aisha…

**aisherly:** damn maybe so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok perhaps i wrote the main bit of this chapter because i forgot i had written fake dating ben and bill


	13. stitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bunsolved: does anyone know how to do stitches  
lavagay: haha shawn mended

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: parental abuse

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_20:45_

**bunsolved:** does anyone know how to do stitches

**lavagay:** haha shawn mended

**bunsolved:** bev.

**lavagay:** nah i don’t

why?

did something happen?

**bunsolved:** i’m bleeding

[voice message, 2 seconds: *fuckboy ahaha*]

**lavagay:** wHat

**(gay wheeze):** what the fuck

are you ok???????

**bunsolved:** no

**chickadee:** shit

**woo loo woo queen! -> stanny baby**

_20:56_

**bev:** eddie’s freaking out

**stan:** fuck

**bev:** we’re driving to richie’s house

**stan:** stop by mine? i have first aid stuff

**bev:** we’ll be there in 10

i hope he’s ok

**love of my life <333 -> chee <3**

_21:07_

** _chee <3_ ** _ missed 1 call_

**eddie:** baby

are you okay?

what happened?

**richie:** hhhhhh

**eddie:** you can tell me

**richie:** parents

**eddie:** shit

they hurt you?

are they still there?

**richie:** i have to go

**eddie:** rich

fuck

i’m on my way

god i hope you’re ok

i love you so much

_21:12_

_incoming call from _ ** _my sun and moon <33_ ** _ to _ ** _my lil chickadee <3_ **

**s:** mike?

**m:** hey love, is richie alright? i just saw the chat

**s:** i don’t think so

**eddie** _panicked:_ bev can you go faster?

**bev** _trying to stay calm:_ yeah of course

he’s gonna be okay eddie, we’ll be there soon

_the puff of eddie’s inhaler is heard in the background_

**m:** do you know what happened?

**s:** not exactly, eddie says it’s something to do with his parents but richie left all of a sudden and hasn’t answered anything since

i think they’re still there

**b:** shit, stan if they’re still at home there’s no way we’re gonna be able to get in and help richie

**s:** _shit._

**m:** i have about 10 minutes, i can call the house and get the toziers to leave

even if i can’t be there in person i can still try my best to help

**s:** how?

**m:** i don’t know, impersonate wentworth’s boss? tell him he needs to go?

**s:** it’s 9 at night, mike.

and do you even know where he works?

**m:** i’m sure it’s some office job

i’ll just impersonate an old white dude, that’s bound to work

**s:** it’s risky

**m:** this is important.

you might get hurt if you try to sneak in, babe

**s:** if your plan doesn’t work we’re gonna have to

**m:** wait a couple blocks down, i’ll text you if it works

but please be careful if it doesn’t

**s:** okay

**m:** tell rich i love him

**s:** i will

good luck, i love you

**m:** love you too

_call ended_

**stan, bev and eddie**

_21:20_

[bev’s car.]

**stan:** can you pull over here?

_bev nods, and stops the car._

[they sit parked far enough to not seem suspicious, but close enough that they can still see richie’s house from where they are.]

**stan:** mike’s gonna try get the toziers to leave the house so we can get in

but if it doesn’t work we’re gonna have to try and sneak in

_bev is holding eddie’s hand, stroking it lightly with her thumb, trying to keep him calm_

**bev: **you think it’s gonna work?

**stan:** i’m not so sure, but it’s the best chance we’ve got

_stan leans forward to look at eddie in the front seat of the car_

eddie? do you know if there’s a way we can sneak into richie’s room? 

if mike’s plan doesn’t work

**eddie **_shakily_**:** yeah, his room is on the first floor so all we need to do is get him to open his window

**bev:** that’s good, it’ll be easy to get him out then

**eddie:** but his parents’ room is on the floor above so they might see us from their window

**stan:** we’ll just have to be really quiet then, keep the car somewhere they can’t see that isn’t too far

i don’t know what’ll happen if they see us

**bev:** hopefully it won’t come to that

**eddie:** god, i hope mike’s plan works

**stan:** me too

_bev presses a gentle kiss to eddie’s forehead, wiping away the tears that have started to form_

_she reaches up to take the hand stan had rested on her shoulder_

**bev:** now we wait.

_21:24_

_incoming call from _ ** _unknown number_ ** _ to _ ** _tozier household_ **

**wentworth **_hostile_**:** who is this?

**mike** _deepening his voice_: went? it’s work calling

**w:** work? it’s god damn 9 o’clock

**m:** i know it’s late, but i need you to come in as soon as possible

**w:** i just came back from fucking work, can’t i get a second to relax? asshole.

**m:** it’s an emergency

**w:** fuck your emergency, find someone else.

**m:** went-

_call ended_

**m:** fuck.

**my sun and moon <33 ->** **my lil chickadee <3**

_21:28_

**mike:** it didn’t work

he’s such an asshole, the way he spoke on the phone

**stan:** fuck

**mike:** promise me you’ll be safe?

**stan:** i promise

**mike:** if i don’t hear from you in an hour i’m coming down there

**stan:** we’ll be okay baby

**stan, bev and eddie**

_21:30_

**bev:** did it work?

_stan shakes his head, eddie mutters a curse_

**eddie:** so we have to try sneak in, we’re fucked

**stan:** it’s dark, we’re wearing dark clothes, we won’t draw too much attention to ourselves

**bev:** okay, i’ll go park by their neighbours

**stan:** as long as we can get richie out of that shithole

_bev starts the car_

_21:40_

[the trio stop so they can’t be seen from the toziers’ window. eddie peeks through the window into the living room. nobody is there.]

**eddie:** okay, living room’s clear, they must be in their bedroom

**bev:** i’ll go to richie’s room, keep watch here in case they come downstairs

_stan nods_

**eddie:** be careful, bev

**bev:** i will

[bev rounds the corner, looking up to see the lights on in both richie and his parents’ room. she looks into richie’s room.]

[richie is sitting on his bed, blood running down his face, bruises and cuts on his arms and body.]

[bev winces, her heart hurting. she taps on the window, startling richie. she gestures to him to climb out the window. richie nods and opens the window.]

**bev **_relieved, but not completely relaxed_**: **come on, stan and eddie are out front

_as richie starts to climb out, someone grabs his arm. maggie. stan and eddie round the corner frantically_

**stan:** shit

[richie struggles to get out of his mother’s grip. bev grabs ahold of his hand, trying to get close enough to reach his torso. eddie and stan rush forwards to help.]

**maggie:** went! his fucking fag friends are trying to take him! 

[footsteps echo in the house. wentworth is coming downstairs.] 

[panic sets in.]

[bev slams a rock onto maggie’s hand to break her grip. she yells, screaming for her husband.]

[stan and eddie pull richie out of the window before slamming it shut.] 

**eddie **_whispered:_ you’re safe now baby

_he pulls richie into a hug, causing him to grunt in pain_

shit, sorry

[bev looks back up to the window, where she sees wentworth standing in richie’s room. for a splitsecond, they make eye contact. she turns back quickly to her friends]

**bev**_ panic seeping into her voice_**:** we need to go. they’re gonna try to follow us

[bev breaks into a run so that she can start the car and bring it closer. eddie and stan support richie.]

[as they get to the car, wentworth can be heard shouting from a distance.]

**my lil chickadee <3 -> my sun and moon <33**

_21:47_

**stan: **we’re safe, on our way to bev’s

**mike:** thank god

**stan:** maggie came down as rich was getting out

bev slammed her hand with a rock, it was pretty badass

we barely got out before wentworth got outside

**mike: **damn

bev is so cool

is rich okay?

**stan:** there’s a deep cut on his forehead and he’s got bruises and small cuts all over him

it’s bad

**mike:** fuck

do you need me to come?

**stan:** no, i think we’ve got it handled

eddie says he knows how to do the stitches because of sonia

but he’s really shaken up

**mike:** ok

i’ll drop by tomorrow

**stan:** i think rich’ll need the company, yeah

**mike:** good night love

i’m so glad you four are safe

**stan:** night <3

**stan, bev, richie and eddie**

_22:10_

[bev’s house.]

[stan is rustling through his bag for his medical supplies. eddie and richie are sitting on the bed, richie leans on eddie, who is whispering comfort to him and lightly holding his hand.]

[bev returns to the room with a change of clothes and some blankets. she kneels down in front of richie and takes off his glasses, which are broken.]

**bev **_gently_: can you tell us what happened?

**richie**_ hoarsely_**:** …my parents aren’t home that often. usually i go find a motel room when they’re home, but i didn’t know they’d be back today. my dad was drunk off his ass, angry about something that happened while they were gone. he umm…he had a bottle and- _he falters_

_eddie lets out a shaky breath, holding onto richie’s hand tighter_

[stan sits down on the bed with the medical supplies. he wipes the blood off of richie’s face and picks up an alcohol swab. richie whimpers, cursing as he cleans the wound.]

**stan:** you don’t have to tell us if it’s too painful to right now

_bev nods in agreement, holding richie’s other hand_

**bev:** eddie do you think you can do the stitches?

_eddie shakes his head_

that’s ok, i’ll do them, but i need you to walk me through it.

**eddie** _shakily_: you- you need the needle and thread, those scissors and the tweezers

[while eddie explains the steps to bev, stan focuses on cleaning and treating the rest of richie’s injuries.]

** _eddie_ ** _ created the chat _ ** _richie tozier needs love_ **

** _eddie_ ** _ added _ ** _bill, ben, mike, _ ** _and_ ** _ aisha_ **

_22:56_

**eddie: **[voice message, 30 seconds]

hey guys, i’m sorry if you've been worried. richie’s parents they… they hurt him. it was bad.

i don’t know the full story right now but god it makes my fucking blood _boil_

_he pauses_

he’s okay now, me stan and bev are with him

it’d be nice if you guys came by tomorrow, to our house

_end of voice message_

**bill:** holy shit

i’m glad he’s ok

**ben:** what the FUCK?

i knew we all had shitty parents but what the fuck

**bill:** how did you guys manage to get in the house?

**eddie:** bev snuck around to his room and got him out of the window

**bill:** and they didn’t see you?

**eddie:** maggie came as he was trying to get out 

**ben:** oh fuck

**eddie:** bev managed to get her off of him, i swear she might have broken her hand

**aisha:** that’s my girlfriend babey!

**eddie:** hell yeah it is

yeah, we barely got out in time before wentworth came down, bev had to fast and furious our asses out of there

**bill:** holy shit

that’s insane

**mike: **we’ll come by around 10 okay?

**eddie:** sounds good mikey

**aisha:** god poor richie

i love that funky dude

**eddie:** god me too

**mike:** _IF YOU’RE MAGGIE OR WENTWORTH TOZIER _**_FUCK YOU_**

**bill:** rt

**ben:** yeah FUCK you

**aisha:** fuck the toziers! richie is our son now

**eddie:** i love my bf :(

**bill:** [lookatme.jpg]

**mike:** that’s it that’s the mood

_23:48_

_incoming video call from _ ** _ghostbuster_ ** _ to _ ** _ryan bergara_ **

**bill:** hey! you guys doing better?

**eddie:** for the most part

**bill:** that’s good

richie’s messages on the group chat really scared me

i’m glad you’re okay now though

**eddie:** yeah.

tonight was rough

**bill:** where are the others?

_eddie shows stan and bev asleep and rolls over to put his phone in front of richie_

**eddie:** it’s bill

**richie:** hey bean boy

_eddie kisses richie on the cheek several times, richie’s nose scrunches up_

_ bill laughs _

**bill: **i’m really sorry i couldn’t be there today, got stuck at home with this asshole

_georgie pops up next to bill, beaming_

**georgie:** richie! eddie!

_seeing georgie on the screen has already made richie feel better_

**richie: **hey bud

**georgie **_pouting_**:** you haven’t come over in a while

**richie: **i’ll come over soon, i promise

**georgie:** good!

**bill:** me and the others were planning on coming over tomorrow, is that good with you?

**richie:** of course

**bill:** hell fuckin yeah

**georgie:** can i come billy?

**bill:** i think mom wanted to take you to the city tomorrow bud, i’m sorry

_georgie pouts_

**richie:** we’ll come to you next time george

_he smiles as georgie squeaks joyfully_

_eddie laughs before realising something_

**eddie:** can you ask your mom to bake us cookies? they’re the fucking best

**bill:** bold of you to assume i wasn’t going to ask her anyway

**eddie:** HELL yeah

_richie yawns and puts his head on eddie’s shoulder_

_eddie puts an arm around him and kisses him on the top of the head_

**bill:** it’s been a long night

you guys should get some rest

**eddie:** yeah good call

night bill

**bill:** night you two, i’m so happy you’re safe

**richie **_mumbling_: g’night bill

_call ended_  


_2 weeks later_

**love of my life <333 -> chee <3**

_17:43_

**eddie:** are you sure you can’t just stay with me and bev when your p*rents are here?

**richie:** i don’t want to put any more stress on angie

**eddie:** rich

you know she doesn’t mind letting you stay

she’d rather you stay with her where she can look after you rather than some sketchy motel

**richie:** i know

but that’s one more person under her roof and i know her job isn’t the highest paying

**eddie:** :(

can you promise me you’ll at least stay with one of the others?

**richie:** yeah

**eddie:** good

you’ll stay with me for the rest of the weekend though, right?

**richie:** wow eds didn’t think you were the needy one

**eddie:** shut up

seeing you like that really scared me, ok?

**richie:** i know, i’m sorry

**eddie:** it’s not your fault baby

i’ll be back in 20 minutes from the supermarket

do you need anything?

**richie:** ugh wow my boyfriend is so responsible 

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

can you get me a twix?

**eddie:** of course

**richie:** :)

**eddie:** anything else?

**richie:** hmm maybe a peach tea

**eddie:** alright baby

see you soon, i love you :)

**richie:** love you too

**richie tozier needs love**

_17:54_

** _eddie _ ** _added _ ** _bev_ ** _ and _ ** _stan_ **

**eddie:** richie doesn’t want to stay with me and bev every time his p*rents are home

doesn’t want to stress angie out

can we set up some sort of schedule?

**bev:** i still don’t get why he thinks that but yeah

**bill:** he can stay at mine whenever

**ben:** i have a spare mattress he can use

**aisha:** there is always room for richard tozier in my household

**mike:** it’s a bit of a drive but the farm has a spare room

**stan:** i think he can only stay at mine if my parents are out

they think he’s a bad influence smh mom i’m already gay

**eddie:** wow andrea

so everyone has a spare mattress?

**mike: **because we're all richie’s #1 fans

**bev:** yeah.

**eddie:** i love you guys

**mike:** <3

**bev:** oooo you know what

when his p*rents aren't here we should all stay at his house for a night

because i bet it gets lonely in that big ass house by himself

**bill:** HELL YEAHHHH

**ben:** we should leave it trashed just to say fuck you to maggie and went

**mike:** yeah.

**stan:** i wanna write fuck you wentworth somewhere in the house

**eddie:** i am SO down

**aisha:** when are they gone next?

**bev: **i think richie said next saturday?

**stan:** _MOVIE NIGHT BABEY!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was one of my favourites to write because it was the first time i'd messed around with writing in real time so i hope you guys enjoyed it :)


	14. 4 months

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stan: OH?  
is your favour perhaps…  
gay?

**aisha ->** **stan**

_ 13:25 _

**aisha:** stanley.

**stan:** hello?

**aisha:** i have a favour to ask you

**stan:** oh?

okay both of those texts sound threatening

what’s up

**aisha:** it’s april 28th

which means…it’s been 4 months

**stan:** OH?

is your favour perhaps…

gay?

**aisha:** maybe so!

i don’t know what to do for bev stan you gotta help me

**stan:** why ask me though 🤔

**aisha:** eddie and richie are too dumb and chaotic to give me actual advice

**stan:** okay yeah.

**aisha:** you are wise.

and you know bev really well

**stan:** thank you, young baby gay.

i have a brain cell dedicated to beverly marsh you’re right

**aisha:** what did you and mike do for your anniversary

**stan:** oh it was Gay

i love my boyfriend so much 🥰

**aisha:** stan…are you being…soft

**stan:** we’re talking about relationships i’m allowed

speak a word of that to the others and i’m gonna call the police

**aisha:** i promise to keep soft stan between us

**stan:** good.

anyways, mike cooked us dinner and we fell asleep c*ddling on couch before he dragged me to a midnight screening of love simon

it was very gay culture of us

**aisha:** ugh you guys are so cute

**stan:** we been knew

**aisha:** siri how do i become as soft as mike hanlon

**stan:** i love him

but bev wouldn’t like something really extravagant

i think she’d lose her mind over something as small as a playlist

buy her flowers, play her music and get something nice to eat

**aisha:** stanley uris you are the wisest man alive

**stan:** i love beverly marsh thank you for coming to my ted talk

**aisha:** thank you it was a very informative ted talk

**stan:** ugh my mind

**aisha:** oh wait

what type of flowers

**stan:** oh oof

you might need to ask ben

**aisha:** wOw stan

**stan:** okay listen…they dated when we were 14

and 14 year old ben was such a romantic

**aisha:** i love ben

**stan:** god me too

**aisha -> ben**

_ 13:40 _

**aisha:** benjamin.

i need your wisdom

**ben:** oooooo what is it

**aisha:** stan was helping me with ideas for something to do for bev for our 4 month

but his bitchass doesn’t know what her favourite flowers are

**ben:** wow

stan’s a fake beverly marsh fan smh

she loves carnations and lilies

**aisha:** thank you for my life sir

**ben:** no aisha…thank you

for making my best girl happy

**aisha:** ben i love you

**ben:** :)

**bev and aisha**

_ 18:15 _

[derry park - the sun has just started to set.]

[bev turns around when she hears someone call her name. it’s aisha - and bev lets out a breath, taken aback by her girlfriend’s beauty.]

[aisha’s sitting on a picnic blanket she’d placed under a tree, wearing what is quite possibly the [cutest outfit](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/50/ed/40/50ed40212f966305e7575a2b1a6fafe8.jpg) bev has ever seen - a pink crop top and shorts paired with a flowery navy kimono.]

[she smiles brightly as bev walks towards her.]

**aisha:** baby!

_ she stands and pulls bev into a warm embrace. when they separate, bev stares at her girlfriend lovingly before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. _

**bev:** happy 4 months, love

_ aisha kisses her, smiling against her lips _

**aisha** _whispered_**:** happy 4 months

_ they sit down and bev pulls a bottle of champagne out of her bag _

**bev:** i  _ didn’t _ steal this, my aunt let me take it

**aisha:** oh i love your aunt

well just to one up you i made us dinner

**bev:** oooooooo what is it

**aisha: ** okay well my mom had to help because i’m actually kind of a bad cook but

_ she pulls a tupperware box out of her bag _

**bev:** ohhhhhhh hell yeah

[aisha opens the box: she and her mom made tacos. they open the champagne bottle, giggling when it pops. bev gets the two glasses she’d brought from home.]

**aisha:** oh my god

are those disney glasses?

**bev:** LISTEN, i couldn’t bring actual glasses because they’d break

_ aisha examines them, wheezing, and pours the champagne _

**aisha:** to us

_ they clink glasses _

[they eat their food and drink the champagne, talking and laughing.]

_ 19:00 _

**bev:** now it’s my turn to one up you

_ she opens a box to reveal heart-shaped cupcakes, frosted in pink white and orange _

**aisha: ** that’s so fucking gay

you frosted them with the lesbian flag oh my god

**bev:** me and eddie could destroy a baking competition

chopped? fucking call us

**aisha: ** i don’t doubt that

oH, i’m stupid

**bev:** what?

**aisha:** i almost forgot to give you these

_ she turns around and picks up a bouqet of flowers - carnations and lilies _

i don’t know how you didn’t notice them

**bev:** too busy looking at you i guess

_ aisha lightly shoves her _

**aisha:** lame

_ she holds out the bouquet and bev makes a fond noise when she sees the flowers _

**bev:** did you have to ask ben what my favourite flowers are?

**aisha:** i will neither confirm nor deny that

**bev:** oh my god! you had to ask him

**aisha** _looking away_**:** i miiiiiiiight have had to ask stan what to do for you too

**bev ** _ jokingly _ **:** aisha clements! not knowing your own girlfriend, how Could you???

**aisha:** shut uuuuuuuup

i didn’t want to do the wrong thing

_ bev turns aisha’s head back towards her _

**bev:** nothing you could’ve done would be the wrong thing

**aisha:** ugh you’re so sweet

[aisha pinches bev’s cheeks before leaning in to kiss her. they sit there, resting their foreheads together for a while before bev sits back.]

**bev:** i really wanna eat these now

**aisha:** okay i’m excited

_ they take a cupcake each, and aisha hums as she eats it _

fuck you weren’t lying

this is so good babe

**bev:** ugh i know

_ bev’s phone vibrates and she chuckles when she sees the message _

eddie just texted asking if you like the cupcakes

**aisha:** how the fuck

**bev:** i swear he’s psychic or something

_ aisha starts giggling and just seeing her laugh makes bev fall into a laughing fit _

_ 20:23 _

**bev:** okay, i have one last thing for you

**aisha:** me too

but you go first

**bev:** turn around

_ bev fishes something out of her bag as aisha shuffles around _

**aisha:** what is it?

oh is this when you actually reveal you’re a serial killer and murder me?

**bev** _deadpan:_ yes.

no, i’m kidding. here

_ she reaches around aisha’s neck to fasten a necklace _

_ when aisha reaches down to feel it she lets out a breathy laugh _

**aisha:** oh how troy bolton of you

_ she turns around _

…b for bev?

**bev:** no…b for bitches

_ aisha snorts _

**aisha:** you’re so fucking dumb

**bev:** what’s your thing then?

**aisha:** oh

_ she reaches into her pocket and pulls out her earphones _

stan said you’d like a playlist

_ bev’s eyes widen as aisha unlocks her phone _

**bev:** _babe, _ugh i’m gonna cry

_ aisha passes bev her phone _

[when bev reads the title of the playlist she lets out a quiet gasp and dramatically falls onto her back. aisha lays down next to her]

**aisha:** it’s true you know

you’re the girl of my dreams

**bev:** shut uP, i’m supposed to be the smooth one

**aisha:** oh well how the turn tables

_ bev rolls onto her side and kisses her girlfriend _

**bev:** i love you

**aisha:** i love you too

_ bev rolls onto her back again _

[they each place an earphone into their ears and aisha presses play. bev reaches for aisha’s hand and interlocks their fingers before bringing their hands to her lips.]

[as the music plays, they stare up at the stars.]

**woo loo woo queen! -> stanny baby**

_ 22:58 _

**bev:** stan i love you so much

aisha told me you helped her

the playlist she made me was so cute and ugh i love her

it was called for the girl of my dreams i’m gonna fucking die

**stan:** no i had no input whatsoever

**bev:** shut up

we all know ur soft stanny

**stan:** soft? who?

**bev:** where are you right now

**stan:** <strike>mike’s house</strike>

<strike>cuddling</strike>

OK BEV I GET IT

**bev:** bitch

you’re really sweet you know that?

**stan:** i’ve been told such things

i’m glad my advice helped

**bev:** you’re such a loser

i love you so much good night

**stan: ** night bevvie <3

**winter firegirl -> summer waterboy**

_ 23:12 _

**bev:** carnations and lilies?

**ben:** did i get it wrong?

**bev:** no

i’m just surprised you remembered

**ben:** you think i, ben hanscom, would Dare forget something about you, beverly marsh?

**bev:** you’re so lame i love you

**ben:** good date?

**bev:** the Best

she made me a fucking playlist ben!

**ben:** cute!!!

ok…but did she write you a poem

**bev:** dsjgndsjkgh i love you so much benny

**ben:** i love you more <333

**mikey mike and the funky bunch -> aisha clementine!**

_ 23:29 _

**mike:** so aisha

how was your date?

**aisha:** michael…

did your boyfriend rat me out

**mike:** maybe so

**aisha:** that bastard

**mike:** hey…i love him

**aisha:** we know

and it was sweet of him to help me out because i was on the verge of death

ANYWAYS

it was really good

**mike:** hell yeah

**aisha:** she got me a necklace with a b on it

real high school musical shit

**mike:** did you…say it…

**aisha:** if you mean b as in bev? yes i did

and her reply was “no, b as in bitches”

**mike:** how bev of her

**aisha:** i love her…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my facecast for aisha is @ hipchocolatechip on insta if yall are interested
> 
> liv was helping me edit this and we really share one brain cell because we thought of bev making lesbian flag cupcakes at the exact same time
> 
> also ahahaha i'm running out of content for this fic so if there's anything you guys want for future chapters let me know here or on my tumblr :) (aahelvede.tumblr.com)


	15. seventeenth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im lov eddie: you never said what you were gonna do for him  
the future mr kaspbrak: oh you’ll see ;)  
gay uncle: i hate that winky face  
the future mr kaspbrak: ;))  
eddie’s biggest stan: uh oh

**eddie kaspbrak adoration club**

_19:37_

**the future mr kaspbrak:** it’s eddie’s birthday tomorrow

**NEW MOM: **incredibly bold of you to assume i haven’t had that in my calendar since we met

**the future mr kaspbrak:** ok mood

**gay uncle:** are you gonna do something rich?

**the future mr kaspbrak:** of fucking course i am michael

**eddie’s biggest stan:** what’re you gonna do

**the future mr kaspbrak:** something Gay

**im lov eddie: **it better be fucking good richard

**big brother:** yeah Richard.

**the future mr kaspbrak:** why do you guys do this every time we’ve been dating for over a year

**NEW MOM:** because eddie kaspbrak is an angel that deserves to be treated as such

**gay uncle:** we love our boy!

**the future mr kaspbrak:** god ur right

did y’all know i love my boyfriend?

**big brother:** we know rich

**NEW MOM:** you say it everyday

**the future mr kaspbrak:** you’re god damn right i do

**im lov eddie:** you never said what you were gonna do for him

**the future mr kaspbrak:** oh you’ll see ;)

**gay uncle:** i hate that winky face

**the future mr kaspbrak:** ;))

**eddie’s biggest stan:** uh oh

**triccy diccy -> bevvie <3**

_20:08_

**richie:** ok i actually need help

**bev:** wow

**richie:** damn ok i’ll ask ben

**bev:** okAy what is it

**richie:** i’ve already planned everything for eddie’s birthday tomorrow

i just need your help

**bev:** hmmm interesting

**richie:** i’m gonna surprise serenade him tomorrow

**bev:** that’s gay

**richie:** yeah.

the song is **** ***** **** by ***** ******

**bev:** can i buy a letter

**richie:** t*** **t** t*** by ***** ******

**bev:** that……..doesnt help

**richie:** ti** a*t** ti** by c***i la****

**bev:** oh my god

PLEase tell me you caught him listening to it

**richie:** god it was so cute

i came over a couple months ago

you and angie must have been out so he was blasting it and lipsyncing into a hairbrush

he didn’t notice i’d come in for a good minute

and when he finally did he dropped the hairbrush and fell on his bed covering his face

ugh he’s so cute i love him

**bev:** i love my little brother

**richie:** anyways, i’m getting the band kids to play but there’s a harmony during the chorus

and you know how hard our voices slap together

**bev:** richard…are you asking me…to duet with you

**richie:** maybe so

**bev:** yes, a thousand times yes!

_00:00_

incoming call from **chee <3 **to **love of my life <333**

**e:** chee?

_ dancing queen blasts through the phone _

_eddie groans_

**r:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY I LOVE YOU

**e:** thank you and i love you but it’s midnight and you’re blasting music in my ear

**r** _offended:_edward kaspbrak! not just any music, _abba_

**e:** yes yes i’m the dancing queen

**r:** you’re my dancing queen, you’re just so young and sweet

**e:** i hate you.

**r:** oh really? because i seem to recall an i love you a minute ago

**e:** i take that one back

**r**_ smug:_ sure you do eddie spaghetti

_eddie huffs_

anyways, expect a nice lunch tomorrow my darling

**e:** that sounds so suspicious

**r:** it’ll be one to remember

**e:** i hate it already

**r:** wow

**e: **i’m kidding babe, i’m sure i’ll love it

and maybe cry

**r:** eddie kaspbrak showing an emotion other than annoyance? unheard of

**e:** you’re dumb

_whispered_i love you

**r:** i love you too!

i’ll see you tomorrow

**e:** see you chee

_call ended_

**the losers, eddie’s birthday**

_1:20_

[it’s lunch break, the losers are sitting at their usual table talking. richie isn’t there]

[the doors to the cafeteria swing open, causing the room to fall silent. several people with instruments enter. the group looks around, confused, apart from bev, who smirks to herself.]

[the band starts to play and the doors swing open once again. richie walks through the doorway holding a microphone in one hand. in the other he has at least 10 balloons. most of them are heart shaped but he also has two more: a 1 and a 7.]

[eddie’s eyes widen when he realises what the song is - time after time by cyndi lauper, one of his guilty pleasure songs.]

**eddie:** oh god

_ben and mike coo at eddie, who looks away, flustered, when richie winks at him_

_stan and aisha exchange a look, grinning excitedly_

_bill pulls out his phone, ready to record_

[when the first verse starts, richie whips his head to eddie, singing with big, overdramatic puppy dog eyes.]

_lying in my bed i hear the clock tick_

_and i think of you_

_caught up in circles_

_confusion is nothing new_

[the second synth comes in and eddie rolls his eyes when richie starts clicking along]

_flashback, warm nights_

_almost left behind_

_suitcases of memories_

_time after_

_sometimes you picture me_

_i'm walking too far ahead_

_you're calling to me, i can't hear_

_what you've said_

[richie makes his way towards the losers, jumping on other tables and dancing as he goes. the other students look on, surprised but enjoying it. the drum beat comes in and people start nodding their heads along.]

_then you say, go slow_

_i fall behind_

_the second hand unwinds_

[as richie glides through the pre-chorus, bev gets out of her seat]

**eddie:** you too?

**bev:** anything for our birthday boy

_she kisses his cheek and hops up onto a table, where richie tosses a microphone at her_

[bev and richie give their all into the chorus, swaying and dancing with each other, dramatically singing into the mics.]

_if you’re lost you can look and you will find me,_

_time after time_

_if you fall i will catch you i’ll be waiting,_

_time after time_

[richie offers a hand to eddie, who takes it. they dance, richie twirls and dips eddie then kisses him on the nose before sauntering away to start singing again.]

[eddie sits down, feeling breathless, and he swears he can feel his heart bursting wide open. stan and mike hug him tightly while ben, bill and aisha make affectionate noises at him.]

_after my picture fades and darkness has_

_turned to gray_

_watching through windows_

_you're wondering if I'm okay_

_secrets stolen from deep inside_

_the drum beats out of time_

[richie continues to sing, bev joining in again for the chorus.]

[as the music winds down he looks at eddie again, and a soft smile breaks across his face when he sees eddie wipe away a tear.]

_richie bows, soaking in the applause_

**richie**: i’m sure you’re all confused as to why i’ve come in with a shit ton of balloons and a wholeass band to sing a cyndi lauper song but today’s a _very_ special day

_he walks back towards the losers table, sitting in the middle of it. aisha and bill move their trays, rolling their eyes_

today is the love of my life, eddie kaspbrak’s seventeenth birthday

_eddie covers his face. richie laughs and leans forwards, pulling eddie’s hands away gently_

**eddie **_fondly_**:** you’re so embarassing 

**richie: **you love it though

happy birthday baby

_he presses a soft kiss to eddie’s forehead_

[richie shuffles forwards again on the tables until he’s sitting in eddie’s lap and he peppers kisses on eddie’s face. eddie pushes his face away, but richie keeps coming back.]

[eventually, eddie sighs and kisses him, whispering an ‘i love you’ against his lips before leaning in again, resulting in an ‘oooooooo’ from the other losers. he flips them off and leans his head on richie’s shoulder.]

[bev pats eddie’s cheek, and when he looks up he sees bill and ben holding flowers, and stan and mike with a cake. he wonders how they got that here without him noticing.]

**eddie:** you guys are so cute, thank you

_he smiles brightly at his friends, his heart swelling and eyes getting watery_

_//_

_may 17th_

**triangle boy… -> big bird**

_8:45_

**bill: **hey stanny

i just got to 1st period

**stan:** you’re dummy late bill

**bill:** and what about it

anywAys before i was so rudely interrupted

mike isn’t here yet and he’s usually here before me so i wanted to make sure he’s okay

**stan:** oh

i don’t think he’s coming in today

**bill:** is he sick?

**stan:** today’s the anniversary of his parents’ death

**bill:** oh shit

**stan:** yeah.

i think he wants to spend the day with his grandparents

**bill:** yeah that makes sense

you think there’s anything we can do?

**stan:** i’m not sure

i’m dropping by later but i’m not sure if he’ll want to be around a big group right now

**bill:** that’s alright

**stan:** i can bring him something from you guys if you want

**bill:** yeah

i’ll find something

**stan: **ok, have fun in history without him lmfao

**bill:** ugh fuck

it’s gonna be hell

i didn’t do my homework so i have to chat absolute bullshit about the french revolution

**stan:** tragic

**bill:** ugh mike i miss u

**my lil chickadee <3 -> my sun and moon <33**

_14:10_

**stan:** hey sweetheart

i hope you’re feeling okay

bill was asking where you were today

the others were worried too

i told them you weren’t coming in and they give their love

they wanna know if there’s anything they can do

i’ll come over around 5

i love you

_16:36_

_incoming call from _ ** _queen of my life _ ** _to _ ** _my beautiful boy michael_ **

**m:** hey bev

**b:** mike!!!

how are you doing?

**m:** i’ve had better days

**b:** yeah, i get that

how can i help?

**m:** i don’t know…can i just vent?

**b:** of course you can

**m:** god, i’ve gotten to a point where it’s been so long since they died that i’m starting to forget so many things about them

i can hardly remember their voices

there are little things i remember about them, like my mom’s favourite dress and the songs my dad would play on the piano but so many things are starting to feel hazy

**b:** yeah.

and i know it’s not exactly the same because my dad is a piece of shit but i understand what you’re going through, living without your parents

i’ve never told you about my mom, have i?

**m:** i don’t think you have

**b:** she got sick when i was about 5

i didn’t really understand what was happening, but i knew something was wrong because she had to go to the hospital so much

**m:** oh

shit bev, i’m sorry

**b:** it’s alright.

_they pause_

so, i understand, completely

i don’t remember much about her either.

**m:** it’s just…i know it’s not my fault for not remembering that much about them because i was so young when they died but it always makes me feel guilty

**b:** i guess that guilt is just something we have to learn to cope with

i think if it weren’t for photos i wouldn’t remember what my mom looked like

**m:** me neither

**b:** and the few good memories i had of my dad are gone because of…

well, you know.

**m:** yeah.

i’m so grateful for my grandparents but sometimes i think about how much different my life would be if my parents hadn’t died

**b:** me too

i’m not a big believer of the “everything happens for a reason” cliche but i think if my mom was still alive and my dad wasn’t a piece of shit i probably wouldn’t be living in derry

and i wouldn’t have met you and the others, or aisha

**m:** i’m so glad i met you, bev

**b:** i love you mike!

**m:** i love you too, so much

thanks for talking with me, it means a lot

**b:** call me anytime you need to talk

**m:** i will

_knocking comes from mike’s end_

i think stan’s here

i’ll see you tomorrow bevvie

**b:** thank god

bye mikey

_call ended_

**stan and mike**

_17:12_

[the hanlon house.]

_mike walks towards his front door, but stops when he hears his grandmother’s voice_

**shirley hanlon:** who is it michael?

**mike:** just stan, nana

**shirley **_fondly:_oh that stanley, he’s such a good boy

you better not lose that one

**mike:** i’ll try my best

_he grins and opens the door to see stan, who’s holding a box of chocolates and flowers_

**stan **_holding out the flowers_**:** these aren’t for you

_mike laughs and takes them before pulling stan into a hug_

**mike:** thanks for coming over baby

**stan:** i didn’t want you to be alone today

_he steps back_

but seriously, the flowers are for your grandparents

**mike** _smirking_**:** but the chocolates are mine?

**stan:** your favourite

_stan grins and leans his arms on mike’s shoulders, drawing him in for a kiss_

[they walk into the house, fingers loosely intertwined. stan greets mike’s grandparents and gives them the flowers. they accept them, smiling.]

**leroy hanlon:** thank you, stanley

_they shake hands_

**shirley:** and thank you for being there for our michael

**stan:** any time, maam

[they enter mike’s bedroom and once the door shuts, stan tackles mike in a hug that pushes them onto the bed.]

[mike laughs as stan kisses all over his face. the kisses slow down, and stan lays his head on mike’s chest.]

_stan hums, drawing patterns on mike’s shirt_

**stan:** how was it today?

**mike:** not too bad actually

_he takes stan’s hand in his own, lining them up palm to palm, before threading his fingers through stan’s_

my grandparents and i had lunch and they told me stories about my parents when they were young - that was nice

and bev called before you got here. we talked about having lost parents and just, everything

it’s really nice having someone who completely understands it

_he pauses before turning on his side to face stan_

that’s not to say that you don’t get it, but it’s different with bev

**stan**_ softly:_i know, it’s okay

i’m glad you have bev to talk to about this

_stan moves forwards until their foreheads are touching. they stay like that, going in for the occasional kiss, until stan sits up and rummages around in his bag for something_

**mike:** what is it?

_stan pulls a frame out of his bag and hands it to mike, who stares at it for a second before looking up at stan again, his eyes starting to water_

**stan:** bill asked around, trying to find anyone that knew your parents back in the day

he found this picture and knew you’d love to have it

**mike:** oh baby, that’s so sweet

_stan smiles_

[mike looks at the picture again, tracing his fingers along his parents’ features.]

_19:48_

**mike:** are you gonna stay over?

**stan: **yeah if you-

**mike:** yes, i have spare clothes for you to steal and never give back

**stan **_teasing_**:** wow, me, stanley uris? stealing your clothes? i would never!

**mike:** you’re dumb

_he gets up and digs out a sweater and shorts and throws them at stan_

**stan **_holding up the shorts:_are these…booty shorts

**mike:** perhaps

_stan notices something printed on the back of the shorts and doubles over, wheezing_

_he struggles to read it because every time he starts it devolves into laughter_

**stan**_ still giggling: _mike…are you nasty?

**mike:** i think richie got me those last year

**stan: **that’s a very richie present

**mike:** that dumbass

**stan **_standing up_: i’m gonna change

**mike:** you can just change in here you know, it’s not like i’ve never seen you change before

**stan:** yes but i want to be Dramatic

[stan goes in the bathroom. the room is silent.]

[ suddenly, stan slams the door open and mike snorts. he’s standing in a wide stance, still facing the bathroom so the text on the shorts is visible.] 

[he turns to reveal that he’s wearing a pair of mike’s sunglasses.]

[he stands against the doorframe and leans one leg back on it, before pushing down the glasses and winking at his boyfriend.] 

[stan starts dancing as if there’s music playing, tossing the sunglasses off too, and mike laughs, fondness flooding his heart. stan holds up his act for a bit longer before losing it and cackling, sinking into mike’s lap.]

_mike loops his arms around stan’s neck_

**stan:** enjoy the show?

**mike:** you’re such a drama queen

but…i love seeing you in my clothes

**stan:** they’re _very_ comfortable, so you can bet your ass i’ll be keeping this sweater

**mike:** but not the shorts?

**stan **_deadpan_: oh definitely the shorts

_they stare at each other, trying to keep a straight face, but they can’t._

**mike:** did i mention i’m really glad you’re here?

**stan:** maybe, but tell me again

_mike rolls his eyes, but says it anyway_

**mike:** i’m so so glad you’re here and i love you so much

just seeing you made my day so much better

**stan:** mike…that’s gay

_he shoves stan, but still leans in to kiss him_

**mike** _pouting_**:** you didn’t say it back

**stan:** i love you i love you i love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the mood for this chapter was me telling liv i was gonna have mike's parents' death be on the 17th in order for the two sections to work together a la the charlie day pepe silvia scene
> 
> also did i base the entire first section on this one gif of jack at the end of shazam? maybe so.


	16. yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stan: i’ll keep you in my prayers  
eddie: i Will kill god.  
stan: damn ok

**wheezy little brother -> stanny birb**

_19:56_

**eddie:** staniel

what did i miss in bio today

richie made me skip

stan

stanny

bastard

fucking

answer

me

**disaster gay 2 -> flower boy**

_20:00_

**eddie:** michael

is stan with you

**mike:** maybe so

**eddie:** absolute bastard

won’t reply to my texts

**mike:** he’s in the shower

**eddie:** i hate gay people so much it’s unreal

**mike:** love you eds

**edward throwthesehands -> aishaaaaaa**

_20:05_

**eddie:** aisha i need help i’m dying

**aisha:** what’s up

**eddie:** richie made me skip bio today and stan is a bastard who won’t reply to my texts

did i miss anything

**aisha:** hooooly shit eddie

you couldn’t have chosen a worse day to skip

**eddie:** god fucking damn it

**aisha:** you need to read through chapter 3 of the textbook and make notes

also by friday you need to make a report for the case study in that chapter

**eddie:** i am going to End my life

_22:30_

_incoming video call from _ ** _edgar allben poe_ ** _ to _ ** _receipt king_ **

[mike is laying in bed, ben is walking up his stairs]

**b:** mike!

**m:** what’s up benny

_ben sits down at his desk, squinting at his phone_

**b:** wait what the fuck

are you with stan?

oh my god i interrupted you guys fucking didn’t i

_stan snorts_

**m: **oh stan baby i didn’t realise we were having sex?

_mike moves so ben can see stan, who’s reading a book_

**stan **_looking up**:**_ me neither

hey benny

**m:** we were just hanging out, you know, guys bein dudes

**b:** it’s a school night

you guys are so gay

_stan kisses mike’s cheek and moves to rest his head on mike’s chest as he continues to read_

gross. OK ANYWAYS, i need help with the history homework

**m:** what specifically?

**b:** …question 1

_they sit in silence for a couple seconds_

_mike and stan burst out into laughter_

OKAY….IT’S HARD

**s:** god i’m so glad i don’t take history

**b:** fuck you stanley

**m:** look at the sources ms. walker gave us

_ben sets his phone down against his wall and rustles around in his bag_

_he stares at the sheet of paper in front of him_

**b:** oh…it’s really easy

**m:** yeah benny

_ben writes something down_

**b:** okay, what about questio-

_a loud bang sounds from mike’s end_

**m:** what the fuck

_he looks outside his window beyond his phone_

oh my god

**b:** what is it?

_mike picks up his phone and swaps the camera_

**s:** i can’t fucking believe this

_bev and richie are outside, richie is trying to ride one of the cows as bev films it_

**b:** is that…bev and richie?

**m:** yeah

_mike opens his window to hear old town road playing, and bev and richie badly singing along to it_

**s:** i’m…so confused

**mike** _to bev and richie:_guys what the fuck!

_richie falls off of the cow, landing in the mud_

_bev doubles over with laughter_

**s:** are they…drunk?

**b:** it’s a school night what the fuck

_mike swaps the camera back to him and stan, staring at ben confused_

_they walk outside_

**mike **_to bev and richie_**:** do i even wanna know

**richie:** staniel urine! are you not wearing pants?

**s:** richard you are covered in mud.

**r:** scandalous stanny!

**s:** shut up

**bev:** before you kick us out…please understand that we are both high out of our minds right now

**b:** you guys are so fucking dumb

**bev:** ben is that you!

_mike hands the phone to bev_

**b:** on a scale of 1-10, how stoned are you right now

**bev:** uhhfuckin uhh 1

**b:** sure

_mike takes back his phone_

**m:** okay, _now_ can i ask why you and richie are high in my backyard at 10pm on a school night

**bev:** you could, but i wouldn’t be able to give you a good answer

**r:** YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’M GONNA TAKE MY HORSE

_stan covers richie’s mouth_

**b:** i’ve never been more confused in my entire life

**s:** what i’m gathering from all this is that bev and richie wanted to make a cover of old town road

**m:** and…they decided the best time and place to do it was here…at 10…on a school night

_richie pushes stan’s hand away from his mouth_

**r:** we wanted the realism of a farm for our video

**bev:** richie enabled me

**b:** you guys are so dumb

**stan **_to ben and mike:_ how does it feel having the only brain cells in this group

**b:** pretty great

**m:** i think i have both of them because ben couldn’t even do the first question of our homework

**b:** WOW MIKE

speaking of i should get to that

**s:** you probably should

**mike **_to bev and richie:_ do you two dumbasses wanna stay over

_bev is already walking inside_

i’m assuming that’s a yes

_richie follows bev_

**s:** so i guess we’re having a slumber party

_stan and mike go back inside_

**b:** i’m gonna go and be productive so have fun sobering those dummys up

**m:** good night benny

**b:** night you two

_call ended_

**stanny birb -> wheezy little brother**

_23:04_

**stan:** your boyfriend is the dumbest person alive

**eddie:** you’re right but explain

**stan:** he and bev showed up at mike’s house half an hour ago stoned out of their minds singing old town road

**eddie:** seems about right

**stan:** [yeaaaaaaaaah.vid]

_a video of bev and richie in mike’s room singing old town road (badly)_

**eddie:** jesus christ

also you gayass at mike’s house on a school night

**stan:** shut UP

also lmfao sorry for not replying before

**eddie:** i fucking hate you

**stan:** ahahaaaaa you have so much to do

**eddie:** i only just started

**stan:** i’ll keep you in my prayers

**eddie:** i Will kill god.

**stan:** damn

**love of my life <333 -> chee <3**

_23:09_

**eddie: **you’re dumb as fuck

**richie:** we know but heyyyyyy

**eddie: **anyways that’s it i’m gonna go do my stupid fucking bio work

that i have to do now because you made me skip

**richie:** ahaha

but was it not a good ass lunch with a cute ass boy

**eddie:** ok…ur right

**richie:** wow eds you called me cute  😳

**eddie:** maybe you are

**richie:** WOW

my night’s been made

**eddie:** but just another reminder

you’re dumb

**richie:** that’s not very nice :(

**eddie:** i love you

**richie:** :)

**eddie:** but i might not in an hour when i’m still not done with my fucking work

**richie:** :(

**beverlesbian -> MASSIVE slut**

_23:21_

**bev:** bill……………………………….

**bill:** bev………….

what’s up

**bev:** i’m…

gonna take my horse to the old town road

mike’s house is the old town road

**bill:** i…ok

do i wanna know the context?

**bev:** i’m gonna RIIIIIIIDE till i can’t no more

**bill:** please sir

shut ur fuckin mouth it’s 11:30

**bev:** :( hey billini don’t u be a meanie

**bill:** shit u got me there

**bev:** what i wanted to say was

i luv u :)

**bill:** lame

(luv u)

**edward throwthesehands -> aishaaaaaa**

_00:13_

**eddie:** i……….am dying

**aisha:** god speed

**eddie:** all of a sudden i can’t fucking read

**aisha:** jared, 19, never fucking learned how to read

what page are you on

**eddie:** 82

**aisha:** that’s…that’s the 2nd page we’re meant to do

out of 15

**eddie:** i am aware

i’m gonna go down an espresso shot

**aisha:** good luck you brave man

_1:27_

**eddie: **i am on my 4th shot of espresso and i can see god.

**aisha:** jesus christ

**eddie:** ok i know i’m a cl*wn but why are you still awake

**aisha:** bold of you to assume i have a functional sleep schedule

**eddie:** ok mood

**aisha:** progress report sir?

**eddie:** i’m on page 86 now

**aisha:** that’s decent

but it’s also 1am

**eddie:** i’m losigng sanity?

**aisha:** felt that

**eddie:** i blame richard tozier for everything

bastard man

**aisha:** dumb fuck

**eddie:** but also like…………..we got lunch and it was really nice

**aisha:** edward kaspbrak that’s awfully gay of you

**eddie:** i’m so far gone

like for richie and also just in general

**aisha:** STEP BACK I THINK I’M GONNA VOMIT

**eddie:** _hey profffessrororr_

**aisha:** do you not know how to spell professor

**eddie:** proffessor

**aisha:** n-no

**eddie:** shut up i’m dying here

**aisha:** AYE I’M DYIN ‘ERE

**love of my life <333 -> chee <3**

_2:56_

**eddie:** [voice message, 12 minutes 4 seconds]

_ so tired you can hear it_i haaaaaaate youuuuuu

but i love youuuuuuu

i’m never gonna finish this fucking work

i’m like that motherfucker uhhhhhhhhh

hickory

no

icarus

flying too close to the sun

i’m gonna throw hands with the sun…bright ass bitch

_there’s silence for at least 10 minutes, he must have fallen asleep_

_ delirious_richieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i love youuuuuuuuuu

you’re so sweet to me all the time and it makes my heart BURST

high cholesterol has nothin on you babe

_he breaks out into laughter_

i’m losing it have fun listening to this

love you

cholesterol boy

_7:10_

**richie: **SDKGSDMKLGDSJKLG

this is the funniest thing i’ve ever heard what the fuck

i love you so so much hickory

but i can’t believe you just called me cholesterol

**aishaaaaaa -> edward throwthesehands**

_10:01_

**aisha:** ok i’m assuming you slept through 1st period but bio starts in like half an hour

**eddie:** AAAGAHAGHAGHHH FUCK

**aisha:** mood

**eddie:** my alarm is bev and richie shouting vibe check at 1000000 decibels i just fell off my bed

**aisha:** did you get it done?

**eddie:** that’s…………….a question

**aisha:** i’m assuming no?

**eddie:** holy shit

i finished it

**aisha:** EDDIE HOLY SHIT

**eddie:** the notes are probably absolute shit but at least they’re done

**aisha:** are you coming in?

**eddie:** hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

do you think one of the others could drive to my house and back fast enough

**aisha:** who out of our friends has a drivers license and also a death wish

**eddie:** ah.

_10:07_

_incoming call from _ ** _young beever_ ** _ to _ ** _beever_ **

**b:** eddie?

**e:** are you in class

**b:** me and richie are smoking in the bathroom why

**richie** _in the background:_is that eds?

_muffled noises sound as richie attempts to take bev’s phone_

hi babe how’d you sleep

**e:** shut up richard

**b:** what do you need?

**e:** can you drive me to school

**b:** are you…not here???

**r:** stupid fucker slept in because he stayed up till 4 doing bio

**e:** I ONLY MISSED IT BECAUSE OF YOU ASSHOLE

**r:** oh my bev he sent me the funniest voice message i’ll play it for you

**b:** oh _please_ do

**e:** GUYS

can you drive me or not 

**b:** yeah of course

we’ll be there in 5 minutes

**r:** bev you guys live 15 minutes away

**b:** bold of you to assume i would drive that slow

**e:** oh god

**r:** we…aren’t gonna survive

**b:** shut up richard

our dearest edward needs to get to class

**e:** thank you ma’am

**b:** ok we’re gonna baby driver this bitch come on rich

**r:** well mark me down as scared AND horny

**b:** if you and eddie are gay in my car i’ll crash it

**r:** guess you aren’t getting to bio eds

**e:** SHUT UPPPPP

_call ended_

_10:23_

_incoming video call from _ ** _aishaaaaaa _ ** _to _ ** _edward throwthesehands_ **

[aisha is sitting in the library - she has study hall // eddie is in the backseat of bev’s car, looking very stressed]

**e:** we’re gonna fucking DIE

**a:** i’m assuming that’s bev’s car?

_to bev _try not to kill him babe

**b:** are we baby drivers or are we cowards in this car

_bev swerves to the right as if she were in a fast and furious movie_

**a:** i got whiplash just seeing that

**e:** bev i hate you so much

**richie:** i really could’ve just stayed at school

**a:** why’d you go with them then rich?

**r:** because i’m such a good boyfriend

**e:** richard if you vomit on me i’m actually gonna jump out of the car

**b:** oh you BETTER NOT

**a:** i’m getting second hand stress

**b:** the strong must drive the sweet

**r:** ok i think-

_he gags_

**e:** RICHIE

**r:** i’m fine

_he opens a window_

**b:** we’re literally pulling into the parking lot right now if you throw up i’m gonna run you over

_bev parks the car, richie stumbles out_

**a:** you guys are actually early

**b:** always trust the baby driver

_in the distance, aisha hears richie throw up_

**e: **CHRIST RICHIE

**a:** oh my god i’m hanging up

**b:** aisha i’ll meet you in the library!

_she walks into the building, aisha smiles_

**e:** gross

**a:** fuck you edward

_eddie walks towards where richie’s standing_

**e:** you okay?

**a:** you’re gay eddie

**e:** shut up

i'll see you when i'm done helping this dumbass

_call ended_

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_11:48_

**richward:** _ [forwarded voice message, 12 minutes and 4 seconds]_

**bevsha:** HICKORY

EDDIE HOW THE FUCK DID YOU THINK ICARUS’ NAME WAS _HICKORY_

** richward: ** i'm making it my ringtone

**billjamin:** holy shit

tag urself i’m the 10 minutes of silence

**mikeley:** really felt that one

**beniam:** how much caffeine was he on when he sent that

**richward:** oh at least 6 shots of espresso

**beniam:** my god

**edchard:** RICHIE I HATE YOU SO MUCH

**aisherly:** oh eddie

you sweet boy

**stanchael:** THE CHOLESTEROL THING SDNGJSKD

**richward:** when he calls you cute names  😳

**mikeley:** stan why don’t you call me cholesterol

**stanchael:** i-

**aisherly:** [hickorythesoftbitch.jpg] (screenshot of the “i’m so far gone” convo)

**edchard:** _AISHA_

**mikeley:** she’s truly learnt our ways

**richward:** aw babyyyy

**edchard:** you’re dead to me richard.

**richward:** that’s not what 2am eddie was saying >:(

**edchard:** 2am eddie is a stupid bitch

**stanchael:** but eddie…he makes your heart burst

**edchard:** i wish my heart would stop

**billjamin:** i can confirm that eddie’s sitting in his lap rn

**edchard:** BILL

**bevsha:** comrade bill

**billjamin:** [idiot.jpg] (picture of eddie and richie on the couch in the maths classroom)

**edchard:** bill you bastard

**billjamin:** i must report the truth, hickory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't updated in so long i'm sorry lmao  
i've just gone on half term break so i have a bit more time to write this yeehaw


	17. the losers take a 10 second pause to absorb a thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sharkbi: i’ve never seen an episode of riverdale and i think that’s very sexy of me  
chickadee: but ben…that means  
lavagay: you haven’t known the triumphs and defeats  
chickadee: the epic highs and lows of high school football

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is SO niche and is essentially just me projecting my stupid thoughts onto the losers so i'm sorry to anyone who won't understand it  
the incoherence jumped out

𝒀𝑶𝑼'𝑹𝑬 𝑻𝑶𝑿𝑰𝑪 𝑰'𝑴 𝑺𝑳𝑰𝑷𝑷𝑰𝑵 𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹

_19:37_

**danny phantom:** you guys ever think about how glee was like…a real show that aired

like that shit won _emmys_

**sharkbi:** yeah.

**soft michaelangelo: **i can’t believe we were blessed enough to live through the Glee Era™

no show can top glee in pure dumbass chaotic energy

**danny phantom:** riverdale tries but it’ll never be as wild as glee

**sharkbi:** i’ve never seen an episode of riverdale and i think that’s very sexy of me

**chickadee:** but ben…that means

**lavagay:** you haven’t known the triumphs and defeats

**chickadee:** the epic highs and lows of high school football

**danny phantom:** jesus fucking christ

**bunsolved:** i dropped out in the 4th grade to run drugs to support my nana

**sharkbi:** i…what

**danny phantom:** there is no way the riverdale writers aren’t on crack when they write this shit

**lavagay:** they definitely are and that’s the best part about it

**danny phantom:** oh to be a riverdale writer high on cocaine and making millions

**soft michaelangelo:** everything i know about that show is only because of stan quoting it at me

**chickadee:** and what about it michael.

**soft michaelangelo:** i would like to break up.

**chickadee:** but mike………………….we’re endgame

**soft michaelangelo:** sTop

**sharkbi:** i feel like i just did a bump of coke

**bunsolved:** who’s to say you didn’t

**sharkbi:** damn…

**danny phantom:** ok riverdale may have weird dialogue but do we all remember when rachel berry sent a girl to a crackhouse in season 2

**lavagay:** hOLY SHIT YEAH

**bunsolved:** this is exactly why riverdale can’t outdo glee

**(gay wheeze):** glee ruined us

i can’t listen to anything pre 2015 without thinking “oh yeah this was in glee”

**lavagay:** hot take: the warblers should’ve won over new directions in season 2 for sectionals

**bunsolved:** ur right

**danny phantom:** valerie FUCKS though

**lavagay:** maybe so

**sharkbi: **my man mike chang finally getting the spotlight he deserved

**chickadee:** you ever think about how mckinley named their glee club new directions and at every competition it was pronounced nude erections

**sharkbi:** that haunts me every day

**(gay wheeze):** every time i think about something stupid about glee i think i lose a year off my life

like how blaine went from being a senior to being a junior the next year after transferring to mckinley

his ass would’ve been like 20 when he graduated

i’m never gonna make it to my 20s

**danny phantom:** rest in peace eddie

**chickadee:** my condolences

**(gay wheeze):** when i die engrave i hate you ryan murphy into my tombstone

**lavagay:** will do chief

**soft michaelangelo: **no episode of television can ever compare to when glee had jonathan groff sing bohemian rhapsody as quinn gave birth

**chickadee:** fucking iconic

**danny phantom:** when they fucking timed her screams to the music…

**bunsolved: **poetic cinema

**lavagay:** QUINN FABRAY WAS A LESBIAN

my evidence? i’m gay and i said so

**bunsolved:** god ur so right

**chickadee:** valid glee covers: smooth criminal

that’s it

**lavagay:** tell me why a gay guy and a lesbian had more chemistry than anyone in the show

**(gay wheeze):** sheer bde

**sharkbi:** ur right

**danny phantom:** okay but consider: anything the warblers sang before season 4

**chickadee:** shit you right

**lavagay:** misery….that fucks

**(gay wheeze):** OH YEAH BAP BAP OOOoooOOOoooOOOooo

**soft michaelangelo:** blaine was SO boring but every song he sang slapped

**bunsolved:** season 4 onwards has NO RIGHTS

**chickadee:** god yeah

**soft michaelangelo:** [trash.jpg]

**sharkbi:** we been knew!!

**chickadee: **there’s been so many times where i’m with eddie and he just looks up and goes

"god i fucking hate glee"

and then talks for 10 minutes about some stupid plotline

**(gay wheeze): **AM I WRONG STAN

**lavagay:** incredibly valid of him

**bunsolved:** ok if we’re gonna talk about glee covers that slap HOW could we leave out rumour has it/someone like you

**lavagay:** OH GOD OH FUCK UR RIGHT

**soft michaelangelo:** iconic of santana to slap the shit out of finn for outing her

**(gay wheeze):** hetero bitch

**sharkbi:** it slaps but like…it also _slaps_

**danny phantom:** guys………………..you’re all minorities

**chickadee:** YOU’RE IN THE GLEE CLUB

**soft michaelangelo:** i feel like i just got shot straight through the head

twice

**(gay wheeze):** watching glee is like getting shot everytime they speak

**lavagay:** that line still GETS ME

i can’t BELIEVE that’s a real quote

**chickadee:** the glee club deserved to be oppressed

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_3:59_

**richward:** guys…did you know…

summer nights and what makes you beautiful have the same intro line

[voice message, 40 seconds: richie playing a [youtube video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzdqvnNGxcs) of the intros back to back and quietly wheezing in the background]

ok good night i’m losing my mind

_11:30_

**beniam:** HOLY FUCK

**bevsha:** 4am richie strikes again

**billjamin:** what are we supposed to do with that information

**aisherly:** oh 4am richie how i love you

**edchard:** richie called me when he woke up just singing what makes you beautiful with random lines from summer nights thrown in and then fell asleep again

i’ve never wanted to be single more in my life

**beniam:** WOW eddie

not stanning 1d? in the year of our lord 2019?

electric…and i CANNOT stress this enough…chair

**edchard:** shut the fuck up ben

**beniam:** no

fuck you edward

**bevsha:** i…

richie and ben play 1d around me so much that…i think…i’m becoming a stan

**stanchael:** BEV NO

**mikeley:** another one fallen…

**aisherly:** suddenly i’m single

**billjamin:** eddie  🤝 aisha

breaking up with their bf/gf over 1d

**edchard:** we’re valid

**bevsha:** but aisha………….i love you…………..

**aisherly:** some crimes cannot be forgiven

**people with Taste™**

_11:43_

**eddie:** good morning people with Taste how are we feeling today

oh wait.

** _eddie _ ** _removed _ ** _bev_ ** _ from the chat_

**bill:** oh my god

**mike:** it’s what she deserves

**aisha:** yeah.

**stan:** imagine not having taste

**beever -> young beever**

_11:46_

**bev:** WOW

**eddie:** it’s what you deserve

**bev:** bitchass

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_11:47_

**richward:** good morning i just saw my own text and lost my shit again

bev…welcome to the directioners

**bevsha:** i take it back i love my gf too much

**richward:** sm fucking h

**aisherly:** hmm…

i will let this one slip.

**bevsha:** <3

**mikeley:** the power of homosexuality…

**stanchael:** so is 1d stan conversion a thing now

**edchard: **i sure HOPE it is

**richward:** why are you guys directiophobic

**stanchael:** we have Taste.

**bevsha:** [ihateyoueddie.jpg] (a screenshot of the people with taste™ chat: at the bottom it says _“you are no longer a participant in this group”_)

**edchard:** it’s what you deserved!

**billjamin:** biggest power move of the century

**edchard:** thank u billiam

**beniam:** guess it’s still just you and me rich

**richward: **love you ben

**beniam:** nobody can drag us down

**richward:** NOBODY NOBODY

**stanchael:** jesus christ

**edchard:** richard…

**richward:** yes, love?

**edchard:** die.

**richward:** i can’t die

i’m too powerful

**edchard:** smh

**stanchael:** okay not to side with ben and richie or anything but

**mikeley:** stan……………………….

**stanchael:** [that cover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM_FR7I2Ttw) of the chain that harry styles did? god tier iconic

**mikeley:** ok valid but you’re on thin fucking ice

**billjamin:** we’re losing them

**edchard:** oh god oh fuck

**richward:** stanley…i knew i trusted you for a reason

**stanchael:** this is only because fleetwood mac fucks

stevie nicks i love you mom

**beniam:** join us stan

**stanchael:** Never.

**beniam:** damn

okay yeah that cover fucks ur right

**bevsha:** AND IF YOU DON’T LOVE ME NOW

**stanchael:** YOU WILL NEVER LOVE ME AGAIN

**mikeley: **I CAN STILL HEAR YOU SAYING

**beniam:** YOU WOULD NEVER BREAK THE CHAIN

**stanchael:** i am so valid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again! as you can tell, i'm running out of ideas ahaha  
so if there's anything you guys want for future chapters, feel free to comment your ideas or send them my way at my tumblr (aahelvede.tumblr.com)


	18. amateur hour buzzfeed unsolved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> richward: WHO YOU GONNA CALL  
billjamin: don’t.  
richward: GHOSTFUCKERS  
bill wants to fuck a ghost  
billjamin: BEEP BEEP RICHIE

**big billy ;) -> shane madej**

_12:03_

**bill:** you know what we should do

**richie:** uhhhhhhhh

**bill:** it’s june, school’s out, we’re gays

**richie:** are you asking if i wanna fuck because you’re a bit late

**bill:** no you dipshit

i was gonna say we should go ghost hunting

**richie:** so you wanna fuck a ghost

i support you man love is love happy pride

**bill:** i hate you so much its unreal

i’ll get the others

**MASSIVE SLUT -> beverlesbian**

_12:12_

**bill:** as a fellow belieber

**bev:** as a fellow WHAT

**bill: **oh my god no

i meant believer

**bev:** that song slaps i love shrek 2

**bill:** i-

**bev:** what’s up billy

**bill: **ok so

it’s june, school’s out, we’re gays

**bev:** YEAH I WANNA GO GHOST HUNTING

**bill:** this is why i love you more than richie

**bev:** oh he definitely thought you wanted to fuck right

**bill:** yeah.

**bev:** fucking idiot

**bill:** colossal dumbass

**bev:** when are we doing it?

**bill: **tonight?

**bev:** hell fuckin yeah babey

**bill:** yeehonk

**bev:** yeeWHAT

**bill:** sorry

yeeh*nk

**bev:** thank you

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_14:37_

**richward:** WHO YOU GONNA CALL

**billjamin:** don’t.

**richward:** GHOSTFUCKERS

bill wants to fuck a ghost

**billjamin:** BEEP BEEP RICHIE

**aisherly:** you know what valid of him

**bevsha:** is this why you like the cold babe

**aisherly:** don’t you expose my kinks on main

**edchard:** wHat the fuck is going on

**beniam:** ghosts, a friend…

or maybe,

a lover

**aisherly:** absolutely

**bevsha:** does this mean i have to die in order for us to stay together

**aisherly:** maybe so

**bevsha:** ok which one of you is gonna kill me so i can get laid

**stanchael:** in normal circumstances i would

but now, definitely not

**billjamin:** suddenly i’m a raging homophobe

**edchard:** [whatthefuck!.jpg]

**richward:** this is absolutely not the direction i thought that was gonna go

**beniam:** but richie…there’s only one

**richward:** YOU’RE INSECU

**edchard:** NOT on my watch

**stanchael:** comrade eddie

**mikeley:** always fighting to keep us safe

**bevsha:** [thankubravesoldier.jpg] (picture of bev saluting)

**aisherly:** new lock screen

**bevsha:** :)

**billjamin:** i’m homophobic!

**bevsha:** bill do you hate women

**billjamin:** no only you xoxoxo

**bevsha:** >:(

**beniam:** eddie you coward give richie his phone back

**edchard:** absolutely not.

**beniam:** damn i tried

**mikeley:** his power…

**billjamin:** eddie i love you

**richward:** SUCK MY DIC K EDDIE

**stanchael:** god damn it he’s back

**beniam:** how’d you get your phone back rich

**richward:** i told him i’d [REDACTED] if he gave it back

**mikeley:** i really don’t want to know what you said

**edchard:** richard i will kill you

**richward:** ;)

**bevsha:** knowing richie it’s probably not even dirty

**billjamin:** probably said he wouldn’t cuddle him or some gay shit like that

**edchard:** i’m jumping out a window

**stanchael:** bill’s right isn’t he you soft bitch

**richward:** can confirm

**edchard:** god damn it richard

**aisherly:** haha softie

**edchard:** i’m gonna

** _edchard_ ** _ has left the chat_

**beniam:** oh my god the madman did it

**stanchael:** wait we’re allowed to leave?

**mikeley:** no-

** _stanchael_ ** _ has left the chat_

**bevsha:** jesus christ

**richward:** cowards

** _richward_ ** _ added _ ** _eddie_ ** _ and _ ** _stan_ ** _ to the chat_

** _mikeley _ ** _changed _ ** _eddie_**_'__s name to _ ** _edchard_ **

** _mikeley _ ** _changed _ ** _stan_**_’s name to _ ** _stanchael_ **

**mikeley:** i hate yall

**edchard:** god damn it

**bevsha:** eddie ur a big softie

**edchard:** >:(

**stanchael:** god damn it michael

**mikeley:** i love you :)

**richward:** he pretends he doesn’t love me but he’s laying on me rn

eds ur kinda heavy :///////

**aisherly:** wow true love

**edchard:** richie i’m on the verge of killing you

**richward:** that’s not what the hickeys you left say

**beniam:** JSDNGKJSDG EDDIE

**billjamin:** we’ve gone so far from the original point of this convo oh my god

**richward:** THIS IS A KANGAROO COURT

**billjamin:** shut the fuck

gl**ks aren’t protected under the constitution

i was gonna ask if you guys wanted to go ghost hunting >:(

**mikeley:** aw billy

can we ban richie and eddie from coming with us

**stanchael:** oh please

**richward:** fuck u guys

**beniam:** i hope you guys know i’m going full buzzfeed unsolved and bringing a camera

**billjamin:** i know this and i love you

**beniam:** yeah babey

**bevsha:** WHAT IS GOING ON YOU GUYS THIS IS MATTY FUCKING SMOKES AND WE’RE INVESTIGATING GHOSTS

**aisherly:** you know what i don’t believe in ghosts but absolutely

**billjamin:** aisha i’d die for you

**aisherly:** you will :)

**billjamin:** oh god oh fuck

**edchard:** as much as i wanna smack all of you i’ll go

**beniam:** wow eddie that’s really sweet of you

**edchard:** :/

**billjamin:** i hate you guys so much its unreal

**mikeley:** what have i ever done ever

**billjamin:** EXCEPT MIKE

**mikeley:** :)

**richward:** love you billy

**billjamin:** meet at my house at 8

**beniam:** heehoo peanut

**stanchael:** heehoo peanut indeed ben

**ben, stan and mike**

_19:48_

[mike’s pickup.]

[stan’s sitting in the front seat, holding mike’s free hand] 

[ben’s in the back with a camera and a couple loose devices. they’ve just pulled over]

**stan:** hey!

** _aisha_ ** _ opens the door of the car and slides in to sit with ben in the back_

**aisha:** that’s a pretty huge camera you’ve got there benny

_he holds it up, one hand behind it as if he were a beauty guru_

**ben:** if we’re ghost hunting we can’t just let this go undocumented aisha! what if we find a ghost!

also i may just be a sentimental bastard

**mike:** aw benny

_aisha pinches ben’s cheek_

**stan:** aisha, by the way, why not ride with bev?

**aisha:** oh it’s _bold_ of you to assume i’d wanna be in the same car as richie and eddie

_mike chuckles_

also mike lives closer to me so it makes more sense

_they highfive_

**ben:** that’s fair enough

my bet is richie’s taking up the entire backseat

**mike:** he’s a bastard like that

**stan:** what other equipment did you bring benny?

**ben:** ok you know buzzfeed unsolved right

**aisha:** no shit, that’s the whole inspiration for this

_ben picks up a device that looks like an audio recorder_

**ben:** i found this spirit box on ebay

**stan:** oh god is it that shrieking thing they use

_ben and stan stare at each other dead on, challenging_

_ben turns on the spirit box, sending the white noise blasting through the car_

**mike:** fucking hell ben 

_stan stares at ben, eyes narrowed_

**stan** _deadpan**:**_ you’re the worst.

**aisha:** turn it off!

_the noise cuts_

thank god

**stan:** how much further?

**mike:** 10 ish minutes?

_ben smiles like an absolute bastard_

**aisha** sighing**:** i should’ve gone with bev

**bev, richie and eddie**

_19:52_

[bev’s car.]

[they’re on their way to bill’s house, richie laying across eddie in the backseat just as ben thought]

[bev looks in the rear view mirror, seeing richie’s position and raising an eyebrow mischievously]

**bev:** you know i could swerve and slam your head into the door right rich

**richie:** you won’t though, you love me too much

_smirking, bev rounds the corner violently, sending richie flying backwards_

**bev:** bitch you thought

_richie groans and eddie laughs, slapping his leg_

**eddie:** you really put too much faith in her

**richie:** FUCK YOU BEVERLY

_bev winks at him through the mirror and puts on a playlist_

**the losers**

_20:03_

[outside the denbroughs’ house]

[richie, bev and eddie arrived first, standing in the driveway, with the other 4 having just got there]

[when they get out of the car, aisha snorts]

**aisha:** what the fuck richie

_he spins around upon hearing his name_

**richie**_ indignantly_**_:_** what’d i do this time?

_stan looks richie up and down before focusing on his shorts_

**stan:** oh my god

_blushing, he buries his face in mike’s shoulder, who puts an arm around him_

**eddie:** staniel stop looking at my boyfriend’s ass

**richie:** yeah that’s EDDIE’S ass

**eddie:** ok nevermind

_mike looks at richie, confused_

**mike:** wha-

oh.

_richie’s wearing the ‘are you nasty?’ shorts_

**bev:** what’s so bad about the-

_she looks down_

ah

**ben**_ playfully_**:** why so flustered stanny?

**mike:** no reason whatsoever

**richie:** oh god are you gonna make me wanna change

**mike:** i own a washing machine richard

**richie:** i wanna cHANGE

_he walks up to the door, about to open it_

**stan:** you’re so fucking annoying oh my god

**richie:** i’m not wearing shorts you two have had SEX in

i can’t believe you’d taint a GIFT FROM ME _MICHAEL_

**mike:** we didn-

[the front door swings open to reveal **georgie**]

**georgie:** you guys are really loud, you know?

**bev:** GEORGIE!

_she runs up, picks georgie up and spins him around as he laughs happily_

_the losers take turns hugging georgie_

**stan:** where’s your brother, bud?

**georgie:** he’s in his room getting a couple things

he’s dressed really weird, what’re you guys doing?

**richie:** oh please tell me he’s dressed up like one of the dudes from ghostbusters

_georgie leads them up the stairs_

**georgie:** hey billy the rest of your brain cells are here

[**bill **kicks his door open: he’s wearing a blue and black jumpsuit, with red goggles pushed to the top of his head - maddie fenton from danny phantom]

**bill:** WHO’S READY TO HUNT SOME FUCKING GHOSTS

**eddie:** holy fucking shit bill

**georgie: **i told you it was weird!

_richie and bev round the corner, take one look at bill and fall over each other, wheezing_

_bill stares at his friends_

**bill:** you guys are cowards

**aisha:** hey! i totally look like a ghost hunter!

_she holds up her hands - she’s wearing fingerless gloves_

**bev:** you look totally badass, babe

_aisha winks at her_

**bill:** i only trust aisha, fuck the rest of you

**the losers**

_20:29_

[a remote area of derry.]

[the losers are wandering around a field: bill, bev and richie are super into it - ben’s in front of them with his camera]

**ben**_ impersonating a documentary narrator:_ we’re currently in what is supposedly the most haunted areas of derry

if there’s anyone here with us, show us a sign

_they stand silently for a few seconds before-_

**aisha:** we’re in a field, what kind of ghost haunts a _field_, ben

**ben **_overdramatically: _don’t you go and disrespect the field ghosts!

**stan:** honestly this entire town could be haunted and i wouldn’t be surprised

**richie:** all the better, more ghosts to fuck, right big bill?

_he winks at bill, who swats at him_

**bill:** SHUT UP RICHIE

**eddie:** do you guys even know what you’re looking for?

what counts as ~supernatural activity~

_ he waves his arms around as he speaks _

_bev puts a hand in front of eddie’s mouth, and he stares at it, confused_

**bev:** i’m shifting into buzzfeed unsolved mode

_she pulls out what looks like two large metal straws from her bag_

**mike:** i-

what is that?

**aisha:** do you need a drink or something?

_bev narrows her eyes at her girlfriend_

**bev:** dowsing rods! they move if there’s a spirit nearby

_eddie makes an unconvinced face_

fuck you eddie

[she holds the dowsing rods straight in front of her and starts walking around]

[ben follows, zooming in on the rods. richie and bill follow closely behind her, staring intently at the rods]

**bev:** HOLY SHIT

_stan looks up from where he was sitting with mike_

**richie:** OH FUCKKKKK

**mike:** what is it?

_the rods have crossed to form an x - indication that there is a spirit present_

**stan**_ as he walks:_ is that meant to mean anything?

**bill:** it _means_ there’s a spirit here stanny

**stan:** sure…

**aisha:** how exactly does that work?

**bev: **i don’t know maybe a ghost pushed them together

**richie:** the ghost pushed the rods _tenderly_

**aisha:** a LOVER!

**bev:** nooooo don’t leave me for a ghost you’re so sexy ahahaha

_aisha shoves bev_

**stan and eddie**

_21:46_

[they’ve separated themselves from the group, sitting down in a playground]

**stan:** i have the best idea

**eddie:** what?

**stan:** they’re gonna notice we’ve gone in a few minutes and start to freak out, right?

**eddie:** oh absolutely

stan…

are you being…

a prankster

**stan:** a hundred percent

ghosts aren’t real of course we’re gonna fuck with them

**eddie:** oh very fun and sexy of us

_stan sits on a swing as eddie sits on the top of the _ [ _climbing dome_ ](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2d/Climberdome.JPG/220px-Climberdome.JPG)

**stan:** what i’m thinking is

we stay here for a bit

and then we find them and make ghost noises to scare the shit out of them

**eddie:** what the fuck does ghost noises mean stan

**stan:** OKAY, no need to use profanity

**eddie:** fuck you

_stan sighs_

**stan:** we could say shit like ‘help me’

or

_he looks at where eddie’s sitting_

does that not hurt your ass?

**eddie:** yeah

but will that stop me from sitting on it?

**stan:** ok fair enough

**eddie:** knowing how much bill is convinced he’s gonna find a ghost this is gonna be so good

**stan:** so now we wait

do you have food or something?

**eddie:** you know i do

_eddie unzips his fanny pack and pulls out a couple granola bars_

**stan:** ugh love you

**the losers**

_22:03_

[an abandoned house.]

**bev:** holy shit

do you guys remember that fucking crackhouse we went to?

**bill:** oh my god.

you think that place was haunted?

**bev:** oh it definitely was

**ben:** there’s absolutely no way i’m going back there

**aisha:** i’m assuming this has to do with the year you guys fought that uhh redacted?

**richie:** oh yeah

**bill:** should we try use ben’s spirit box?

_ben rustles around in his bag and retrieves the spirit box before giving it to bill_

**mike:** wait, before you guys turn that fucker on

where are stan and eddie?

**bev:** what the fuck?

i swear they were with us a second ago

eddie was complaining about getting diseases from these places

**richie:** fuck

**mike:** i’m gonna call stan

_he ducks out of the house_

_22:08_

_incoming call from _ ** _my sun and moon <33 _ ** _to_ ** _ my lil chickadee <3_ **

**m:** hey! are you with eddie?

**s:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**m:** are you alright? where’d you guys go?

_there’s some muffled noises from stan’s end, vaguely resembling eddie’s voice_

babe? i’m getting a little worried

**s:** i’m fine! don’t worry

**m:** are you nearby?

**s:** so here’s the thing

me and eddie wanted to scare you guys

**m:** of course you did

**s:** we’re planning on like, slamming some doors, saying spooky ghost sounding shit, stuff like that

**m:** oh that’s gonna scare the shit out of bill and rich

do it

**s:** promise me you won’t say anything?

**m:** of course

even better, ben’s filming so you’ll definitely have something to make fun of them with after

**s:** oh my god yeah

**m:** we’re at that abandoned house right now, they’re about to use the spirit box

**s **_to eddie__:_ this is gonna be so fucking good

**eddie** _in the background:_ i’m so ready

**s:** ok we’re coming in a sec get ready

**m:** can’t wait

i’m glad you’re just being chaotic and not kidnapped or anything babe

_stan laughs_

**s **_in a shitty ghost voice:_ seeeeee you soooonn michaellllll

**m **_fondly:_ shut up

_call ended_

**the losers**

_22:21_

[mike comes back into the room only to be deafened by the spirit box]

**mike:** oh fucking christ

_the others jump when they hear him, relaxing once they realise who it is_

stan and eddie are getting food

_ben turns the spirit box off_

**bill: **neither of those dummies can drive though

**mike:** oh, they’re walking

...stan said there’s a 7/11 nearby

_aisha looks at mike, confused, but doesn’t say anything_

**richie:** ok let’s keep going with the box then

i’d love to hear the voice of my next lover

_bill slaps him on the arm_

**aisha:** are we ready?

[she looks around the group as everyone nods]

[wincing, she turns the box back on, the white noise blaring in the room once more]

**bev:** if there’s anyone here with us, say something so we know you’re here

_the spirit box screeches, little snippets of classical music come in and out_

**aisha:** that’s probably just from the radio

**richie:** but what if a GHOST is playing the violin

**mike:** why the fuck would a ghost be playing the violin

**bill:** hey…you never know when you wanna bust out a tune

**bev:** maybe they’re just talented michael!

_mike rolls his eyes, smiling_

[the spirit box continues to pick up short snippets of sound until…]

**the box:** e-dd-ie

_aisha snaps her eyes towards the box_

**richie:** what the FUCK

**the box:** hee-ho-o pea-n-ut

_they stare at the box, and then each other, before losing it_

**ben **_between laughs_**_:_** holy f-fucking shit

**bev:** ghosts are real we have concrete evidence now

_aisha and ben have collapsed on each other, still wheezing_

**the box:** st-an-ley de- 

co-ming

_their laughter stops abruptly_

**richie:** wh-what?

**bev:** what does that mean?

**ben:** they’re just getting food? holy shit…what if something happened

_bev grabs aisha’s hand_

**mike** you think maybe something went wrong on their way?

[bill moves to turn the box off]

[a loud _BANG_ sounds from another room]

[richie jumps, grabbing onto the closest person to him - bill]

**ben:** holy shit holy shit holy shit

_they all huddle together_

**bev:** okay i know we wanted to find ghosts but this is NOT it

_the sound of something shattering comes from another room_

**richie:** AHHH FUCK

i miss eddie

**mike: **shitttt what’s going on

_he’s not a very convincing actor_

**bill:** should we try and make contact or something?

**aisha: **oh let’s fucking do it

GHOSTS? i’m inviting you to possess me

_a woman can be heard weeping faintly further down the hall_

**bev:** holy shit guys

this has gotta be real

**ben:** there's no way this is happening right now  


_bill steps forwards, away from the others_

**bill:** i’m…i’m gonna go see what it is

[bill starts down the hallway tentatively, the others following slightly behind him, ben still filming everything]

**bill:** oh what the fuck

**richie:** what is it billy?

_they turn into one of the rooms_

[stan and eddie are sitting on an old desk in the room, giggling]

[the crying sounds were coming from stan's phone - a youtube video pulled up]

[richie beelines towards eddie, who rolls his eyes and opens his arms to let richie settle between them]

**aisha:** why am i not surprised

**bev:** i hate you guys so much what the fuck!

_stan and eddie high five_

_mike breaks out into laughter_

**bill:** michael…did you know?

_he makes eye contact with stan_

**mike:** maybe…

**aisha:** I KNEW IT

you’re a bad actor mikey

_mike frowns at her_

**stan:** ben please tell me you got all of that

**ben:** i’ll send the highlights tomorrow

**eddie:** oh FUCK yeah

**richie:** i’m okay with getting redacted on as long as you’re safe

**eddie:** that’s really lame i wish you were more mad about it

_he leans and kisses richie on the forehead_

**bill:** i’m mad you guys scared the shit out of me

_stan and eddie wink at him in sync_

**eddie:** bill you know we’d take any opportunity to make fun of you

**bill:** fuck you

_23:49_

[the playground.]

[the losers have set up a picnic blanket with a ouija board in the middle, with a candle lit next to it]

**bev:** you know this is the start to a really shitty horror movie

one of us is gonna end up dead by the time we’re done

**aisha:** definitely eddie

**eddie:** what!

**richie:** hEy

_aisha grins playfully_

**bill:** let’s start

_they all lay a couple fingers on the planchette_

**ben:** wait-

_he looks around_

oh aww

_stan and mike have curled up on a bench together - fast asleep_

**richie:** that’s gay

**aisha:** those two are such geriatrics

**bill:** okay, how many spirits are with us right now?

_the planchette stays still for a couple seconds, before moving towards the number 1_

**aisha:** we have a LOVER!

**bev:** what’s your name?

_the board spells out P - E - N - I_

**bill:** richie shut the fuck up

sorry spirit, what’s your name

_slowly, the planchette starts moving again_

_P - E - N_

**eddie:** richie i swear to god

**richie:** it’s not me this time!

_N - Y - W - I_

**bev:** no fucking way

_S - E_

**bill:** oh fucking hell

**ben:** i hate it i hate it

**richie:** why are you here?

_the planchette moves, faster this time: T - I - M - E _

_T - O _

_F - L - O - A - T_

**bev:** oh fuck!

_eddie drops the planchette, moving back_

**richie:** do i have to get the baseball bat again

_stan and mike stir from their position on the bench_

**stan**_ groggily:_ what happened?

**bill: **it’s the fucking uhh the redacted

**mike: **what?

_stan and mike come to sit with the others_

_aisha’s straight face breaks_

**aisha:** you guys are so gullible

**bev:** god DAMN it babe

**bill:** aishaaaaa

**stan:** oh _nice_

_they highfive_

**richie **_pouting**:**_ next time it should just be the believers that go i hate you guys

**bev:** you mean the beliebers

**bill:** NO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really went buckwild writing this huh  
big love to bree for making me wheeze hard enough over "heehoo peanut" that i added it into this fic  
also does it make no sense for richie to be shane and eddie to be ryan in bill's phone? perhaps so. will that stop me? no.  
as always, feel free to send me asks about this fic or the losers in general at aahelvede.tumblr.com :)


	19. shut up i'm vibing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> richward: we really are just dvd screensavers bouncing around the screen, never hitting the corner huh  
stanchael: wow richard you’re so wise.  
richward: you’re no fun stan

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_13:42_

**beniam:** gaydies and gentlegays

**aisherly:** hello???

**mikeley:** yes that’s us

**beniam: **i’ve put my brain cell together and formed a Thought

**billjamin:** congratulations benny

**beniam:** thanks it took a lot of effort

**richward:** we really are just dvd screensavers bouncing around the screen, never hitting the corner huh

**stanchael:** wow richard you’re so wise.

**richward:** you’re no fun stan

**mikeley:** hey…that’s my boyfriend you’re talking to

**richward:** your boyfriend sucks michael

**edchard:** i appreciated the joke baby

**richward:** wow eds wanna make out or something  😳

**beniam:** does NO ONE want to appreciate the thought i put so much effort into getting together

**bevsha:** tell me!!

**beniam:** my thought was

we should go on a road trip!!

**bevsha:** oh benny!

**stanchael:** ben your mind…

**aisherly:** oh that sounds really fun!

**edchard:** WAIT

i don’t want to be in a car with Richard for more than an hour at a time

**richward:** you’re so mean to me eds :(

**edchard:** listen 2 me,,

i love you but you will drive me insane if we’re in a confined space for 8 hours straight

**richward:** who said anything about the hours being straight

**bevsha:** ok felt that

**mikeley:** a road trip sounds good ben!!

**billjamin:** i’m so excited ahhhhhhhhhh

**stanchael:** ben hanscom i would lay my life down for you

**beniam:** good :)

**stanchael:** oh fuck

**billjamin:** let’s get to planning mfs

**edchard:** meet at mine and bev’s later?

**bevsha:** fuck yeah baby

**the losers**

_17:35_

[eddie and bev’s living room.]

[stan, mike and bev are on the couch: stan leaning on mike and bev laying with her legs across theirs]

[richie and eddie take up the armchair - richie absentmindedly playing with eddie’s hair]

[ben, bill and aisha lounge on the floor, bunched together on a set of beanbags, facing the others]

_ben looks up from his phone_

**ben:** fuck!

_the others startle at his voice_

**bev:** what is it babe

**ben:** i just realised - we can’t all fit in one car and we definitely can’t afford an rv

_slowly, they realise what he’s implying_

**eddie:** i am NOT getting into a car that bev’s driving

**bev:** HEY

do you not have a good time in my fucking car edward?

**eddie:** no! you almost crash every other minute

**bev **_playfully_**:** that’s what makes it fun, the risk of death 

_she winks at him and he rolls his eyes_

**stan:** i’d trust richie behind the wheel just as much as i’d trust bev

**aisha:** oh dibs not being in richie’s car

**richie:** WOW, this is defamation

**mike:** it’s not defamation if it’s based on facts

_richie audibly gasps at mike’s words_

**bill:** MICHAEL

he’s right

**ben:** so what i’m gathering is that we’re gonna have to pick names out of a hat or something

**eddie:** ben if i’m in richie’s car and we die it’s your fault

**richie:** hey, you can’t complain about who’s driving you babe

you don’t even know how to drive

_eddie shoves him off of his lap_

**bill:** so if we’re going off of who can drive out of us, it’s mike, richie, ben and bev

**mike:** i thought you had your license?

**bill:** i do

_mike looks at him, confused_

**stan:** bill’s a shit driver so he’s out

**ben:** richie and bev are bad on purpose, bill’s just straight up terrible

**bill:** i’d be offended but you’re right

**aisha:** essentially, two good drivers and two fucking god awful drivers

**richie:** i’m a good driver you guys are just mean

_he pouts, and eddie pulls him back up into his arms_

**eddie:** your talents are limited by your old, old car, chee

**richie:** finally you realise

_eddie laughs and kisses him quickly_

**bill:** i love that fucking car

**mike:** so it’s gonna be me and richie driving the first half and then ben and bev driving the second?

**stan:** i’ve never wanted to be further from bev than i do right now

**bev:** staniel i do not like your tone

_17:52_

[the losers have migrated from their spaces on the couch to the floor, where they’ve spread out the bean bags]

[ben’s sitting holding a hat, which he draws a slip of paper from]

**ben:** drumroll please

_they roll their eyes, but drum anyways_

_ben opens the piece of paper and snorts_

eddie!

you’re in richie’s car

**eddie:** god DAMN it

**bill:** you complain but you’re fully attached to richie right now

**richie:** deep down he knows he’s gonna enjoy the drive

**eddie:** shut up

_he sinks further into richie’s arms_

**stan:** i am on the edge of my fucking seat for the next draw

**bev:** so right now it’s me and aisha with mike, and bill and eddie with richie?

**bill:** unfortunately

**mike **_to stan_**_:_** so it’s down to you and ben, babe

_stan puts his head in his hands and leans into mike’s side_

**aisha:** so, a 50/50 chance of either of them ending up with richie

**richie:** really feeling targeted by this

**bev:** i think someone other than ben should draw the last one

**ben:** beverly marsh! are you accusing me of being dishonest?

**bev:** no, i just want to be the one to pull the name

**stan **_muffled:_ bev i hate you

_ben and bev stare at each other until ben hands the hat over_

**bev:** now would anyone like to place any bets before i pick the name

**richie:** 30 bucks on stan

**eddie:** do you even have that much money

**richie:** no

**eddie:** okay fair enough

**bev:** are we ready?

_stan looks up, staring bev down_

**ben:** i’ve never been more scared in my life

[she locks eyes with stan as she pulls out the piece of paper, and then turns to look at ben]

[slowly, she opens the piece of paper and reads the name]

[stan and ben stare at each other, pained, across the circle]

[bev says nothing, smiling innocently as she looks at the others]

**stan:** can you PLEASE just say who it is

_bev stares at him, smiling_

**bev**_ not breaking eye contact with stan**:**_ we owe richie $30

**stan:** FUCK

**ben:** oh thank GOD

**richie:** fuck yes, pay up bitches

**bill:** i have $10 richard.

**stan:** i’m not fucking giving you money

**mike:** we’re broke richard

**richie:** ugh i hate this family

**bev:** you’re staying for dinner though right?

**richie:** of course

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_15:17_

**billjamin:** what time are we meeting again

**richward:** bill you big stupid bitch

**billjamin:** mean :(

**mikeley:** jesus richard

**stanchael: **we’re meeting at 5 at the park billy

**billjamin:** thanks stanny

can’t wait to spend 4 hours in a car with you rich :)

**bevsha:** oh god

**edchard:** bill’s gonna kill richie

go ahead bill you have my blessing

**billjamin:** :)

**beniam:** he’s gonna kill richie at first sight

**aisherly:** i’ve never appreciated mike as much as i have now

**mikeley:** wow aisha

even after all those art classes we’ve spent together

**aisherly:** you know i love you mikey

**beniam:** anyways yeah 5 at the park, bring your shit for the week

**richward:** i’m bringing a bulletproof vest

**billjamin:** :)

**triccy diccy -> bevvie <3**

_16:30_

**richie:** we’re uhhhhhh

gonna have to bring your car

**bev:** yeah i assumed so

there’s no fucking way frankie would be able to handle it

**richie:** SHE’S BEEN THROUGH A LOT BEVERLY

**bev:** i know this and i love you

**richie:** :)

**the losers**

_17:09_

[derry park.]

[mike’s pickup is parked, bev’s car nearby]

**stan:** okay, before we go

_he turns to mike_

can i please drive with you?

**mike:** and go against the rules of the hat? absolutely not

**stan **_melodramatic:_ what about boyfriend privileges, huh babe?

_he leans in towards mike, who lightly pushes him away_

**bill:** stan you can’t leave me alone to suffer!

**richie:** you know what for all you guys know i could drive so fucking safely

**eddie:** i’ve made my peace with it

bill we’re in this together

**ben:** we’re really underestimating bev here

she’s nearly killed every single one of us

**bev:** are we NOT baby drivers in this family!

**bill:** bev…are you…are you wearing the shorts

**bev:** of course i am billy

_she slaps her own ass, making bill laugh_

**mike:** those shorts are gonna make their way around the whole group huh

**richie:** because we’re all nasty michael

_17:20_

**aisha:** we’re gonna have to leave soon if we want to get ahead of any traffic

_stan groans, slumping into mike’s arms_

_he laughs and takes stan’s face in his hands_

**mike:** you’ll survive a couple hours sweetheart

**stan **_overdramatically:_but what if i DIE michael

**mike:** then i’ll plan the funeral

_stan pouts, and mike smiles before kissing him_

**bev:** ugh, gross

**aisha:** wow i didn’t know they did that

_stan flips her off_

**bill:** pack it up losers we need to go

_stan and mike separate, stan moving away as if he’s going off to war, and not a roadtrip_

**ben:** i’m so excited to have a nice, calm drive

is everyone ready?

_he looks around the group only to notice-_

jesus christ

_eddie is pressed up against the door of bev’s car, making out with richie_

**bev:** NOT ON MY FUCKING CAR ASSHOLES

**richie, eddie and bill**

_17:43_

[bev’s car, just leaving town.]

[richie’s driving normally, humming a song as he drives]

**bill:** wow, this is…not as bad as i thought it would be

**richie:** see! i’m a good driver

**eddie:** i don’t trust you but sure

_richie pouts at him_

**bill:** oh what the fuck

stan’s not in here

_he looks out the window_

**eddie:** i-

did we leave him behind?

**richie:** i swear he put his bag in the trunk

**bill:** you don’t think…

**mike, bev, ben and aisha**

_17:46_

[mike’s pickup.]

[bev’s playing music from her “shut up i’m vibing” playlist, laying across aisha in the backseat as ben hums along in the front]

**aisha:** isn’t it nice knowing that mike won’t willingly crash this car

**bev:** poor bill

**mike:** you know, maybe i would

**ben:** you’re too responsible to do that though, mikey

and you love us too much to put us in any danger

**mike:** okay benjamin, call me out like that!

_he glances at the rearview mirror and something catches his eye_

wha-

_he squints at it_

**bev:** what is it, mikey?

_ben leans to the side, trying to figure out what he’s looking at_

**ben:** is that-

_mike starts laughing and pulls over_

**aisha:** i’m so confused

[mike gets out of the car and makes his way over to the back of the pickup]

[he leans against the side of it, smirking at **stan **looking up at him sheepishly]

**mike:** now why, stanley uris, are you in the back of my pickup instead of with richie, eddie and bill?

**stan:** is it not enough to say because i love you?

_bev’s just gotten out of the car_

_she breaks down laughing when she sees stan huddled in a blanket in the back_

**bev **_wheezing_**_:_** stan i love you so much

_mike pulls stan out of the back_

**mike:** you’ve lost front seat privileges, babe

**stan:** noOOoOo

**bev:** you wouldn’t DARE kick ben out of his seat

**stan:** okay fuck you’re right

_he opens the door and lets bev slide back in next to her girlfriend_

**aisha:** stan? what the fuck

**stan:** we don’t need to talk about it

_he sits down and bev leans on his shoulder, still giggling_

_he looks over at bev, illuminated by the sunset, and smiles_

**richie, eddie and bill**

_19:38_

[a highway.]

[surprisingly, richie hasn’t done anything reckless in the two hours they’ve been driving for.]

[his right hand is intertwined with eddie’s, his thumb occasionally tracing circles on the back of eddie’s hand]

[bill is laying across the back seat, his head on a pillow - starting to doze off]

[a song begins to fade out, before getting replaced with-]

**richie: **OHHHHHHHHHH FUCKKKKKKKKKKK YEAHHHHHHHHHH

_he snatches his hand back from eddie and slams the gas pedal_

_bill jumps so hard he almost hits the roof_

**eddie:** what the FUCK richard?!

**bill:** richie what the fuck i was almost asleep

**richie:** listen to the fuCKING SONG YOU TWO

_it’s voulez vous by abba_

**bill:** okay you know what FUCK YEAH

**eddie:** richard i swear to god if you crash this fucking car

**richie:** it would be worth it.

_he swerves past a car in front of them erratically, shouting the lyrics_

_eddie grips the dashboard screaming bloody murder while bill shouts along with richie_

**bill and richie:** YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

_ VOULEZ VOUSSSSSSSSSS_

**eddie **_reluctantly: _ah HA

_he looks like he’s on the verge of throwing up_

**bill:** TAKE IT NOW OR LEAVE IT

**eddie**_ still queasy-looking:_ ah ha

**richie: **NOW THAT’S ALL WE GET

**eddie:** ah ha

**bill and richie:** NOTHING PROMISED NO REGRETS

[they sing through the second chorus, eddie slowly getting over his nausea]

[as the song continues richie is still driving above the speed limit]

[as they exit the highway they encounter a roundabout]

**richie: **OHHHH YEAH BABY

**eddie:** don’t you fucking do it

_richie whips the car around the bend, eddie clinging onto the dashboard for dear life_

_through the rearview mirror, richie sees that bill had somehow put on a helmet without him noticing_

**richie:** is that a fucking bike helmet billy? you coward? you little bitch?

**bill:** yes AND?

BOLD of you to assume i’d willingly get into a car with you or bev and not bring protection

**mike, bev, ben, aisha and stan**

_19:51_

[exiting the highway.]

[they’ve reached the roundabout, mike turning calmly and softly singing along to cavetown song]

[ben and aisha have both fallen asleep - bev lightly runs her fingers through aisha’s hair]

**bev **_drowsy_**_:_** mike…your voice is so fucking pretty

why have i never heard you sing like this!

**stan:** he likes to pretend he can’t sing

**mike **_embarassed_**_:_** you and richie are our singers, i’m more of a shower singer

**bev:** you say that but i can just TELL you’ve serenaded lil stanley here

_she ruffles stan’s hair and he covers his face, blushing_

i take your tomato face as a yes

**stan:** MAYBE

_ben stirs_

**ben:** i swear i dreamt that an angel was singing to me

**stan**_ fondly_**_:_ **mike was singing

**ben:** oh, so it wasn’t a dream

**bev:** AWWWW BEN

**mike:** bEN, you’re gonna make me crash the car!

_aisha jolts awake, slamming into bev_

**aisha:** WHO SAID CRASH-sorry babe

**bev:** my JAW, OW

_bev holds her face, acting scandalised_

_aisha laughs and kisses the spot she hit_

**aisha:** better?

**bev:** wow all of a sudden it doesn’t hurt!

**aisha:** dork

**ben:** oh, i have a confession to make

_20:24_

[they’ve pulled over at a mcdonalds]

[richie, eddie and bill haven’t arrived yet despite breaking several speeding laws]

[stan and mike have settled in the back of the pickup while ben, bev and aisha have gone in to order]

**mike:** you look a little cold, love

_he digs around in his bag and pulls out a hoodie_

**stan **_smiling_**_:_** thanks

_he puts on the hoodie and curls up into mike’s side_

it’s a really beautiful night, huh?

**mike:** i can think of something more beautiful

_stan turns to face him, a dopey smile on his face_

**stan:** that was really gross and sappy of you

**mike:** it’s just the truth

_stan kisses his face before reaching his lips_

[they stare at each other, smiling, before staring up at the sky]

[mike lets stan lay his head in his lap]

**mike:** do you remember the constellations i told you about?

**stan:** hmm

maybe one

**mike:** which one?

**stan:** …your favourite

**mike:** so now who’s the sappy and gross one?

**stan:** still you, cancer’s my zodiac sign

_mike looks away, flushed, and stan’s about to lean in again before-_

_[SCRRRRRRRRREEECH]_

_they startle from their position against the back window_

**stan:** what the fuck

[**eddie** gets out of the car, his knees wobbling and face pale. **bill** and **richie** get out shortly after, chaos in their eyes]

**mike:** what took you guys so long?

**eddie **_weakly:_richie decided to do donuts around an empty roundabout

**richie:** and it was SO FUN

_bill stares stan and mike down_

**bill:** did we interrupt something?

**stan:** mike’s a loser

**mike:** hey-

[bev, ben and aisha emerge from the mcdonalds, each holding a large bag of food]

**ben:** eddie you look like you’re about to die

**eddie:** because i AM benjamin

_he has to lean against the car door to catch his breath_

**richie:** eds, there’s no way you can look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t have fun

_he stands right in front of richie, staring up at his face_

**eddie **_deadpan:_ i didn’t have fun.

_richie playfully puts an arm around eddie’s shoulders_

_eddie stares at him, annoyed, before dropping the act and leaning into his touch_

**bev:** can someone please help me carry these before i fall

_bill rushes to catch one of the bags she’s carrying_

thank you billy

**the losers**

_21:58_

[a field, maybe 10 minutes from the cars]

[finished with the food, the losers have settled on a blanket together, all laying on each other in some way]

[in the middle of the blanket, laying on bev with bill laying on his stomach and the others surrounding him, ben hanscom feels love surge through his heart]

**ben:** you know, not to be sappy in a field at 10pm but i love you guys so much

_he feels bev run her fingers through his hair_

**mike:** a field at 10pm is the perfect place to be sappy

**bill:** i love you guys a lot

_a chorus of ‘same’ and ‘god me too’ rings out_

**richie: **i’m really glad you thought of this benny

_he reaches out to lightly punch ben’s arm_

**stan:** maybe i cheated the hat but it was such a great idea ben

_eddie takes a deep breath before speaking_

**eddie:** you know, i folded my paper all weird so ben would know it was mine

_it’s silent before-_

**richie:** EDS!

_he pinches eddie’s cheeks _

i KNEW you love being in a car with me

**eddie** _softly:_ shut upppppppp

i just love you a lot - you make my day just by being there

_richie makes affectionate noises and kisses his boyfriend_

**bev:** ben told us you did that while we were driving

**eddie:** damn it ben!

**ben:** it was cute!

**richie:** you’re such a loser eds

**eddie:** says you!

_they slap at each other lightly before bev and bill each catch a hand_

**bill: **it’s wholesome field hours you two, god

_they lay in silence for a bit_

**mike:** you know, i never thought i’d find a group of people that understand me like you guys do

i can’t believe i almost spent my high school years cooped up at home

**ben:** OH me too

_they all make appreciative noises, stan snuggles into mike_

**aisha:** as weird as it was coming into you guys’ friendship at first, i couldn’t have asked for a better group, no matter how chaotic driving with richie or bev is

**bev:** i’m so happy you came along, babe

it was getting exhausting being around all this testosterone

_the boys all protest_

i’m kidding! you know how much i love you assholes

you guys are home to me.

**stan:** oh my god

you know, i think it’s been 4 years since we all became friends

_richie checks the date on his phone_

**richie:** holy shit, you’re right

**eddie:** i love you guys so much

**mike:** happy anniversary you guys

_they all hold hands, remembering something about a promise they’d made once_

_23:42_

[they’re driving again, this time, ben is driving with bill, stan and aisha, while bev is driving richie, eddie and mike]

**ben, bill, aisha and stan**

_23:43_

[they had a headstart, but aren’t too far away from the other car]

[ben has just put on a song, which elicits a groan from the other three when they realise what it is]

**stan:** are we really doing this at midnight

**ben:** we are and you’re gonna enjoy it stanley

**bev, richie, eddie and mike**

_23:44_

[bev, determined to make one of her passengers throw up, is swerving erratically as a song hums in the background]

[richie sings along passionately while eddie stares him down]

**eddie:** i can’t believe you’re playing this right now

**richie:** why do you hate ART

**bev:** i hate to admit it but this song kinda slaps

**eddie:** i knew i took you off the taste groupchat for a reason

**mike:** bev PLEASE drive normally i’m gonna die

**bev:** that’s the fun of it mikey

_she can see the pickup just ahead of them_

**richie:** AWWW SHIT IT’S COMING

_ ALL MY LIFE, YOU STOOD BY ME_

_ WHEN NO ONE ELSE WAS EVER BESIDE ME_

_ ALL THESE LIGHTS, THEY CAN’T BLIND ME_

[as he shouts the lyrics, they get closer and closer to the other car]

[the bass drops into the chorus, and richie and ben make eye contact through the unrolled windows just as they pass each other]

[somehow, they managed to sync the song exactly]

**ben and richie: **NOBODY CAN DRAG ME DOWN

**bev:** nobody nobody!

**eddie:** bev NO

**mike:** wait, what the fuck?

**eddie:** did they…play the song at the exact same time

**richie:** we’re CONNECTED

_he sticks his head out the window_

I LOVE YOU BEN!

**ben **_distantly:_ I LOVE YOU TOO RICHIE!

**ben, bill, aisha and stan**

_23:46_

[bev has just sped off from them]

[as drag me down continues to play, bill, aisha and stan look at ben, perplexed]

**aisha:** ben-

_he’s still singing along_

**stan:** how the fuck did you manage to play that at the exact same time

**ben:** it’s called telepathy, stanley.

**bill:** i feel like we entered another dimension as they passed us

**bev, richie, eddie and mike**

_00:00_

[bev continues to drive recklessly, laughing as eddie complains about all the laws she’s breaking]

[mike is holding on to the ceiling handle, likely praying for his life]

[meanwhile, richie is having the time of his life, seemingly over the last time he was in a car with bev driving]

**mike:** how did you even pass your driver’s test

**bev:** i’m very good at acting

**eddie:** we’re 30 kilometres over the speed limit i’m gonna throw up

**bev:** chief-

don’t chunder

**eddie:** shut the FUCK up

**richie:** bet you wish you’d appreciated me driving now, huh eds

**eddie:** i appreciate you so much babe

**richie:** wow………kiss me right now dude

_eddie rolls his eyes and is about to kiss him-_

_bev slams the breaks and flings richie and eddie forwards_

**bev:** NOT in this car

**mike:** and that’s why we wear seatbelts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in writing this chapter i realised that i've been spelling voulez vous wrong for months  
also YES maybe i don't have a consistent upload schedule


	20. eduGAYtion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bill: well it turns out i’m a cl*wn  
so you’re gonna have to beat me up in a sewer

**love of my life <3 -> chee <333**

_7:48_

**eddie:** baaaaaaaaaaaaaaabe

**richie:** whaaaaaaaaaaat

**eddie:** there’s no way i’m gonna be able to do our thing for english

**richie:** bullshit, you’re gonna be so good

listen to love story and you’re set spagheds

**eddie:** ugh

**richie:** we were both young when i first saw you

i close my eyes and the flashback starts

i’m standing there

on a balcony in summer air

**eddie: **OK I GET IT

**art: mike and aisha**

_8:34_

[the art room.]

[**mike** is sitting, doodling and listening to music]

[he glances at his phone for the time, and looks around the room]

[suddenly, the door swings open]

[**aisha** comes in, looking like she just rolled out of bed - oversized hoodie, bags under her eyes and her curls messily tied up in a bun, carrying her sketchbook]

**mike:** you look like you got hit by a car

**aisha:** good morning to you too, michael

_she gets to her seat and drops her sketchbook on the table_

i don’t have the energy…

i was up until like 1 trying to finish this stupid fucking sketch

**mike:** i’m sure it looks great

_she groans and puts her head on the table_

_mike laughs and rubs her back_

**aisha **_dramatically:_ even worse, it’s only first period!

**mike:** we can ditch and get coffee if you want?

[someone clears their throat by the door, and aisha raises her head]

[**bev** is standing in the doorway, holding a cup of coffee, looking at them through the top of her heart shaped sunglasses]

**bev:** i wouldn’t worry about ditching, my loves

**aisha:** babe!

_she leaps out of her seat and takes the coffee from bev, taking a large sip of it_

**mike:** did that not just burn your mouth?

**aisha:** i’m too desperate for caffiene to even register the pain

**bev:** wow, i made the right call

_she looks into the classroom_

is ms. hayes not in?

**mike:** she’s probably just late, she usually doesn’t come in until halfway through the lesson

**bev:** sick

_aisha has buried herself in bev’s side_

**aisha:** thanks for the coffee baby

how’d you know?

**bev:** i just had a _feeling _

either i’m psychic or you know,

_she winks_

just a really good girlfriend

**aisha:** vibe check!

_she kisses bev quickly_

**bev** _softly, her hand brushing her lips:_ oh fuck…my vibes

**mike:** come on losers we need to get some shit done

_to bev_do you not have class?

**bev:** study hall

**mike:** ah

_she sits on the table as mike and aisha sit down to work_

_8:56_

[bev scrolls through her social media, occasionally looking up, enamoured with the sight of her girlfriend so concentrated, and the fond smile on mike’s face as he sketches]

[she’d never been artistically gifted, apart from when she’d draw little hearts or stars on stan or ben. witnessing aisha and mike’s creativity first hand made her heart warm]

[but she’s been sitting still for too long]

[impulsively, she picks up a paintbrush and boops aisha’s nose with a blob of white paint]

**aisha: **what the fuck!

_mike looks up, knowing chaos is about to ensue_

[she snatches the paintbrush from bev and paints a stroke down her cheek]

[the two devolve into a paint fight, more colours getting involved]

[mike looks on, before deciding _fuck it_ and grabs a paintbrush]

[giggling, they paint streaks of colour across each other but avoid the clothes, because they at least have some level of decency]

[a voice sounds from the doorway]

**ms hayes **_wearily_**_:_** what’s going on here?

_the three stop in their tracks, bev with a paintbrush to aisha’s cheek and mike holding a bottle of paint, about to squeeze it_

**aisha:** art, what else?

**bev:** in my defense miss, i’m unhinged

_ms hayes stares at them, too tired to be angry_

**ms hayes:** don’t you have a class to be in, ms marsh?

**bev:** well-

technically

**mike:** study hall, miss

**ms hayes** _so, so tired:_ i’ll let you stay, marsh, as long as you don’t distract these two anymore

_bev salutes_

**bev:** yes maam of course

_ms hayes sighs and goes to sit at her desk_

[as the three go back to their seats, they exchange a look, and collapse into giggles again]

**chemistry: bill, richie and bev**

_9:33_

[just outside the chemistry lab.]

[richie has just gotten to the door, where bill and bev are waiting for him]

[he starts cackling at the sight of his friends]

**richie:** okay first of all, there is so much happening with you two right now

_he looks at bev, with a few streaks of paint left on her face and hands, and one oddly lip-shaped mark on her cheek_

**richie:** the fuck happened to you, bevvie?

did you skip to play paintball or some shit?

**bev:** don’t speak to me

**richie:** and you, billiam

**bill:** what did i do wrong?

**richie:** the SHORTS

**bill:** oh

_he turns around and sticks his ass out_

_yet again, the are you nasty? shorts_

**bev:** oh slutty bill, making another appearance

_he winks at her_

**richie:** i can’t _believe_ i’m the most normal out of the three of us today

**bill:** shut up richie

**bev:** you’re dressed like a god damn sesame street character rich

_bill pushes open the door as richie gasps at bev’s comment_

_bev slaps bill’s ass as they go inside_

[they walk in to see everyone already seated, and some jars of various chemicals on mr callahan’s desk]

**mr callahan:** tozier, denbrough, marsh

you’re exactly

_he checks his watch_

three minutes late

**richie:** maybe we are, callahan dearest

**mr callahan **_rolling his eyes_**:** get to your work station, we’re doing an experiment today

_as they walk past him, mr callahan puts a hand in front of bill’s chest, stopping him from continuing_

**bill:** uhhh…is something wrong?

**mr callahan:** bill, it’s an experiment day, you know the rules

**bill:** oh, fuck, i forgot

we’re seniors, tim, can you not just let it slip this one time?

**mr callahan **_exasperated:_ language, denbrough

and no, i can’t, so go find a change of clothes

_bill makes eye contact with bev and richie, who are trying their hardest not to laugh, and then leaves the room_

**my husband billiam <3 -> benny my husband <333**

_9:39_

**bill:** well it turns out i’m a cl*wn

so you’re gonna have to beat me up in a sewer

**ben:** explain?

**bill:** so

i wore the Shorts today

**ben:** ah, the Shorts

**bill:** but i forgot we’re doing a practical in chem

do you happen to be wearing sweats or something today?

**ben:** i do, actually

**bill:** oh thank god

meet me in the bathroom

**ben:** kinky ;)

**bill:** i hate you

**ben:** wow i could just not give you my sweats :/

**bill: **nO PLEASE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU’RE MY SAVIOUR I WOULDN’T BE ALIVE WITHOUT YOU

**ben:** i was gonna give them to you anyways but it’s fun making you panic :)

**bill:** please don’t be mean to me right now

**ben:** i love you billy

i’ll be there in a sec

**bill:** heehoo

**ben:** peanut

finally you get it

**bill, richie and bev**

_9:51_

[the chemistry lab.]

[bill has just walked in, now wearing ben’s gray sweatpants]

**bill:** this better, tim?

**mr callahan:** much

especially without that terrible slogan on the back

_bev whistles from their station_

**richie:** looking good denbrough!

_bill narrows his eyes at richie as he walks over to their desk_

**bill:** i hate you

_he swats at richie and bev snorts_

_10:12_

[the class is making their way through the experiment]

[richie picks up one of the beakers of chemicals]

**bill:** rich, that’s not the right one

**richie **_daring:_ oh yeah big billy? wanna bet?

_bev watches them, knowing in her mind that bill’s right_

**bill:** bev, come on, help me out here

**bev:** rich, i think you should just pour it

_bill, looks at her, pained, and bev returns his look with a mischievous grin_

[richie pours the contents of the beaker into their mixture]

_[BANG!]_

[it exploded.]

**bill:** what did i fucking tell you richie.

**the lockers**

_11:02_

[**eddie**’s at his locker, putting away some books]

**richie:** well fancy seeing you here

_he leans against the locker next to eddie’s_

**eddie:** your locker is like 3 down from mine, stupid

_he closes his locker and reaches up to kiss richie_

hi baby

**richie **_dopey:_hi

**eddie:** how was chem?

**richie **_nonchalantly_**_:_** oh you know, the usual, blew some shit up

_eddie rolls his eyes, smirking_

**eddie:** you’re such a fucking idiot

**richie:** your idiot though

**eddie:** shut upppp

_he covers his face with his hands, leaning back against his locker_

the number of times you’ve said that to me

**richie:** and yet it never gets old

_eddie laughs and pulls him in for another kiss_

[footsteps approach]

**stan:** gross

_they separate to see stan standing with his hands in his pockets_

**richie: **don’t be a homophobe stan, we have a zero tolerance policy

**stan:** i hate gay people

**eddie:** he says, wearing his boyfriend’s letterman

**stan:** you shut your mouth edward

_eddie slaps his arm lightly_

[they start walking towards their maths classroom and see mike and bev leaning against a wall, talking]

[bill, ben and aisha have just turned the corner]

[stan stops and looks mike up and down]

**stan:** are we-

_confused, bev looks at the two of them, trying to piece it together_

**mike:** oh…we are

_they stare at each other, hearts melting a bit_

**bev:** oh my GOD!

you guys are so fucking lame!

_stan flushes_

**aisha:** oh that’s _so_ cute

**richie:** did you two really just both wear each others’ clothes without planning it

**eddie:** even me and richie aren’t that lame

_they highfive_

**stan:** nobody talk to me for the rest of the day

**bill:** i can’t BELIEVE how soft you two are

_he pinches stan’s cheek_

**ben:** i wish i was as cute as stan and mike

_they both look away, smiling_

**bev:** you’re the cutest, benny

[the bell rings, and they all groan]

[they keep walking, before stopping outside two classrooms]

**bev:** i can’t do it, i can’t be separated from my love

**aisha:** aww ba-

**bev **_melodramatically_**_:_** BEN, how am i gonna make it without you!

_ben grabs her hands_

**ben:** beverly, my love, you’ll have to be strong

**bev **_as if she were in a shakespearean drama_**_:_** i don’t think i’m strong enough!

_aisha stares at them, faux-offended_

**aisha:** am i a joke to you

_bev breaks and kisses her girlfriend, still holding ben’s hand_

[as they walk into class, bev and ben hold on to each other’s hands for as long as they can]

**maths: ben, bill, eddie and aisha**

_11:20_

[the maths classroom.]

**eddie:** ok hold up i just noticed

_he looks at bill and ben before sitting down_

are those ben’s sweats? and the are you nasty shorts?

_he narrows his eyes_

did you guys fuck for real this time

_aisha snorts_

**bill:** LISTEN, i needed long pants for chem

**eddie: **sure you did

_ben puts his head in his hands_

[the teacher has just started writing an equation on the board]

**mr foster**: so, to solve this we’re gonna have to use pythagoras’ theorem

_bill clears his throat_

**mr foster **_sighing:_ we’re gonna have to use bean man’s theorem 

_ben, eddie and aisha start laughing_

**aisha **_hushed_**_:_** i can’t believe i didn’t realise _you_ were the beans kid when i met you guys at lunch for the first time

**bill:** i’m glad i earned a reputation as the beans kid

**eddie:** it was maybe the best presentation i’ve ever seen

**ben:** maybe? it _was_ the best

_bill chuckles_

**aisha:** you know what, you joke, but the graphics were fucking killer

11:47

[the room is quiet, everyone carrying on with their work]

[suddenly, the door swings open, and everyone’s attention snaps to it]

[**richie** has just stepped into the room]

**mr foster:** wh-

**richie:** bill can you turn on your airdrop please thanks

**bill:** what the fuck

_he picks up his phone_

it’s…..it’s on?

**richie:** ok cool bye

_he takes a couple steps backwards_

oh and hi eds love you

**eddie **_confused:_ love you too

_richie blows a kiss to him and leaves_

**mr foster **_just wants to make it to retirement:_ can i continue with my lesson now?

_the airdrop tone goes off_

care to share, bill?

_bill looks at his phone, and then sighs_

**aisha:** what’d he send?

_she looks at his phone and covers her mouth, trying to hold in her laughter_

**ben:** oh…my god

**eddie:** wow…

[richie’s airdropped picture]

[bill stares down at his phone, an unreadable expression on his face]

**bill:** i’m gonna kill him

**big billy ;) -> shane madej**

_11:53_

**bill:** fuck you

fuck you

fuck you

fuck you

fuck you

fuck you

fuck you

fuck you

fuck you

**richie: **make jants out of your anger, william

**bill:** I HATE YOU.

**english: ben, bev, stan, richie and eddie**

_12:30_

[the english room.]

[as their teacher enthusiastically goes on about fate vs. freewill in macbeth, ben passes a note.]

[bev opens the slip of paper, and a fond look passes over her face as she reads it]

_your beauty transcends the earth and its sky_

_your smile brightens the whole room_

_the sight of you would leave anyone tongue-tied_

_you, the rose, is already in bloom_

[she writes something and passes it back]

[ben snorts when he sees it]

_haha gay_

[he passes the paper back to her, knowing she’ll want to keep it]

[smiling at him, she tucks it into her book]

**mrs williams:** okay! let’s get started with our shakespeare performances, who wants to go first?

**richie:** i think stanley would love to go first

**mrs williams:** great, remind me what scene you three were performing again?

**stan** _glaring at richie:_ king duncan’s murder, from macbeth

**mrs williams **_gesturing to the front of the room_**_:_** take the stage then

[stan, bev and ben make their way to the front of the room as richie whoops]

[eddie shakes his head, embarrassed by his boyfriend]

[stan and ben stand to the side as bev starts the scene]

[bev clears her throat, and pulls a foam knife out of her pocket]

**bev:** is this a dagger which i see before me,

the handle toward my hand? come, let me clutch thee…

[she goes through macbeth’s soliloquy and the class is transfixed with her performance, in particular her friends, staring at her with such admiration]

**bev:** i go, and it is done. the bell invites me.

hear it not, duncan, for it is a knell that summons thee to heaven or to hell

_she stops and looks at stan, who’s supposed to start the next scene_

[he’s staring at something in his book, a tender look about him]

[ben nudges him, and he snaps out of his dopey trance]

**ben **_whispered_**_:_** now i know there’s nothing that cute about macbeth, what is it?

_stan shows him his book_

ah

**richie:** what’s the hold up, uris?

**stan:** shut up richie

_he launches into the scene_

that which hath made them drunk hath made me bold

what hath quenched them hath given me fire…

[as stan speaks, ben lays across a table]

**bev:** who’s there? what, ho!

**stan:** alack, i am afraid they have awaked.

and ’tis not done…

[bev pretends to stab ben with the foam knife and he screams dramatically, grabbing the hand holding the knife before falling limp]

[stan tries not to laugh as he continues through the scene]

[bev turns around and she has red whiteboard marker all over her hands, pretending it’s blood]

**stan **_trying not to laugh:_ my husband!

**bev **_trying equally as hard_**_:_** i have done the deed

didst thou not hear a noise?

[they break into laughter and bow]

[ben dramatically sits up]

**ben:** i’m ALIVE

[the class applauds and they sit down]

**richie:** i have notes

_the teacher sighs_

**mrs williams:** what is it, richie?

**richie:** ben, your performance was so moving, but the death just wasn’t convincing enough fo-

_eddie has put his hand over richie’s mouth_

**ben:** i will not be taking any criticism at this moment

**bev:** ben’s performance had layers rich you’re just a coward

_eddie makes a noise of disgust - richie licked his palm_

**eddie:** you’re so fucking gross rich!

**my lil chickadee <3 -> my sun and moon <33**

_12:53_

**stan:** i found the drawing you left me

**mike:** the what? the huh????

**stan:** you’re cute

but you made me get all gooey in the middle of our scene

asshole

**mike:** so i shouldn’t draw you things from now on?

**stan:** nO it’s going up on my wall with all your other drawings

i love you it’s so fucking cute

**mike:** mrs williams is gonna take your phone love

i’ll see you at lunch <3

**stan:** i love you!!

**mike:** love you too honey

**ben, bev, stan, richie and eddie**

_13:02_

[richie and eddie have taken the stage, eddie sitting on a table while richie stands on the other side]

[they lock eyes, and richie winks at him]

**richie **_hushed:_ love story, remember?

_eddie rolls his eyes and smiles, and richie turns to the front_

[he loudly clears his throat and turns back around to look at eddie]

**richie:** but soft! what light through yonder window breaks?

it is the east, and juliet is the sun…

[it’s the **balcony scene **from romeo and juliet: richie goes through his soliloquy]

[the class can tell that he doesn’t have to try that hard to act like he’s in love with eddie]

[eddie, although he’s supposed to be unaware of romeo, stares at richie as he delivers the soliloquy, a grin on his face]

**eddie:** o romeo, romeo! wherefore art thou romeo?

deny thy father and refuse thy name

or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love and i’ll no longer be a capulet

[he delivers the lines with such conviction that it takes richie’s breath away]

**richie:** shall i hear more, or shall i speak at this?

**eddie:** tis but thy name that is my enemy

thou art thyself, though not a montague…

[as eddie goes through juliet’s lines, pouring his soul into it, richie is completely and utterly _in love_, his heart doing flips and twists in his chest]

[he doesn’t even realise when eddie’s finished his part and richie is supposed to keep going]

[he’s rendered speechless before he feels a ball of paper smack his face]

[he looks at the room for who could’ve thrown it and sees bev wink at him, holding her phone up, having been recording the performance]

**richie:** oh, uhhh…

i- i take thee at thy word

call me but love, and i’ll be baptized

henceforth i never will be romeo 

[when they finish the scene, richie impulsively pulls eddie into his arms and kisses him quickly, whispering “you’re incredible” into his ear]

[stan boos at the pda and richie subtly flips him off]

[they look up to see ben wiping away a tear and richie pinches his cheek as they go back to their seats]

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_13:28_

**billjamin:** where we lunching boys

**richward:** me and eds are doing…gay things

**bevsha:** did romeo and juliet really make you guys that horny

**mikeley:** hUH

**beniam:** oh to be repressed teens in the elizabethan era

**stanchael:** bold of you to assume that we aren’t repressed teens in the present

**bevsha:** you got us there

**aisherly:** to be fair…romeo and juliet is _very_ sexy

**stanchael:** [gross.vid]

_stan’s walking out of the building to mike’s car_

_he zooms in to one of the tables outside of the building, where eddie is sitting in richie’s lap, arms around his shoulders_

**mike** _off screen:_ is this allowed???

**bevsha:** losers

**billjamin:** stan and mike bastards where are you eating

**stanchael: **pizza place

**billjamin:** don’t leave without me i don’t know how to drive

**mikeley:** we know bill

**bevsha:** ben and aisha with me then?

**aisherly:** yeah baby

_13:45_

**bevsha:** [slurp.jpg] (picture of ben and bill eating pasta lady and the tramp style)

redward this could be us…

**richward:** [fucku.vid]

_video of richie and eddie, still sitting at the bench outside of school_

_richie turns his head and kisses eddie sloppily, to which eddie protests and pushes his face away_

**e:** fucking gross! jesus rich

**r:** you love me really

**e:** no.

**stanchael:** nasty ass

**aisherly:** the question of the Shorts has been answered

richie you are…nasty

**mikeley:** imagine dating richie…couldn’t be me

**billjamin:** unfortunately i cannot say the same

**bevsha:** HA

**beniam:** bill you fool

**richward:** >:(

**stanchael:** mike i love you

**mikeley:** :)!

**edchard:** [immaheadout.jpg]

**richward:** eddie you bitchass liar

[asshole.jpg] (picture of richie and eddie, eddie is very much sitting in richie’s lap, snuggled into his side)

**bevsha:** i’m homophobic

come to the FUCKING pizza place you dickheads

**beniam:** its the RITUAL

**billjamin:** we will NOT waste the god damn opportunity to eat off campus now that we’re seniors

**mikeley:** the intricate rituals you two are missing out on smh

**bevsha:** we need to spaghetti smooch! bastards!

**richward:** we’re coming jeez!

needy ass

**stanchael:** never mind we don’t want you to come anymore

**richward:** mean

**beniam:** facetime us :(

**richward:** yessir anything for you ben i love u

**beniam:** :)

_13:53_

_incoming video call from _ ** _zayn malik _ ** _to _ ** _harry styles_ **

[ben and the others are sitting in a booth in the pizza place - **ben** and **bev** are on the screen]

[**eddie**’s scrolling on his phone, still in **richie**’s lap]

**r:** zayn!

**b:** harry!

_bev squints at the screen_

**bev:** are you assholes still at school?

**e **_looking up:_ yes and?

_ben pouts_

**r:** oh fuck we’ve made him sad

we gotta go eds

_eddie groans_

**e:** but i’m comfyyyyyyy

**r:** but BEN NEEDS US

**e:** fuck…you’re right

_they get up_

**bev**: you guys are gross

_ben has swapped the camera, _ ** _bill _ ** _and bev are on opposite ends of a strand of spaghetti, inching closer together_

**mike:** are we in 8th grade again?

**aisha:** bill’s gonna steal my girl

it’s the jorts, i know it is

**r:** the absolute power of the jorts…

_bill and bev are trying not to laugh, struggling to keep the spaghetti in their mouths_

_their lips brush, and bev takes the last bit of spaghetti_

_they giggle and move back_

**bev:** 13 year old me would’ve just lost it

**bill:** oh to be a repressed lesbian

**bev:** oh to be a repressed bisexual

_they highfive_

**stan:** richie and eddie, you guys are potentially missing out on the chance to kiss any one of us

_bev plants a loud kiss on his cheek_

**r:** I NEED TO KISS BEN

**b:** yeah baby!

hurry up

_eddie snorts - they’ve just gotten into richie’s car_

**e:** stan you’re gonna get a fat kiss

**s:** oh shit…

**e:** pucker up bitch

**r:** too late!

_he swoops into the frame and kisses eddie_

**e **_flustered_**_:_** oh…

_richie starts his car_

**r:** see you guys in a sec!

especially you ben

_he winks_

_call ended_

**bio:** **stan, eddie and aisha**

_14:14_

[the bio lab.]

[**eddie** is staring into a microscope as **stan** and **aisha** stand by]

**eddie:** i think i got it?

_he squints and then pulls out his phone to take a picture_

does that look like mitosis happening to you?

_he hands them his phone and goes back to the microscope_

_stan and aisha stare at the picture_

**aisha **_quietly:_ it’s kinda thicc…

**stan **_bewildered_**_:_ **wh-

_eddie looks up_

**eddie:** what…the fuck

**aisha:** i said what i said!

**stan:** i had to take some time to process that but you know what

you’re right

**aisha:** thank you

_they fistbump_

**stan:** okay, so report now?

**aisha:** i’ll make a doc

[she opens her laptop and creates and shares a google doc with eddie and stan, titled “what if our cells divided  😳 haha jk…unless?”]

[they write up the title, aims and initial hypotheses of the experiment]

[they’re about to get into the method, before-]

**eddie:** stanley uris…

**stan:** what, edward

_eddie looks stan dead in the eyes_

**eddie:** are you serious about that font for the titles

**stan: **uh…yes?

**aisha:** fucking _papyrus_, stan?

i thought you were a man of taste

**stan:** it’s a funky font!

**eddie:** absolutely not, two against one

**stan:** ugh

_eddie changes the font_

**aisha:** okay, times new roman? are we 80?

**eddie:** it’s more professional than _papyrus_

**stan:** feeling very attacked about papyrus

**eddie:** as you should

**stan:** okay consider this: bodoni 72

professionalism of times new roman but it’s a little sexier

_they all look at each other, then aisha highlights the title_

**aisha:** agreement?

_they shake hands, and she changes the font_

**chee <333 -> love of my life <3**

_14:37_

**richie:** what if you… 😳 came to the music room  😳

**eddie:** hmm

why should i

**richie:** because it’s last period and also you love me

**eddie:** you make a strong argument

consider this: i’m in bio and i like the class

**richie:** more than ME? your sexy guitarist boyfriend?

**eddie:** hmm…interesting point there sir

maybe i’ll “go to the bathroom”

**richie:** horrible excuse

teacher’s gonna think you’re dying

**eddie:** what do you want me to say then dumbass

**richie:** consider: you just leave

**eddie:** have you MET me?

**richie:** true

**music: bev and richie**

_14:42_

[the music room.]

[bev fiddles around on the drums - she doesn’t actually know how to play, a rock rhythm is the extent of her ability]

**richie:** i’m getting eddie to come

**bev:** isn’t he in bio?

**richie **_warmly:_ yeah but he loves me

**bev:** fuck yeah

[richie scrolls through his spotify playlist and something clicks in his head]

**richie:** oh shit!

_bev hums in response_

it’s friday

**bev:** it is indeed

**richie:** you know what that means?

[he plays a song and takes bev’s hands, pulling her up to dance]

**eddie**

_14:43_

[eddie walks through the corridor, checking the time as he goes]

[music can faintly be heard at the end of the hall, bringing a soft smile to his face]

[he gets to the music room and recognises the song - memories of mornings spent dancing to this song flood his mind, love surging through his heart]

[friday i’m in love - the cure]

[he pushes open the door, only to be greeted with a giggling **bev** and **richie** dancing and twirling each other]

[bev, noticing him, spins richie around so he can see his boyfriend standing in the doorway, grinning]

**richie:** spaghetti!!

_he drags eddie into a hug and kisses his cheek_

**eddie **_softly:_ you saw me less than an hour ago

**richie:** and it was too long!

_he pulls back and starts to sing along_

_i don’t care if monday’s black_

_tuesday, wednesday heart attack_

_thursday never looking back_

_it’s friday, i’m in love_

[eddie smiles widely and kisses him, before pulling bev in and dancing with her]

[the trio dance together, smiling and laughing]

[because it’s friday and, well, they’re in love]

**baseball practice: stan**

_15:30_

[the pitch.]

[**stan** stretches as **mike** swings the bat around]

**stan **_stretching out his shoulders:_ you’re gonna hit someone if you swing it as recklessly as that

_mike looks at him, raising an eyebrow_

**mike:** you wanna show me how it’s done then?

**stan:** you are such a rom-com loving sap

[mike grins as stan comes up behind him, correcting his stance]

[stan’s heart pounds as if it were their first date all over again]

**mike:** you know, this is what i imagine i don’t dance would be like if disney weren’t homophobic

_stan snorts and steps back_

**stan:** so you’re ryan then?

**mike:** of course!

_he sneaks a quick kiss_

**stan:** c’mon, pitch for me so i can practice my batting

_mike hums the tune of i don’t dance as he picks up a mitt_

[they practice for 15 minutes, stan hitting every ball with ease]

**stan:** you make a pretty good pitcher, hanlon

**mike:** high school musical taught me well

[the coach rounds up the team as they get ready for a practice game]

**coach danforth:** i don’t recall you being apart of the baseball team, michael

**mike:** just watching, sir

**coach danforth:** is that not one of our jerseys?

_mike turns around and points to ‘URIS’ _

i see, well don’t go distracting stanley here

**mike: **i’ll try my best

_he winks at stan, who rolls his eyes, smiling_

**get in loser we’re yearning**

_15:58_

**_mikey uris_**_ added _**_aisha_**

**mikey uris:** lads………i am soft

i may or may not be a home of sexual

**richiey kaspbrak: **old news we’re soft bastards

ah, a newcomer

**aisha:** what’s this

**ben marsh:** basically us being soft for our friends/s.os

**aisha:** i see

hold up

** _aisha _ ** _changed their name to _ ** _aishy marsh_ **

**richiey kaspbrak:** solidarity

**aishy marsh:** love you benny

**benny marsh:** xoxo

anyways what’s going on mikey

**mikey uris:** stan………………

**richiey kaspbrak:** yes what about him

**mikey uris:** he is……..so good at baseball

**benny marsh:** our boy!

**aishy marsh:** [mygod.jpg]

**mikey uris:** you got me there

but deadass that was his coach a hot sec ago

**richiey kaspbrak:** how the fuck did he not know you two are together

**benny marsh:** they aren’t nasty like you and eddie

**richiey kaspbrak:** you can’t be mean to me in this chat benjamin

**mikey uris:** stan doesn’t let me come to practice that much 

says i distract him

**aishy marsh:** because you’re a hottie mike

**benny marsh:** i second that

**richiey kaspbrak:** if you aren’t at least a little bit in love with mike hanlon who are you really

**mikey uris:** awwww guys

oh fuck he just hit the ball

he’s running

guys…

guys i’m soft

**aishy marsh:** oh fuck they were right

homosexuality does kill

**richiey kaspbrak:** rip mike you’ll be missed

**stan and mike**

_16:15_

[the team has started another inning]

[stan steps up to the plate and glances at mike, who’s leaning on the railing, his chin resting in his hands, smiling tenderly]

[mike winks at him and it feels like cupid just shot him straight through the heart]

[the pitcher throws, but stan misses it completely]

**coach danforth:** what was that, uris!

that was an easy homerun!

_stan shoots another glance at mike, who makes a face at him_

[the pitcher throws, but this time stan hits it far and breaks into a run]

[mike cheers and pulls his phone out to record - not that he’d watch it all the time, right?]

[the team continues to play, mike falling further and further in love every time stan comes up to bat]

[when the game finishes stan comes jogging up to mike, who smiles woozily at him]

**mike **_lightly:_hey!

**stan:** you kept distracting me

_he punches mike’s arm _

**mike:** i think i fell in love with you all over again watching that

_stan’s eyes widen and a soft look takes over him_

_he draws mike into a sweet kiss_

**stan **_whispered:_ i love you too

**mike:** maybe you should let me come to practice more often

i could be your trophy husband

_stan chuckles_

**stan:** maybe i will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really took a wholeass month to write this huh...  
welcome back!
> 
> and YES, i DID name the baseball coach after chad from high school musical and WHAT about it
> 
> anyways, if you have any suggestions for things you'd like to see in future chapters, as always, leave them in the comments or on my tumblr! (aahelvede.tumblr.com)   
it would be really appreciated because i am no thoughts head empty all the time
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	21. my responsibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chickadee: billiam we better be invited to the birthday party  
danny phantom: who do you think i am  
bunsolved: thank god  
(gay wheeze): you can keep your rights bill

𝒀𝑶𝑼_'_𝑹𝑬 𝑻𝑶𝑿𝑰𝑪 𝑰_'_𝑴 𝑺𝑳𝑰𝑷𝑷𝑰𝑵 𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹

_3:08_

**bunsolved:** [doumind.jpg]

**lavagay:** no richard

_we _are on drugs

**bunsolved:** shit u right  🤝

what is going on you guys it is matty FUCKING smokes

**lavagay:** today we are smoking WREED

_3:32_

**lavagay:** stanilleiley…

i googled the rules of baseball because i wanted to Get It when we go to your game 

you call parts of the game top and bottom?

stanley uris?? are you a top?

richie fell asleep

coward

anyways i love you stanny im excited for the game

_4:20_

**bunsolved:** ITS 4:20 AM STREAM FINE LINE

fuck you bev i’m awake again

harry styles i love you

_10:25_

**soft michaelangelo:** oh 3am bev…

**sharkbi:** oh the turn tables

and YES richard stream fine line xxx

**soft michaelangelo:** so much just happened

**danny phantom:** ok i can’t BELIEVE you guys smoked without me

**(gay wheeze): **weren’t you grounded bill?

**danny phantom:** yes AND

**(gay wheeze): **understandable have a good day

**lavagay:** BILLIAM IM SORRY

**danny phantom:** its ok i forgive u

**lavagay:** I WILL SMOKE 10 BOWLS WITH YOU

oh i thought i’d have to fight harder for forgiveness

**danny phantom:** stick to ur 10 bowls promise then maam

**lavagay:** [oksir.jpg]

**danny phantom:** thank you maam

**chickadee:** bev i-

so much to unpack there

**sharkbi:** the baseball prodigy jumped out

mike don’t pass out

**soft michaelangelo:** no one talk to me unless you’re stanley uris

**chickadee:** mike shut up i WILL kiss you

**soft michaelangelo:** oh fuck…

**chickadee: **ANYWAYS

innings are split in halves called top and bottom

the away team bats for the first half 

so no

_ technically_ i’m still a bottom during the game

**lavagay:** damn…

**bunsolved:** i could feel the deep sigh through the screen

**soft michaelangelo:** stan i’m in love with you

**sharkbi:** rt

**(gay wheeze):** phat rt

**lavagay:** 3am me truly understood

**bunsolved:** if you aren’t in love with stanley uris FUCK you

**chickadee:** :)

**soft michaelangelo:** i WILL come over and cuddle and maybe kiss you stan

**chickadee:** lame

**soft michaelangelo:** already in my car too late

**lavagay:** group stan cuddle session?

**(gay wheeze): **always

**danny phantom:** i cant  😔

**sharkbi:** fake stan stannie bill

**(gay wheeze):** take this to COURT

**danny phantom:** mothers and fuckers of the jury

i can’t cuddle stan because look at the date

**chickadee:** oh shit…

**bunsolved:** charges have been dropped

**danny phantom:** yeah i’m taking georgie to the mall because he wants sword and shield

**sharkbi:** georgie  🥺

**soft michaelangelo:** our boy…he’s growing

**lavagay:** he’s almost 12! thats fucked up!

**danny phantom:** how dare the passage of time…

**chickadee:** billiam we better be invited to the birthday party

**danny phantom:** who do you think i am

**bunsolved:** thank god

**(gay wheeze):** you can keep your rights bill

**bill and georgie**

_14:26_

[the mall.]

[bill and georgie are wandering around, georgie occasionally dragging his brother up excitedly to stare at something in the window of a store]

**georgie:** what about this!

_bill looks up, considering it, until he notices the price tag_

**bill:** that’s way out of my price range, bud

_georgie pouts and looks around for something else_

didn’t i say i’d find the new pokemon game for you?

_georgie’s face lights up and he races inside the video game store_

[they search through the aisles until they find the pokemon games]

**bill:** okay, sword or shield?

**georgie:** hmm…

_he stares at the two games, a hand on his chin - this is a hard decision_

shield!

**bill:** alright, why don’t you go up to pay, there’s something else i need to get

_he hands georgie enough money for the game before leaving the store_

i’ll be back in a second, stay here so i don’t lose you, alright?

**georgie:** will do, billy!

**winter firegirl -> summer waterboy**

_14:28_

**bev:** holy shit

ben

do you remember

when we were 14 and we thought my aunt and your mom would be cute together

guess what i just fucking walked in on

**ben:** oh my GOD

bev…

are we step-cousins?

**bev:** they didn’t see me come in

so expect a family dinner soon where they break the news

**ben:** we can practice our surprised faces later

we were in the school play when we were 14 we’ll be so convincing 

**bev:** i’m telling eddie this is incredible

_14:31_

** _bev_ ** _ created the chat _ ** _the hanscom-marsh family_ **

** _bev _ ** _added _ ** _ben _ ** _and _ ** _eddie_ **

**bev:** folks…

**eddie:** so no kaspbrak?

actually yeah fuck my mom i’m a marsh now

wait ben

what

i’m confused

**ben:** we think my mom and angie are dating

**eddie:** oh i KNEW IT

angie’s been really happy recently

**bev:** guyssssssss

our lil family  🥺

**ben:** the hanscom-marsh siblings!

**eddie:** that’s us!

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_14:34_

**beniam: **due to personal reasons me and eddie are marshs now

and bev’s a hanscom

**stanchael:** we’ve been knew

**mikeley:** awww benny marsh

**bevsha:** eddie marsh……..

**richward:** that’s eddie marsh-tozier to you

**edchard:** marsh-tozier SHUT UP RICHARD I’LL KISS YOU

haha just kidding…unless?

**richward:** do it pussy

**billjamin:** context?

**bevsha:** wlw……..women do be loving women

**billjamin:** i see

**aisherly:** that’s me babey!

**bevsha:** :)!

**beniam:** what she means to say is that my mom and her aunt are dating

we think

**edchard:** which makes us step-cousins or step-siblings or something

**mikeley:** oh angie and arlene!!

**stanchael:** GOOD FOR THEM.

**richward:** it’s what they DESERVE

**bill**

_14:35_

[build-a-bear.]

[bill’s standing at the cash register, holding a bulbasaur plush toy - a secret extra present for georgie]

**cashier:** that’ll be $15

_bill digs around in his pocket and hands over the money_

**bill:** thanks so much!

[as he leaves build-a-bear to find georgie, he checks his phone and smiles when he reads ben’s text]

[he pushes through the crowds of people milling around the mall to get back to the video game store where georgie would be waiting for him, excited to get home and play the game]

[but it’s not his birthday yet, so bill technically shouldn’t let him open it]

[well, as long as their parents don’t see]

[once he gets to the video game store he glances around, anxiety beginning to swirl around his head]

[it can’t be.]

[not again. no way.]

[his breathing starts to get shallow and he frantically searches the store, desperate for any sign of georgie]

[maybe he’s getting a snack? or he’s gone to the car]

[bill rushes outside, his heart sinking when he sees his car in the lot, empty]

[his vision starts to get hazy - his legs starting to tire from all the running]

[he knows he must look insane right now]

[he leans against a wall and tries to go through the breathing exercises he’d learned at his last session]

[but box breathing won’t fucking work, god damn it!]

[he can almost hear his parents’ panicked voices as if it were that summer and he starts to hyperventilate all over again]

[it can’t happen again.]

[tears prickle at his eyes and it feels like the world is spinning and coming apart]

[guilt claws at him - he can _feel_ it tearing into his skin]

_thisisyourfault thisisyourfault thisisyourfault_

_shouldn’thavelefthim_

_fuck fuck fuck_

[security. he could ask security]

[he knows he’s still shaking as he makes his way to the security desk]

[they’ll think he must have seen a ghost, considering how pale he looks]

[he can hear his stutter coming back as he asks about his brother]

**security guard:** georgie denbrough? i’ll get it on the loudspeaker, alright?

don’t worry, son

_bill nods, still trying to work on his breathing_

[the guard picks up the microphone and bill grabs a seat nearby, bouncing his leg up and down nervously]

[even as the loudspeaker blares the guard’s announcement, anxiety picks at his brain]

[maybe it’s just like last time.]

[or maybe it’s worse - maybe georgie won’t come back this time.]

[he wouldn’t know what to do if that were true, wouldn’t know what his _parents_ would do]

[he’s barely 12, god damn it!]

[the best years of bill’s life were after he’d turned 12, georgie _deserves_ _to live_ and have the same!]

[his head falls into his hands and sobs wrack his body]

_badbrother_

_yourfault_

_failurefailurefailure_

_howcouldyouletthishappen?_

_youweresupposedtoprotecthim_

_badbrother badbrother badbrother_

[someone rests a hand on his shoulder and he almost falls out of his seat]

[he whips his head around and almost wants to cry again when he sees who it is]

**ben:** i heard the loudspeaker announcement

are you okay?

[unable to get any words out, bill collapses into ben, who hugs him so tightly he almost feels okay]

**bill:** what are you doing here?

**ben:** my bill senses tingled

_bill lets out a teary laugh_

**bill: **that sounds gross

**ben:** my mom sent me out to get groceries for the family dinner tonight but i heard the announcement and came straight to find you

what happened? how can i help?

_bill leans against a wall before slumping down to the ground_

**bill:** i don’t know where he could’ve gone - i checked the store a million times, ran down to my car, the convenience store, anywhere he could’ve gone

_his voice wavers_

i have no idea where he is, ben.

what if it’s like last time? 

i’m supposed to keep him _safe_

_ben gets on his knees and sits down next to bill_

**ben **_soothing_**:** it’s not, i’m sure it isn’t

he must have just wandered off

_bill puts his head in his hands, pulling at his hair_

**bill:** he’s MY RESPONSIBILITY!

_his voice falters as tears run down his face_

_ weakly_: he’s my responsibility…

_ben grabs his hand, drawing soothing circles on the back of it_

**ben:** you’ve already talked to security so if anyone finds him, or if he’s heard it, he’ll come

breathe with me, alright?

[they sit silently, taking deep breaths in and out]

[bill sighs, exhaustion coming over him]

**bill:** i can’t do this again, ben, i really can’t

i could barely keep it together when he went missing before

**ben:** babe, you know i’d go plunging back into the sewers with you to find him, but i promise you it’s not gonna come to that

he must have seen something he wanted and ran off to get it, you know how kids are

_he squeezes bill’s hand_

we’ll find him.

_bill shows a hint of a smile coming back to his face_

**bill:** thanks, benny.

**ben:** mike lives nearby, doesn’t he? i’m gonna call him

you’re in no shape to keep looking and i’m not just gonna leave you alone here

_14:58_

_incoming call from _ ** _edgar allben poe _ ** _to _ ** _receipt king_ **

**m:** what’s up benny?

**b:** hey, you aren’t busy, are you?

**m: **no i’m free

what do you need?

**b:** i thought you were with stan?

**m:** yeah i was, he had to go to an extra practice for the game tomorrow

**b:** our baseball boy…

how quickly can you get here?

i’m at the mall with bill, georgie’s gone somewhere and we can’t find him

**m:** oh shit

is bill okay?

**b **_hushed:_he’s freaking out

he was mid-panic attack when i found him

**m:** fuck, alright.

i’ll be there in a few

**b:** thanks, mikey

_call ended_

**bill and ben**

_15:13_

[ben looks over to see bill biting his lip, looking around with restless eyes]

**ben **_softly:_hey

_he puts a hand on bill’s cheek, turning his head to face him_

**bill:** i’m so scared for him, benny

**ben:** i know

let’s try to focus on something else, okay?

_slowly, bill nods_

do you remember when we went to see guardians?

_bill thinks for a second, before rolling his eyes and nodding_

**bill:** you mean when we went to watch despicable me 2

_they laugh, memories of that day flooding back_

**ben:** when bev spilt her popcorn on you!

**bill:** and it was sweet and salty too, it was so sticky

_he shudders at the thought of it_

**ben:** and richie kept singing along to the music

**bill:** when that mom and her kid got mad at him?

_ben laughs and sits up straight, getting ready to imitate her_

**ben **_incredibly over-the-top_**: **umm, excuse me? we’re trying to watch the movie but we can’t hear over your awful screeching!

_they make eye contact before collapsing into laughter_

**bill:** i think eddie’s reaction was what got us kicked out

_imitating eddie: _well i’m sorry, ma’am, but wasn’t it your son wailing like a fuckin animal just a few minutes ago?

i’m sure there’s an age restriction for this movie, so why are you here?

_ben snorts_

**ben:** poor stan and mike, they just wanted to watch the movie

**bill **_grinning_**_:_** they love us

**mike:** i sure do!

[bill and ben turn around to see **mike** standing there, hands in his pockets]

[bill jumps out of his seat, and mike opens his arms to hug him tightly]

[he buries his face into mike’s shoulder and mike gently kisses the top of his head]

**ben:** can i get a mike hug too?

_mike smiles and opens up an arm to let ben into the hug_

**bill:** thanks for being there for me, you two

_mike hums_

**mike:** anytime, big bill

[they stand like that for a little while, ben and mike both kiss bill’s cheeks and in that moment, he’d never had more love for his friends]

[they step back from the hug and bill wipes a tear that had escaped from his eye]

**mike:** okay, you two stay here

i’ll find him, i _promise_

_he squeezes bill’s hand before walking away_

_15:25_

_incoming video call from _ ** _mickey mouse :) _ ** _to _ ** _billy goat!_ **

[ben and bill are still at the table, bill’s phone resting on a box of napkins // mike is walking in the wider area of the mall]

**m:** hey, i’ve been through the first floor but he isn’t there

i’m going up to the second now

**b:** the video game store is on the first floor, y-you’re absolutely sure he wasn’t there?

**m **_disheartened_**:** yeah, i’m sorry billy

_bill’s breathing starts to grow shallow again, ben talks to him softly_

hey, focus in on my voice

you went over breathing exercises in your last session, right?

**b:** uh…yeah, i did

**m:** okay well, trace around your hand with a finger, when you go up i want you to breathe in, and breathe out when you go down again

_bill inhales, closing his eyes as he traces up his thumb_

that’s good

keep doing that for me?

_bill continues to trace around his hand, feeling the tight feeling in his chest start to ease up_

**ben:** better?

_he scoots his chair closer and lets bill rest his head on his shoulder_

**b:** a lot better, thanks guys

**m:** i’m on the escalator now, okay?

he’s close, i can feel it

**b:** i can’t take this for much longer

_his fingernails dig into his palms_

**m: **i promised you bill, you know i never go back on my promises

_ben looks down and lightly pulls bill’s hands open_

[they stay silent for a moment as mike continues to search the floor, time seems to drag on for hours]

**b:** anything?

**m:** shit, i think-

hold on

_mike’s camera cuts out but he can still be heard - he seems to have started running_

**b:** mike?

**m: **i think i saw him!

_bill startles from his position on ben’s shoulder_

**ben:** are you sure?

**b: **he was uhh, he was wearing a blue sweater

**m:** shit! i think it’s him

_he sounds out of breath, but continues to run_

_bill collapses back into ben_

_call ended_

**bill and ben**

_15:39_

[bill bounces his leg up and down, anxiously anticipating mike’s return]

[ben notices this out of the corner of his eye and pulls out his earphones]

[he offers one to bill, who takes it]

**ben:** come on, let’s take our minds off of it for a little bit

**bill:** as long as it isn’t one direction

_ben snorts and chooses a song_

_bill smiles at the soft guitar of wasteland, baby! by hozier_

[they sit together, allowing the music to take over]

[before they know it, **mike** returns]

[he steps aside to reveal **georgie**, who had been hiding behind him]

[bill jumps out of his seat, yanking the earphone out of his ear and almost sending ben’s phone flying off the table]

[not even trying to pretend he was angry, bill surges forward and hugs his little brother, as if holding him tight enough would keep him safe from everything awful in the world]

**georgie **_slightly muffled:_ i’m sorry i made you worry, billy

_bill lets out a wobbly laugh and wipes away the happy tears that had formed_

**bill: **i’m just glad you’re safe, bud

_he hugs him again before deciding to put on the angry older brother role_

however, i did tell you to stay put so i wouldn’t lose you

**mike:** you wanna tell him why you ran off, georgie?

_georgie grins sheepishly before holding up a bag_

**georgie:** i saw this in the music store across the corridor and knew you’d want it

_bill opens up the bag to see a book of sheet music, chopin’s nocturnes_

**bill **_fondly_**: **you didn’t have to get me anything, it’s supposed to be your birthday

**mike:** there’s something else in there, too

_bill looks again, and pulls out a picture frame_

[at first glance it just looks like a wooden frame, but he notices a carving in the corner - the word _LOVER_ that eddie had on a cast so many years ago] 

[ben, bill and mike exchange a glance, tears welling up in all of their eyes]

**bill **_so sincerely it hurts_**:** thank you, georgie

these really mean a lot to me

**georgie:** you’re welcome billy

**bill:** but next time, _please_ don’t run off without me

**georgie:** i promise!

**welcome to the losers club asshole**

_16:53_

**bevsha:** hello my gays and my girl

my aunt and ben’s mom want you guys to come to dinner tonight

**billjamin:** all of us?

**beniam:** yep, all of you

**aisherly: **i’m your girl  🥺

**bevsha:** i love u aish  🥰🥰🥰

**edchard:** 7 at ben’s house!!

**bevsha:** angie said she wanted the _whole_ family to be there

**beniam:** and its not the whole family unless you guys are with us

**richward:** please do not make me cry in this applebees

**stanchael:** bEN I’LL FUCKING CRY

**billjamin:** beat you to it mf

**mikeley:** oh to be all of us crying in an applebees

**richward:** i lied i’m not at applebees

**aisherly:** oh to be all of us crying in a metaphorical applebees

**billjamin:** you guys mean the world to me, you know that?

**bevsha:** of fucking course we do

**beniam:** _RT IF YOU LOVE WILLIAM BILLIAM BILL DENBROUGH_

**mikeley:** RT BABY!

**stanchael:** rt!!!!!!!!!!!

**bevsha:** R

FUCKING

T!

**aisherly:** biggest rt of my life!!!

**richward: **my biggest rs and my biggest ts for our biggest of bills

**edchard: **RT! BITCH!

**billjamin:** we’re gonna get kicked out of our metaphorical applebees for being too lame

i love you guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry for the long ass wait in between this chapter and the last one, i've been having exams and other school related shit
> 
> big brain on bree for going buckwild and giving us the galaxy brain idea of bev's aunt and ben's mum falling in love
> 
> stream fine line xx and as always, feel free to leave suggestions for future chapters :)!


	22. elfrida

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angie: in all seriousness, please take care of yourself today, alright sweetheart?  
spend some time with your brothers  
and feel free to invite aisha over later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's some recreational drug use in this chapter so if that's not something you're okay with, skip past the bill and richie section

**bev**

_9:12_

[the marsh house.]

[sunlight streams in through the thin curtains on beverly marsh’s windows]

[she’s woken up by a voice]

**angie:** bevvie...

_bev groans and stretches_

morning darlin’

_she sees the tray her aunt is holding and a smile comes to her face_

**bev:** what’s this?

**angie:** what does it look like? i made you breakfast

**bev:** why are you being weird?

you’ve never once made me breakfast in bed

**angie:** well, i wanted to make sure you start the day well and don’t just make a bowl of froot loops

also, arlene may have helped with the pancakes

_she places the tray down on bev’s bed_

**bev:** she stayed over last night?

_angie shrugs, grinning_

you’re really serious about her, huh!

**angie:** like you’re much better miss doe eyes

_bev shoves at her aunt _

in all seriousness, please take care of yourself today, alright sweetheart?

spend some time with your brothers

and feel free to invite aisha over later

**bev **_smiling softly**:**_ i will, thanks ang

_angie kisses her forehead before smiling and leaving the room_

[on the inside, a spark of pride washes over bev upon hearing angie call the boys her brothers]

𝒀𝑶𝑼’𝑹𝑬 𝑻𝑶𝑿𝑰𝑪 𝑰'𝑴 𝑺𝑳𝑰𝑷𝑷𝑰𝑵 𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹

_9:25_

**bunsolved:** i am once again asking for your financial support

**chickadee:** what is it this time rich

**danny phantom:** i need you to know that i have no money

**sharkbi:** bbb - big broke bill

**danny phantom:** that’s me babey!

**bunsolved:** i will not elaborate i simply need financial support

**lavagay:** what-

**chickadee:** ah, i see

**soft michaelangelo:** i’ll give you a dollar rich :)

**bunsolved:** michael i will kill and die for you

**sharkbi:** as we all should tbh

**chickadee:** mike i’m in love with you

**soft michaelangelo:** :)

**(gay wheeze): **he probably wants to buy rubies on mario kart or some shit

**bunsolved:** edward…do not expose me like that

**lavagay:** ok honestly valid use of money rich i have like $2 you can have it

**bunsolved:** friendship ended with eddie now bev and mike are my only friends

**(gay wheeze): **but i love you :(

**bunsolved:** do you really tho

**(gay wheeze):** just because i beat you on the new tour damn

**bunsolved:** perhaps

**danny phantom:** discriminating against bbb how dare you

**bunsolved:** bill you’re on thin ice

**danny phantom:** this is why i support bernie he’d fight for my rights

_9:39 _

_incoming video call from _ ** _my sweet aisha -> bevvie my love_ **

[bev is still in bed, bundled under her covers // aisha is laying on her stomach, staring into the camera]

**a:** hey love

**b **_softly_**_: _**hi

**a:** how are you feeling?

**b: **not as bad as i could be

_aisha studies bev’s face, noticing the redness around her eyes_

**a:** have you been crying?

_bev sniffs and wipes her eyes_

**b:** i tried not to

_she pauses, pushing herself into a sitting position_

i just realised it’s been 12 years since her diagnosis

i’ve officially lived more time without her than with-

_she trails off as she feels tears prick at her eyes again_

_aisha feels a tug at her heart_

**a:** i’m _so_ sorry baby

**b:** i think this year it’s hitting me a little harder

because once my mom was gone, for so long all i had was my dad

and we both know what he was like

_aisha hums_

**a:** do you want me to come over later?

**b: **i really would

_she sighs, wiping her eyes again_

**a: **is there anything i can do to make you feel better now?

**b:** hearing your voice is enough for me

_aisha laughs softly_

**a:** even when you’re sad you’re smooth

_bev smiles through her tears_

**b:** i love you

**a:** i love you too, more than anything in the world

i’ll see you later honeydew

_the nickname strikes bev through the heart and she pulls her blanket up to her face to hide the blush spreading across it_

**b **_muffled_**_:_** see you

_aisha blows a kiss through the screen_

_call ended_

**bev**

_9:47_

[bev flops down onto her bed having just hung up with aisha, a loved-up smile on her face]

[she lays there, staring up at her ceiling, where she’d stuck up glow in the dark stars and moons when she was 13]

[she sits back up, glancing at the photos on her wall]

[a photo of her mother.]

[she lingers on it, reliving memories of days at the beach, winter nights bundled up at home, her first day of elementary]

[before everything had gone to shit.]

[the heavy sadness weighing on her chest sinks a little deeper]

[but then she moves on to polaroids of her boys: the picture she’d taken of an unsuspecting richie and eddie, drawings mike or bill had given her through the years, poems ben had written, detailed drawings of birds with neatly labelled features from stan, love notes from aisha]

[in that moment she realises she shouldn’t just spend the day wallowing in the pain of her mother’s sickness, and pushes herself out of bed]

[she finds herself at outside eddie’s bedroom door]

[she pushes it open, where she sees eddie sitting, flicking through a comic book]

**bev:** hey eds

**eddie:** hey

_he looks up, taking notice of her appearance, and puts down the comic before opening his arms_

_wordlessly, she lets eddie wrap his arms around her, and smiles lightly when she feels him press a kiss into her hair_

[they sit together silently, bev drawing patterns on his hand as he continues reading]

**eddie:** you wanna talk about it?

_bev pauses before nodding_

**bev:** today is the day my mom first got diagnosed

**eddie:** oh

_he looks down at her, brushing a strand of hair out her eyes_

i get it

**bev:** i know you do

this was essentially the day my life fell apart all those years ago

_she bites her lip_

but i’ve decided i’d rather spend the day with my real family than spend it pent up in my room dwelling on all the shit my dad put me through after she died

_he brings their joint hands up to his lips and gently kisses hers_

**eddie:** that’s good

**bev:** but anyways, enough of this sad shit

tell me about your comic

is it gay?

_eddie snorts _

[he launches into an incredibly detailed speech about his comic, detouring to rant about storylines he didn’t like or characters he thought should’ve gotten together]

[as he talks, bev lets herself get lost in eddie’s words and laugh at his long rambling explanations]

**bev, stan and mike**

_11:21_

[the library.]

[bev walks in, peering down the aisles until she sees stan and mike]

[they’re sitting together, stan resting on mike as he reads softly to him]

[bev can’t help but snap a picture of them]

**bev:** i knew you two old fuckers would be here

_stan and mike jolt from their spots_

**stan:** WHO the fuck

_he instinctively grabs mike’s arm, ready to protect him, before realising it’s bev and relaxing_

**mike:** bevvie!

_he jumps up to give bev a hug™ with enough love to make her forget all of her pain_

**bev:** hey mikey

_she sits down and picks up the book mike was reading to stan_

you guys are so cute

**stan:** what brings you to a library of all places?

_bev fakes an offended gasp_

**bev:** i know how to read!

**mike:** name one book

**bev: **uh, the very hungry caterpillar, duh

**stan:** shit, she _does_ know how to read

**bev:** i’ll have you know that i came here to find you two

you’re really predictable, y’know

**mike:** awwwwww

_he ruffles her hair affectionately_

now i know it’s gonna be absolutely off the rails now that you’re here so what’s it gonna be today?

[bev acts deep in thought, before a lightbulb seems to go off in her head]

[trying not to laugh, she beelines to the adult section and scans through]

[a mischievous grin comes to her face when she finally finds the book she was looking for]

[she returns to stan and mike and drags them to their favourite section of the library - the part with the bean bags - _the vibe palace _\- as they so humbly called it]

[stan and mike are perched together on a bean bag, stan in mike’s lap]

**bev:** welcome, my boys, to a reading…

_stan raises an eyebrow - bev is still holding the book behind her back_

of fifty shades of grey

**mike:** oh god

**stan **_simultaneously:_oh _yes_

[the sensible, voice of reason person that stanley uris usually is seems to disappear when he’s around bev]

**bev:** i’m just…gonna flip to a random page and read

**stan:** more fun that way

[bev flips the book open, slapping a hand to her mouth to suppress a cackle after seeing the first sentence on the page]

**bev **_barely keeping it together**: **_d- don’t you- _don’t you like the butt drawer?_

_stan snorts, lightly slapping mike’s leg_

_mike looks like his soul has left his body - how is he going to make it through this?_

[bev flips to another page, scans it, and comes to a line that almost brings tears to her eyes]

[she bursts out into uncontrollable laughter and passes the book to stan, wheezing]

**stan:** holy shit

_he clears his throat, turning around in mike’s arms to face him_

firstly, i don’t make love.

[he holds eye contact with mike for a solid 5 seconds, slowly leaning forwards until he can press a soft kiss to his lips]

[not moving, he finishes the quote]

**stan:** i fuck…_hard._

[just as bev thought she could control herself she’s sent back into hysterics]

[stan collapses into a fit of laughter, falling back onto bev, which only makes her laugh harder]

**mike:** who! allowed this! to be published!

[he takes the book from his boyfriend, who is flat on his back with bev, unable to stop laughing]

[he opens it on a random page]

**mike **_lowering his voice_**: “**put the chicken in the fridge” 

_suddenly, stan and bev stop laughing and sit up, confused, their faces flushed from a lack of oxygen_

this is not a sentence i had ever expected to hear from christian, and only_ he_ can make it sound hot, _really_ hot

[they’re silent for 30 seconds until-]

**stan:** she’s right, i’ve never wanted to fuck you more until that one sentence michael

**bev:** ditto

[yet _again_, the three of them break into laughter so unhinged that their stomachs would hurt for the next 24 hours]

[in their insanity, they failed to remember that they were in a public space]

[above them, someone clears their throat]

**the librarian:** you three! out, now!

[the trio struggle to stand up, feeling weak after laughing so fucking much]

[mike returns to his senses, pulling stan and bev up]

**the librarian:** stanley, michael? gosh, what has come over you two?

_she shakes her head, ashamed_

you’re usually so quiet

**mike:** i’m _so _sorry phyllis, it’ll never happen again

**stan:** please don’t ban us?

**bev:** if anything, you should ban fifty shades

that shit is WAY too powerful

**the librarian:** OUT!

[they stumble out of the library, delirious]

**bev:** i don’t think i’ve ever had that much fun in a library

**stan:** anything’s more fun with you around bevvie

_she loops an arm around both of their shoulders despite being the shortest of the three_

**bev:** i do my best to take care of the elderly

_they giggle and bev’s nose scrunches up as they both kiss her cheeks_

i love you two

**mike:** love you marshmallow

**bev and ben**

_13:07_

[the park.]

[bev is laying down with a pair of sunglasses on, staring at the clouds]

[ben is scribbling something down in a notebook]

**bev:** hey, do you think this cloud looks like a dick?

_she points up to it and hands ben her sunglasses_

[he inspects the sky before finding the cloud she was talking about]

**ben:** you know what? yeah, it does

**bev:** _nice._

_ben pulls out a container of home-cooked food and a bottle of iced tea_

**ben:** courtesy of my mom

**bev:** ahhhh, her cooking is so nice

_she smirks_

you know she stayed over last night?

_he laughs_

**ben:** she tried to act all smooth about it, saying that she was staying over because she’d had a few drinks and couldn’t drive home

it’s like i’m the parent

**bev:** oh the turntables

[they eat, ascending to a higher plane of existence, appreciating arlene’s cooking]

_13:28_

[bev has been making a flower crown, weaving another daisy into it as she hums a tune]

[ben rolls onto his stomach and opens his notebook, flipping through the pages until he finds the right one]

**ben:** i’ve written you another poem

**bev:** oh?

_he clears his throat and holds up his notebook up as if reading from a shakespeare script_

**ben: **i’ve tried playing it cool,

but when i’m looking at you,

i can’t ever be brave,

cause you make my heart race.

_she smiles, plucking another flower to add to her crown_

**bev:** that’s nice

**ben: **shot me out of the sky, you’re my kryptonite.

you keep making me weak,

frozen and can’t breathe. 

**bev:** that’s so sweet benny, i love it

_he stares at her, about to laugh_

what?

**ben:** those are the lyrics to one thing by one direction

_bev stares back at him and he can _see _the years coming off her lifespan_

**bev:** i take it back! i take everything i said back!

**ben **_grinning_**_:_ **too late, you’re a directioner now babe

_she puts her head in her hands, faux-distressed_

**bev: **how am i meant to recover from this

**harry styles -> zayn malik**

_13:37_

**ben:** WE’VE DONE IT

**richie:** DONE WHAT WHY ARE WE YELLING

**ben:** BEV CALLED 1D LYRICS POETRY

**richie:** holy SHIT

WE GOT ANOTHER ONE BOYS

**ben: **this is my greatest achievement

**richie:** comrade bev

**ben:** this is so great play one thing by one direction

**richie: **[voice message, 3 minutes 20 seconds: richie singing the entirety of one thing]

**ben:** thank you for your beautiful voice sir

**richie:** stream fine line

**ben:** i will

[comrade.jpg] (ben and bev saluting)

**bev and ben**

_13:42_

_ben hanscom looks down at his best friend and almost-sister with a wistful look about him_

**ben:** i’m really glad i met you, y'know?

i don’t know who i’d be if it weren’t for you

our little family, us and eddie, our bigger family, the losers - it means everything to me

_something about the sincerity in his voice, though they’ve said they love each other so many times, brings a wave of tears to her eyes_

[bev sits up and wraps her arms around him, burying her face into his shoulder]

[he holds her, hoping that all the love he harbours for her would be enough to ease the pain of this day]

[bev leans back, her arms loosely around his neck]

**bev:** i never thought that i’d be someone who was worthy of love

_a tear rolls down her cheek and ben gently wipes it away_

my d- alvin always told me that i was worthless, that i was the reason for my mom’s death

_hearing such awful things brings ben to tears_

**ben:** you’re the world, beverly marsh

_she lets out a watery laugh_

**bev:** i believed him.

but then i stumbled upon these four boys in the pharmacy, who were trying their best to patch up this adorable, poem writing, boy band loving kid outside

_she strokes his cheek lightly_

and we met that sweet boy from the farm, who introduced me to the most amazing girl i’ve ever met

_she wipes her own tears_

after all of that i knew i’d found my home

**ben:** i am so proud of you, and i know she would be too

i’m so glad to call you my family

**bev:** i am too

[ben picks up the flower crown from the blanket and places it on bev’s head]

**ben:** pretty

**bev:** even with all the tears? 

**ben:** of course

**beverlesbian’s sweeeeeet 16**

_14:25_

**benji marsh:** BOYS

**stanny marsh:** ben

you’re a year late on this chat

**benji marsh:** oh yeah

** _benji marsh_ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _beverlesbian love of our lives_ **

** _mikey marsh _ ** _added _ ** _aisha_ **

** richie marsh: ** hello we love beverly marsh

**aisha:** sounds about right

** _aisha_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _aisha marsh_ **

**benji marsh:** ANYWAYS,

today’s been really hard for bev we should do something

**aisha marsh:** yes please

i was gonna go to her house later today anyways but i know she’d love to have you guys around

**mikey marsh:** anything for our girl

**richie marsh:** the financial support i needed this morning may or may not have been to get her a present

**eddie marsh:** rich ur cute i love u

**richie marsh: **fuck me right now edward

**billy boy marsh: **what should we do!

**richie marsh:** bill i already said eddie’s gonna fuck me

**eddie marsh:** i-

**billy boy marsh:** i-

**stanny marsh:** richard shut up we’re appreciating bev

**aisha marsh:** yeah dickhead it’s loving my gf hours

**richie marsh:** i am so sorry

**eddie marsh:** personally i think richie should get the death sentence for this crime

**benji marsh:** agree

**richie marsh:** EDDIE YOU JUST SAID YOU LOVED ME

**eddie marsh:** that was before you disrespected my sister

**billy boy marsh:** what! should we! do! for! our favourite girl! beverly marsh!

**mikey marsh:** dinner!

i’m sure her aunt won’t mind if we all come over

**eddie marsh:** she definitely won’t

besides, she can always spend the night at your place ben ;)

**benji marsh:** u right

**aisha marsh:** my moms……..

**richie marsh:** someone come with me to the record shop

**eddie marsh:** i’ll come with you babe :)

**richie marsh:** what is with you today

first you love me then you sentence me to death

**stanny marsh:** sounds like a typical day to me

**eddie marsh:** i love you chee :)!

**richie marsh:** hm ok i love you too

**aisha marsh:** okay so dinner at the marsh house at 7?

**mikey marsh:** yea!

**benji marsh:** everyone bring something

**stanny marsh:** sir yes sir

**billy boy marsh: **let’s go bev nation

**eddie marsh:** LETS GO LESBIANS LET’S GO

**richie marsh:** HERE WE GO LESBIANS

**aisha marsh: **HERE WE GO LESBIANS COME ON

**benji marsh: **OH MY GOD LESBIANS…LESBIANS

**mikey marsh: **MOVE OUT OF MY WAY

**billy boy marsh: **ROUNDING THE CORNER WITH A BUNCH OF LESBIANS

**mikey marsh:** SCUSE ME LESBIANS COMING THROUGH 

**stanny marsh:** JEWS AND LESBIANS THERE ARE JEWS AND LESBIANS

**richie marsh: **HI JEWS WE’RE LESBIANS

**aisha marsh:** thank you for your allyship

**stanny marsh:** we would do anything for lesbians

**aisha marsh:** as you should.

**MASSIVE slut -> beverlesbian**

_17:14_

**bill:** hey ;)

**bev:** no i won’t suck your dick

**bill:** well god damn it that was exactly what i was gonna say

**bev:** foiled once again bill denbrough

**bill:** ok meet me and rich at the supermarket we need to go grocery shopping

**bev:** together? at 5?

**bill:** of course you’re my emotional support dummies

**bev:** wow, honoured

**bill:** also i have a blunt

**bev:** COUNT ME IN BIG BILL

**bill:** ok get there in 10

**bill, richie and eddie**

_17:18_

[outside the record store.]

[bill arrives just as richie and eddie are leaving the store, hands intertwined]

**eddie:** i think she’ll love it, babe

_he kisses richie’s cheek quickly_

**richie:** really?

so what you’re saying is, my music taste is impeccable?

_eddie rolls his eyes_

**eddie:** i guess i am

_richie grins and wraps his arms around eddie’s midsection, peppering sloppy kisses on his face_

_eddie makes a grossed out noise_

you're like a fucking dog!

_bill walks up to them, hands in his pockets, waiting for the pda to end_

**bill:** hey assholes, we’re supposed to be meeting bev in 10 minutes

**richie:** SHIT

_he fumbles with the bag containing bev’s gift trying to get his phone_

**eddie:** careful! we just spent $80 on that!

[richie turns to face eddie, putting on his best puppy eyes]

[bill scoffs, leaning against the wall of the record shop, ready to watch the show]

**richie:** eddie my love, my dearest darling lovebug, would you do me the tiniest favour?

_eddie folds his arms, raising an eyebrow in mock annoyance_

[ <strike> richie had never used those nicknames before and eddie was trying to act like it didn’t make him melt a bit inside </strike> ]

**eddie:** you want me to bring this home so she doesn’t see it?

_richie makes a sweet, pleading face_

y’know, you’re depriving me of time with bev, but fair enough, i live with her

and i was gonna go home anyways to help angie with dinner

**richie:** thank you so much i love you

_eddie presses a lingering kiss to richie’s lips_

**eddie:** don’t have too much fun without me, asshole

[and with that, he’s gone]

[richie smiles all woozily as he watches eddie walk away]

[bill glances at richie and almost has to throw up at how in love he looks]

**bill:** how’s he…gonna get home

**richie:** oh,

**bill:** he can just get a bus

_he drags richie to his car_

come on, or we’ll be late

**richie:** did you drive here?

**bill:** somehow

**richie:** proud of you big bill

_bill shoves him_

**bill:** you drive

**richie:** i’m glad you trust me with your life sir

**bill:** well, you didn’t manage to get us killed on the roadtrip so i’ll let you have this one

**bev**

_17:29_

[the supermarket.]

[she’s alone in the parking lot, listening to music]

[she jumps back as a car suddenly pulls into the lot, doing a donut before **bill **and **richie **step out of it]

**bev:** are you already high?

_richie claps her on the shoulder_

**richie:** we wouldn’t dare do that to you madam

**bev:** okay good

_bill digs around in the pockets of his hoodie before fishing out a blunt_

**bill:** ok mothers and fuckers, grocery time

[they find an empty playground nearby, sitting in the jungle gym]

[bill lights it up, taking a drag before passing it around the trio]

[richie scrolls through his phone before clicking on his ~wavy~ playlist]

[bev lets herself get lost in that free feeling of being high, falling into a comfortable silence as is standard when she smokes with bill and richie]

[she lays back so she’s slightly down the slide, staring up at the sunset, smiling at the small beauties of her life]

[bill and richie start snickering and she sits up, confused]

**bev:** what?

_they keep laughing and its infectious - she starts giggling too_

**bill:** i just thought, everything is so fucking weird like…isn’t it fucking crazy that we have billions of tiny cells in our bodies?

i wanna hang out with those dudes, smoke a bowl with them

_richie had been in the middle of taking a hit, coughing and wheezing at the same time_

**richie:** what the fuck???

aren’t you smoking a bowl with them every time?

**bill:** shit…

_they all stare at each other, dazed, before laughing again_

[richie jumps up, almost falling over]

**richie:** okay my humble dipshits, lets go get some fucking groceries

_he pulls bev up, who stumbles before pulling bill up too_

[they walk back to the supermarket, arms around each other's shoulders and tripping each other up, almost falling, their laughter resounding throughout the empty parking lot]

[richie holds the two back just as they’re about to walk in]

**richie:** hold up, vibe check

_he stares at bev and bill, squinting_

your vibes, maam?

**bev:** effervescent

_he nods solemnly and then turns to bill_

**richie:** and you?

_bill stares at him blankly_

**bill:** no head thoughts empty

_richie stares him down before seeing something out of the corner of his eye_

**richie:** SO NO HEAD?

[he turns on his heel and jumps on a wooden plank that had been leaning on the curb of the sidewalk, failing to split it and almost falling flat on his face]

[bev bursts out into delirious laughter]

**richie:** billiam you’ve failed the vibe check

_he pulls out a pair of sunglasses from his bag_

your eyes are looking a little red 

**bev:** are you seriously using eddie’s fanny pack, rich

**richie:** he has influence!

i think it’s kind of a look

**bev:** you know what, yeah

_bill takes the sunglasses and puts them on, grinning_

**bill: **let’s get some FUCKING groceries

[in a perfect coincidence, **the tide is high** by **blondie** had started playing just as they walked in]

**bev:** oh INCREDIBLE vibes

**richie:** HELL yes

[bill pulls up a shopping cart and bows, gesturing for bev’s hand]

**bill:** madam

_she takes it and the boys help her into the cart_

**bev:** thank you sirs

_bill is about to start pushing the cart, but not before richie jumps onto the front_

**richie:** up, up and away big bill!

_rolling his eyes but still smiling, bill pushes them into the snacks section_

_17:53_

[the bread aisle.]

[bev is still in the cart, with various foods surrounding her]

**bev:** y’know, you never said why you needed groceries at 5 in the afternoon

**richie:** sometimes you just need a snack!

**bev:** well with everything you guys are buying it seems like you’re making a fucking feast

**bill:** richie gets hungry

**richie:** munchies!

_she digs around in the cart_

**bev:** this is a wholeass ham

**bill:** munchies!

[before bev can call them idiots, **karma chameleon **by **boy george** starts playing and they all look at each other with widened eyes]

**richie:** FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHH

_he takes the cart from bill and starts running_

**bev:** RICH I SWEAR TO GOOOOOOOD

_bill watches them go, shrugs and picks something off the shelves before attempting to catch up with them_

[as they stand in line at the cashier, bev looks windswept, like she’s about to throw up, while richie looks like he’s just had the time of his life]

[bill finally catches up to them, looking spaced out as he places a jar of skippy’s peanut butter on the conveyor]

[the cashier stares at them before sighing and starting to ring up their items - same shit as always]

[once they’ve paid, richie hops onto the front of the cart again and bill pushes them out]

**richie:** i have a brilliant idea

let’s steal this fucking cart

_bill weighs it up in his head before thinking _‘fuck it’ _and speeding up_

**bev:** are you serious!

**bill **_simultaneously_**_:_** WHEEEE!

[bill breaks out into a run, pushing them out of the parking lot]

[bev has resigned herself to her fate, screaming as bill pushes them down a hill]

[richie whoops and yells as they reach the bottom]

[they get so far before any of them realise that something’s missing]

**richie:** c’mon, we’re going to your house, bev

**bev:** my house?

**richie:** yeah!

i bet it didn’t even occur to you that all this food was for a giant dinner at your house

_he jumps off the cart and folds his arms, smug_

**bev:** oh i put that together when you blurted it out in the supermarket

i didn’t even ask again you just said it

**richie:** FUCK

**bill:** uhh…guys

we left my car

[they stand at the bottom of the hill, dead silent]

**richie:** well shit

_19:03_

[outside the marsh house.]

[after making the gruelling journey of pushing the shopping cart back up the hill to the supermarket parking lot, probably dropping a few things along the way, bill, bev and richie have finally arrived at her house]

[bill and richie stand on the doorstep, turning to face bev]

**richie:** okay so, you aren’t supposed to know about this

**bill:** so it’s important that you act surprised

_bev nods, stretching and shaking out her body_

**bev:** ok, i’m an actor

**bill:** we were in the play one time when we were 10

**bev:** and?

**bill:** ok damn go off

**richie:** she did make a very convincing macbeth

_she winks at him_

[bev opens the door and is greeted by** aisha** leaping into her arms and kissing her]

[the momentum of it almost sends her flying to the floor, richie and bill catching her before she can do so]

**bev **_dazed:_ hey!

_aisha kisses all over her face_

**aisha:** hi

[aisha steps back and once they enter the house, **stan**, **mike**, **ben** and **eddie **jump out yelling ‘SURPRISE!’]

**bev:** wow, ugh you guys, i’m so surprised!

_stan eyes richie_

**stan:** you told her, didn’t you

**richie:** in my defence, your honour, i was stoned as shit

_stan scoffs, but comes to give bev a hug_

[the others follow in suit and give bev the biggest and most loving group hug possible]

[surrounded by those that love her most, she feels at peace]

**the losers**

_19:46_

[the dinner table.]

[the marsh household is full of warmth and love, the losers cramped around a table that’s not used to having so many guests]

[bev is almost sitting on eddie’s lap with how close they’re sitting]

[everyone laughs at something richie says]

[ben clinks his glass as if he were a person about to make a speech at a wedding]

**ben:** i just wanted to toast to bev

_everyone turns to look at her, smiling brightly_

_aisha and eddie grab her hands_

we know that today’s been hard, baby girl, and we’re so grateful to have you with us, and glad that we’re been a comfort for you today

**the losers:** to bev!

**eddie:** we love you so much bevvie

**bill:** you’re the coolest girl in the world

[she feels tears start to prick at her eyes]

**mike:** let’s also toast to elfrida, the woman who brought such an incredible person to us

_they lift their glasses_

**the losers:** to elfrida!

_bev lets out a choked sob_

**bev:** to you, mom

_they clink glasses, bev lets out a watery laugh as some of the wine spills into the dish below_

[eddie squeezes her hand and aisha rests her head on her shoulder]

**bev:** thank you guys, for everything

you don’t know how much it means to me to have so many people who i know genuinely love me

and even though you were involved in the cooking, aish, it’s amazing

**aisha:** hey!

**stan:** it was a hundred percent mike mastercheffing all of this

_bev blows a kiss at mike across the table, who catches it and throws it back_

**mike:** everything i know i learned from the bon appétit test kitchen

**bev**

_20:37_

[the front porch of the marsh house.]

[bev is sitting alone on the swing she and angie had installed a month after she’d moved in]

[she can hear the music playing inside and the laughter of her friends]

[she wishes there wasn’t just the smallest bit of her feeling down, but there is]

[hypotheticals drift into her head - she pictures her mother sitting inside with them, smiling and endeared by her friends’ antics]

[but none of that can happen.]

[she’s brought out of her thoughts by **mike** sitting down next to her]

**mike:** i noticed you come out here, i wanted to make sure you’re okay

you can tell me anything

_she sighs, leaning her head on his shoulder_

_he puts an arm around her_

**bev:** i know i said i’ve had a good day today

it’s just…i don’t know why i still feel sad

_he draws circles on her shoulder with a thumb_

i keep wondering what it would be like if she were still here

**mike:** i think about that kind of stuff too

even when i was with stan on that day, i still had this lingering sadness

i don’t really know what we can do about it, i think part of us will always wonder what could’ve been

_she grabs his free hand_

**bev:** i at least know that this year has been the best out of others

other years i just stayed in bed all day

**mike:** that’s good then, as long as you can keep going

**bev:** i know i can, if you guys are with me

_he grins and bumps her lightly_

**mike:** sappy

_she laughs_

**bev:** only for you

[they sit together, pushing the swing lightly before **richie** bursts through the door]

**richie:** oh shit is this a moment

**bev:** maybe

_he takes a seat on her other side_

**richie:** you okay?

**bev:** little better

**richie:** well c’mon, little miss! i’ve got something for you

_he ruffles her hair before standing up and offering a hand_

[he pulls bev and mike up, throwing an arm around their shoulders as he leads them back inside]

[they can’t all go through the door at once]

[richie pulls bev into a dance when they’re inside again]

[it was something they’d practiced once when they were 15, neither of them were very good, even when they’d first learned it]

[they stepped on each others’ feet and forgot the proper moves, but a smile didn’t leave their faces the entire time]

[the song winds down and they bow to enthusiastic applause]

**richie:** okay, present time

_eddie ducks into his room to get the present_

we all chipped in apart from bill because he doesn’t love you

**bill:** HEY-

i bought the wrapping paper

**bev:** its okay bill i love you

_she opens the present and looks up at the others, shocked_

how much did this cost!

**ben:** our love for you is priceless

_she shoves him lightly_

**bev:** thanks, guys, this is fucking incredible

[it’s two vinyl records: **after laughter** by **paramore** and **be the cowboy** by **mitski**]

**bev and aisha**

_23:20_

[bev’s bedroom.]

[the boys had left, eddie had decided to stay over at richie’s, winking at her as he went]

[the light is low - bev and aisha are slow dancing, humming softly to** two slow dancers** from the mitski record, content in each other’s embrace]

[aisha kisses bev’s cheek and twirls her as the music swells]

[bev giggles as she spins before getting caught in aisha’s arms again]

[she stares, star-struck, at the grin on aisha’s face]

**bev:** you’re so beautiful

_aisha flushes and looks away_

**aisha:** you’re the most

_she tackles bev onto the bed_

**bev:** and you’re sporty? i really found the perfect girl

**aisha** _teasing:_ i knew you only come to my volleyball games to drool over me in my uniform

**bev:** i am DEEPLY invested in the sport of volleyball

**aisha:** tell me one rule

_bev stares at her blankly and aisha giggles_

**bev:** i _do_ know that you’re the most talented one on that team

_aisha covers her face, flushing_

**aisha:** stop complimenting me or i’ll have to kiss you

**bev:** is that a challenge?

_she inches her face closer to aisha’s_

you’re so amazing i’m the luckiest girl in the world to have you

_aisha cups her face and kisses her_

**aisha:** i love you

_they lay facing each other, foreheads together_

**bev:** i love you too

_00:35_

[they’re cuddled under the sheets and bev is almost asleep until-]

**aisha:** can i tell you something? this may or may not result in us breaking up

_she turns in bev’s arms_

**bev:** huh?

did you cheat on me or something? kill someone?

**aisha:** i…i…

**bev:** aish?

**aisha **_whispered:_ i listened to one direction unironically yesterday

like, without ben and richie telling me to

_bev gasps, scandalised_

**bev:** and _i’m_ the one that gets removed from the taste groupchat

_aisha laughs_

**aisha:** okay babe, hear me out

_bev clutches at her pillow_

**bev:** i am. horrified.

**aisha:** some of their songs? really fucking cute

made me think of you

**bev:** okay solid argument

relationship isn’t doomed yet

**aisha:** so i was listening and i thought, you know what? poetry!

**bev:** okay, i agree, ben read me a verse and i thought it was pretty cute

**aisha:** right? poetry!

[aisha picks up her phone and searches something up]

[an acoustic guitar starts playing and aisha sits up on her knees, holding her phone like a microphone]

[aisha starts singing and bev sits up, holding the pillow to her chest]

[she's not 100% certain of the lyrics but still sells it, swaying and giggling]

[she gets to the pre chorus and bev is entranced]

**aisha:** okay here’s the poetry coming up

t_he story of my life, i take her home_

_i drive all night to keep her warm and time_

_Is frozen_

[bev realises she’d never heard aisha sing and she is head over heels in love]

[aisha brings a hand to bev’s cheek, stroking it lightly before she keeps singing]

_the story of my life, i give her hope_

_i spend her love until she's broke inside_

_the story of my life_

**bev:** just as i thought, you’re an incredible singer too

is there anything you can’t do?

_aisha comes to sit in bev’s lap_

**aisha:** well for one, i don’t know all the words to this song so unfortunately the show’s over

_bev pouts_

**bev:** but i was enjoying it so much!

**aisha:** i’ll put on a concert for you one day

as long as you never tell richie and ben about this

i could never live it down

_bev extends a pinky finger and aisha locks theirs together, bringing them up to her lips_

**bev:** promise

i have to admit that those are some soft ass lyrics

**aisha:** i’d drive all night to keep you warm

_bev laughs breathily_

**bev:** you barely passed your driver’s test last week

**aisha:** i still would, though!

_bev leans up and kisses her, smiling_

**bev:** i love you so much, loser

**aisha:** i love you more

elfie would be so happy to see how fucking cool and wonderful you are

i wish i’d known her

**bev:** she was the most incredible woman

she’d have loved you

_they’re silent for a moment_

_aisha brings bev's hands up and kisses them before staring into her eyes_

**aisha:** you’re amazing, you know that?

you've survived through all of this awful shit and you're still so loving

_bev holds her close_

**bev:** i like to think that's her living on within me

**aisha:** i'm sure it is

[aisha kisses her forehead]

[they drift off to sleep and beverly marsh feels at peace.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as i upload this i'm realising that its international women's day today so happy birthday women! complete coincidence that my bev-centric chapter happened to be done by today
> 
> i think this might be my longest chapter yet at a phat 6,000 words so i hope that makes up for the delay :)
> 
> hot take: the biggest character development in this fic is mine and the losers' ongoing relationship with one direction (that story of my life bit is just straight up inspired by me watching the IT parody musical and thinking the song slapped)
> 
> i'm considering moving back towards text-based chapters because i realise i've been going ham on the real time stuff and kind of losing the fact that this is first and foremost a gc fic. let me know if there's any scenarios you can think of that you'd like to see!
> 
> as always, find me on tumblr at aahelvede.tumblr.com :)


	23. the entire circus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chickadee: guys we’re gonna have to beat bill up in the sewers 😔  
lavagay: and now…i’m gonna have to kill this fucking cl*wn  
(gay wheeze): [imsorrybigbill.gif]

𝒀𝑶𝑼’𝑹𝑬 𝑻𝑶𝑿𝑰𝑪 𝑰'𝑴 𝑺𝑳𝑰𝑷𝑷𝑰𝑵 𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹

_10:34_

**(gay wheeze):** bill i can’t believe you got detention when we’ve been planning this night out for weeks

**danny phantom:** I’M SORRY I JUST WANTED TO WEAR THE SHORTS TODAY

didn’t realise we had another god damn practical today

and that it was the third time i’d done it

**lavagay:** bill’s sluttiness has yet again ruined us

**danny phantom:** my ass just deserves to be seen

**chickadee:** your ass cost us a good fuckin dinner

** _soft michaelangelo_ ** _ changed the chat name to _ ** _circus type beat_ **

**chickadee:** guys we’re gonna have to beat bill up in the sewers  😔

**lavagay:** and now…i’m gonna have to kill this fucking cl*wn

**(gay wheeze):** [imsorrybigbill.gif]

**danny phantom:** oh FUCK

**bunsolved:** michael…you mean…

**soft michaelangelo:** yes

**(gay wheeze):** ALL EYES ON ME IN THE CENTRE OF A RING JUST LIKE A CIRCUS

**bunsolved:** thank you so much spaghetti you’re the love of my life

**(gay wheeze):** ;)

**sharkbi:** WHEN I CRACK THAT WHIP EVERYBODY GON TRIP JUST LIKE A CIRCUS

**chickadee:** DON’T STAND THERE WATCHING ME FOLLOW ME SHOW ME WHAT YOU CAN DO

**soft michaelangelo:** EVERYBODY LET GO WE CAN MAKE A DANCE FLOOR JUST LIKE A CIRCUS

**bunsolved:** thank you britney warriors

**lavagay:** the gay agenda

**danny phantom:** stop oppressing me using britney this is homophobia

**(gay wheeze):** bill you are the entire circus

** _bunsolved _ ** _changed the chat name to_ ** _ circus type beat (produced by britney)_ **

**bunsolved:** i love you billy

**danny phantom:** you’re the worst

and FUCK you richard you and bev are in detention too it’s not just me

**lavagay:** we just HAD to laugh

**bunsolved:** honestly who’dve thought callahan would ever actually get mad at us usually he just fakes annoyance

**lavagay:** we’re endearing

**danny phantom:** you guys were laughing for 10 minutes straight

**lavagay:** IT WAS FUNNY

**chickadee:** ok yeah bill bev and richie don’t deserve rights

**(gay wheeze):** rt

**soft michaelangelo:** rt…

**sharkbi:** rt

but ok guys

you know what this means

**(gay wheeze):** what is it benny

**sharkbi:** we should all try to get into detention

so we can all be together :)

**chickadee:** oh HELL yeah i’ve seen icarly

**danny phantom:** season 1 episode 19 igot detention (2008, colourised)

**soft michaelangelo:** ben you are the most adorable person on this earth

**sharkbi:** i am aware 

**lavagay:** ben hanscom lovers club who’s in

we meet every thursday to wax poetic about love of our lives ben hanscom

**bunsolved:** ME

**(gay wheeze):** ME TOO

**chickadee:** obviously!

**soft michaelangelo:** i’m a lifelong member babey!!1!

**danny phantom:** i’m the president of the club as his husband in our marriage pact

**sharkbi:** i love u guys

**(gay wheeze): **how are we meant to get in tho

**bunsolved:** idk just shout fuck or something

_11:11_

**chickadee:** i’m in

**lavagay:** that was fast

**soft michaelangelo:** he shouted fuck really loud in the hallway because he dropped a textbook on his foot

**(gay wheeze):** my god

**chickadee:** that shit hurted man

there were like three teachers in the hall and i think someone in a classroom heard it

**danny phantom:** comrade

**lavagay:** i love you stanley

**sharkbi:** so it’s just me, mike and eddie now

**(gay wheeze):** count me out

**lavagay:** EDDIE

**bunsolved:** edward kaspbrak-marsh-hanscom-tozier…………

**chickadee:** eddie why do you hate us

**(gay wheeze):** okay listen

i’m pretty sure detention gets on your permanent record and i wanna get into universities man i can’t have detention on my record i hjdgnksjwhsjdnfjcnskn

**danny phantom:** he just dropped his phone

**chickadee:** ok there’s no way that’s true

**lavagay:** we’ll sneak eddie in like in icarly

**bunsolved:** haha (fr)eddie

**chickadee:** richie tozier you’re the funniest person alive.

**bunsolved:** haha thanks

**danny phantom:** the full stop…violence

**soft michaelangelo:** you know what? eddie and freddie are kinda similar

**(gay wheeze):** explain.

**bunsolved:** everyone please stop using pucnutoaitnion

**lavagay:** ah, the return

**bunsolved:** please i am just fragiel

**sharkbi:** you know what, i see it

overbearing mother, father that walked out, hopeless crush on his childhood best friend

**danny phantom:** holy shit

**soft michaelangelo:** right!

**(gay wheeze):** father that walked out ZOINKS! YOU GOT ME THERE!

also is richie carly or sam in this scenario

**lavagay:** hmmmmmmmmmm

**bunsolved: **i think i’m more of a spencer

**sharkbi:** okay yeah fair enough you set stuff on fire way too often

**chickadee:** if we’re assigning icarly kins bev is a sam

absolutely off the shits at all times

**lavagay:** please do not call it that

**danny phantom:** government assigned icarly kins

**lavagay:** PLEASE DO NOT CALL IT THAT

**sharkbi:** GUYS.

WHILE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC OF ICARLY

**bunsolved:** oh my god

of course

**danny phantom:** oh god

**(gay wheeze):** oh no

**sharkbi:** do you all remember

**bunsolved:** the most ambitious crossover

**sharkbi: **a piece of cinematic history

**lavagay:** oh god oh fuck

**bunsolved:** aka icarly season 6 episode 2

**sharkbi:** igo one direction

**soft michaelangelo:** god DAMN IT

**chickadee:** i don’t know what i expected

**bunsolved:** yOU’RE INSECURE

**sharkbi:** DON’T KNOW WHAT FOR

**(gay wheeze):** shut up

i’ll just climb through a window

**chickadee:** he does have years of experience

**lavagay:** fuck s*nia’s rights

**chickadee:** rt

**soft michaelangelo:** rt

**sharkbi:** rt

**danny phantom:** rt

**bunsolved:** r fuckin t man

**(gay wheeze):** yeah.

_12:43_

**soft michaelangelo:** [hetried.mp4]

_a video taken during history: the teacher is collecting homework but when she gets to ben, he leans back in his chair and folds his arms in an attempt to look nonchalant_

**ms walker: **and you?

_ben looks her straight in the eyes and shrugs_

**b:** didn’t do it

**ms:** and why is that?

**b **_failing to sound cool:_ because i’m a bad bitch

_mike flips the camera briefly - him and bill are trying their hardest not to burst out laughing_

**ms:** okay, weird answer

_she sighs_

just do it for tomorrow, alright?

_ben looks up at her, confused_

**b:** you’re not gonna give me detention?

**ms **_equally confused:_ do you _want_ me to?

**b:** umm…yes

**ms:** then fine, detention

**b **_under his breath_**_:_** nice

_the video cuts as bill and mike start cackling_

**lavagay:** oh ben

sweet ben

**bunsolved:** because i’m a BAD bitch

**(gay wheeze):** ben you are a bad bitch ur right

**chickadee:** incredible

**sharkbi:** hey at least i got in

**soft michaelangelo:** ben i love you so much

**danny phantom:** ok yeah

👀 eddie

**(gay wheeze):** hey man fuck you

**bunsolved:** you’re cute eddie :)

get you a boy who cares about his permanent record  😌

**(gay wheeze):** fuck you bitched i only love richie

**lavagay:** bitched

**danny phantom:** bitched

**sharkbi:** bitched

**chickadee:** bitched

**soft michaelangelo:** bitched

**bunsolved:** bitched  <strike> i’m sorry i love u </strike>

**lavagay:** get his ass

**(gay wheeze):** FUCK YOU GUYS! FUCK YOU!

rich you’re on thin ice  <strike> i love u too </strike>

** _danny phantom_ ** _ changed _ ** _(gay wheeze)_ ** _’s name to _ ** _bitchéd_ **

** danny phantom: ** this is payback for u bullying me before

**bitchéd:** bill you are the bane of my existence

**danny phantom: **i don’t know what that means ;)

**lavagay:** i-

**sharkbi:** bill…

**soft michaelangelo:** bill denbrough is a himbo discuss

**bunsolved:** agree

**sharkbi:** full of love, dumb as shit, supporter of lesbians

i think he qualifies

**danny phantom:** i’ll take that

@ bev i love u :)

**lavagay:** known lesbian activist bill denbrough

**bitchéd:** i hate you bill but at least you support lesbians

** _bunsolved _ ** _changed their name to _ ** _bichárd_ **

**sharkbi:** woah

**chickadee:** solidarity

**bitchéd:** i love u rich :)

**bichárd:** i love u too :)

**lavagay:** that’s love babey!

**danny phantom:** my power

**chickadee:** mike babe ur the last one that needs to get in

**soft michaelangelo:** shit u right

**my sun and moon <33 -> my lil chickadee <3**

_13:56_

**mike:** okay so

**stan:** i’m assuming you didnt get detention?

**mike:** listen…………

i had this whole plan to be a little shit in class but i couldn’t bring myself to do it

**stan:** you’re so cute i love you

**mike:** 😔

i love you too

**stan:** you just have respectfulness in your genes

**mike:** yeah sounds about right

**stan:** it’s fine you and eddie can just sneak in

**mike:** ok yeah

**stan:** am i a bad boy type now that i’m a detention kid

**mike:** oh definitely

and i’m the new kid that falls hopelessly in love with you

or in other words, hopelessly devoted to youuu

**stan:** am i john travolta now

sAHndy

**mike:** yeah

tell me bout it, stud ;)

**stan:** you’ve seen grease too many times

**mike:** and whose fault is that?

**stan:** touché

**circus type beat (produced by britney)**

_14:24_

**soft michaelangelo:** it is with my biggest of my bads that i announce that i didn’t get into detention

**danny phantom:** f

**lavagay:** f

**sharkbi:** f

**chickadee:** f

**bichéd:** f

**bichárd:** f

uck you

**chickadee:** hey :(

don’t be mean to mike

**bichárd:** :/

**chickadee:** sir you don’t have all the facts

**lavagay:** which are?

**chickadee:** i love him

**sharkbi:** case closed mike can go free

**soft michaelangelo:** wow stan you saved my life what can i do to repay you

**chickadee:** kiss me :)

**soft michaelangelo:** okay will do

**bitchéd:** i’m homophobic

**lavagay:** ok anyways

mike and eddie you whores need to figure out a way to get into detention

**soft michaelangelo:** who’s supervising

**danny phantom:** i think it’s old ass mrs flores

**bitchéd:** aw she’s so cute

**bichárd:** she’ll probably be doing her crosswords so i doubt she’ll notice two extra people in detention

**sharkbi:** idk which classroom we’ll be in so you’re gonna have to come in through the main entrance

**bitchéd:** hmmmmmm

**chickadee:** security guard’s probably still gonna be there so you might have to distract her

**bitchéd:** oh fuck mike you’re gonna have to do it she’s gonna know i’m gay the second i try to talk to her

**lavagay:** eddie gayass

**bitchéd:** yeah  😔

**soft michaelangelo:** ok true

**bichárd:** that’s bound to work mike is mad charming

**danny phantom:** rt

**chickadee: **i would know

**lavagay:** shut up stan gayass

**chickadee:** :(

**soft michaelangelo:** i love you chickie

**chickadee:** :)

**sharkbi:** if you aren’t in love with mike hanlon fuck you!

**chickadee:** almost 5 years strong babey!

**soft michaelangelo:** we’ve only been together for 3 and a half tho

**chickadee:** bold of you to assume i wasn’t in love with you since the day we met

**soft michaelangelo:** STOPP I’LL CRY

**danny phantom:** our dads…

**lavagay:** catch mike bustin out of history to make out with stan

**sharkbi:** he just left the room

**danny phantom:** can confirm

**bichárd:** the power of gay love…

**bitchéd:** we’re in study hall mike xo

**soft michaelangelo:** due to personal reasons i will have to

🚶♂️

**danny phantom:** GET SOME STANNY

**chickadee:** oh shit  😳

**bitchéd:** [gayrights.mp4]

_a video of aisha, stan and eddie in the library, eddie’s phone propped up on aisha’s laptop_

_stan is pretending to look calm as he writes something down_

_eddie moves his chair and stares at the door, aisha is stifling a laugh_

**e:** so, stanley, how’s your day been?

**s:** shut upppp

** _mike_ ** _ comes through the library doors and makes a beeline towards stan_

_eddie and aisha hold each other as they watch _

_mike pulls stan up and cups his face, staring into his eyes, before kissing him_

**m **_quietly:_ i love you

_stan kisses his cheek before burying his face in mike’s shoulder_

_eddie and aisha coo at them_

**lavagay:** i just gained 10 years on my life span

**danny phantom:** someone please date me

**sharkbi:** same  😔

**bichárd:** the absolute power of stan and mike our usual pda-free kings

**chickadee:** :)

**soft michaelangelo:** :)

**disaster gay 1 -> sunflower vol. 6**

_15:31_

**eddie:** are you outside yet

**mike:** yeah just got here

went by target to get a couple snacks

**eddie:** comrade

**mike:** do we know which room yet?

**eddie:** no

hold on i’ll ask ben

**ed edd and eddie baby -> beanie baby**

_15:35_

**eddie:** benny

**ben:** eddy

**eddie:** that’s cursed

which room are you guys in?

**ben:** english room

**eddie:** ugh fuck

2nd floor

**ben:** yeah you’re not gonna be able to get through the window

**eddie:** hey

you don’t know the range of my skills

**ben:** i-

are you gonna?

**eddie:** >:)

**sunflower vol. 6 -> disaster gay 1**

_15:43_

**mike:** what the fuck?

was that loud ass crash i just heard you?

**eddie:** i will not make any comments on the matter

**mike:** eddie-

**eddie:** i…mayhaps…tried to scale the wall up to the english room

**mike:** what the fuck 

it’s on the 2nd floor

**eddie:** can you help me up i can’t feel my legs

**mike:** god

i’ll be there in a sec

**circus type beat (produced by britney)**

_15:52_

**soft michaelangelo:** [fallenangel.mp4]

_a video of mike rounding the corner of the building and laughing_

**m:** oh honey…

_he zooms in on _ ** _eddie_ ** _, who had fallen into a bush_

**e **_weakly_**_:_ **leave me here to die

**sharkbi:** and icarus falls down from the sky

**bichárd:** EDS WHAT THE FUCK

are you okay baby :(

**lavagay:** EDDIE LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

**chickadee:** what the fuck so i didn’t hallucinate seeing someone in the window

**danny phantom:** did he break his arm again

**bitchéd:** i’m alive

**bichárd:** eds :(((((

**bitchéd:** its ok i get my calcium my bones are okay

i can’t feel my leg though

**soft michaelangelo:** we’re breaking into the nurse’s office first

**bichárd:** i’ll kiss it better xoxoxoxoxoxo

**bitchéd:** do it pussy come to the nurse’s office

**bunsolved:** oh fuck someone make a distraction

**sharkbi:** great distraction bev

**chickadee:** “i think i just got my period and i need my emotional support richard with me”

**soft michaelangelo: **sounds about right

**lavagay:** and it WORKED

in all realness though i’m pretty sure i actually got it so imma dip

**danny phantom:** yes ma’am

**bichárd:** comrade

_16:21_

**bichárd:** [thepatient+mikeybeingcute.jpg]

_a picture of_ ** _ eddie_ ** _ with a lollipop in his mouth, rolling his eyes. there’s a few themed bandages on his knees. _ ** _mike_ ** _ is in the frame giving a thumbs up_

**sharkbi:** good file name

**chickadee:** rt

**soft michaelangelo:** im love u

**danny phantom:** ah fuck bring back some lollipops for the rest of us

**bichárd:** why should i

**chickadee:** marxism

**danny phantom:** and because you love me :/

but mostly marxism

**bichárd:** can’t argue with that

**lavagay:** karl marx dad

**eddie marsh -> bevvie kasp**

_16:29_

**eddie:** i have a brilliant idea

for how me and mike can get into detention

**bev:** go off

**eddie:** ok so basically there’s those vents

**bev:** sounds great so far chief

**eddie:** we climb into them

**bev:** uh huh yes

**eddie:** and we get in

**bev:** yes but consider: mike plays football and is both taller and broader than you

little twig man

**eddie:** mean :(

**bev:** you know i’m right

**eddie:** okay yeah

**bev:** also won’t you need someone to get flores out of the classroom

**eddie:** i’m betting on the hopes that she is just So Old that she wouldn’t notice

**bev:** i…

well i can’t do another distraction for you bud i used the period card already

**eddie**: god damn it

**wheezy little brother -> stanny birb**

_16:32_

**eddie:** stan

distract flores for me

**stan:** and how would i do that

**eddie:** fake an epileptic seizure?

**stan:** i- 

i’m not epileptic

**eddie:** and that’s why you’d be faking it

**stan:** wait. was that

a [REDACTED] reference

**eddie:** mayhaps

but is it worse that i made it or that you recognised it?

**stan:** ok-

**eddie:** talk to her about her crosswords you’re lame like that

**stan:** rude

but i do love a crossword

**eddie:** love you xo

**disaster gay 1 -> sunflower vol. 6**

_16:35_

**eddie:** we’re climbing through the vents

**mike:** what

**eddie:** we’re climbing through the vents come on

**mike:** what the fuck

you know how small those things are right

**eddie:** yes

i’m already in it come with me

**mike:** sir yes sir

**my beautiful boy michael -> queen of my life**

_16:40_

**mike:** i have a brilliant idea

**bev: **that’s exactly what eddie said

**mike:** just,

start filming in like, 2 minutes

**bev:** inchresting….

**mike:** it’s gonna be so funny

**bev:** i trust your judgement

can’t wait babe

**mike:** in a bit ;)

**circus type beat (produced by britney)**

_16:48_

**lavagay:** [theidiocyofitall.mp4]

_a video of the losers in detention: _ ** _richie _ ** _and _ ** _bev_ ** _ are on the couch_

_she zooms in on _ ** _stan_ ** _, who’s sitting on **ms flores’** desk and talking to her about her crossword_

**r:** what the fuck is stan doing

**ben:** he’s a nerd like that

**bill:** when are eddie and mike coming?

**bev **_trying to stifle a laugh:_ soon, i can feel it

_the door opens and _ ** _mike_ ** _ walks in_

**r:** wow

**bev: **my MIND

**m:** hi ms flores, can i chill in here for a bit?

_ he winks at stan _

**ms flores:** oh, hi michael, sure you can

this is a detention, though

**m:** yeah, i don’t mind

_mike joins richie and bev on the couch_

**bev:** any moment now-

_the vent on the ceiling opens and _ ** _eddie _ ** _falls though_

_ben barely manages to catch him, or at least, break his fall_

**r:** what the fuck? eds?

_bev bursts out laughing_

_eddie, still in ben’s arms, notices mike sitting on the couch_

_he narrows his eyes at him, they hold eye contact and it’s dead silent_

**e:** michael-

**m **_innocently:_hi

**bitchéd: **mike i can’t beLIEVE you just walked in and left me to fall out of a vent

**soft michaelangelo:** flores loves me

**danny phantom:** this video is cinematic history and i want it burned into my brain

**sharkbi:** the 5 seconds of dead silence after eddie falls

**soft michaelangelo:** oscar worthy

**lavagay:** i consider myself a filmmaker

**chickadee:** today is just eddie finding different ways to injure himself

**bichárd:** don’t do that again eds :(

don’t wanna see u hurt

**bitchéd:** yes, i plan on falling out of vents all the time rich

cute that you care about my safety tho :)

**get in loser we’re yearning**

_17:17_

**richiey kaspbrak:** good evening gays and gaydies

**aishy marsh:** im gaydies!

**richiey kaspbrak:** you are! lets go lesbians

**mikey uris:** here we go lesbians

**benny marsh:** here we go lesbians come on

**aishy marsh:** hell yeah

**richiey kaspbrak:** since we’re in detention for our weekly yearning club meeting we’re having it over text

**aishy marsh:** aren’t you guys all in the same room

**benny marsh:** perhaps

**mikey uris:** we’re not meant to be talking though

**richiey kaspbrak:** ok we’ll start with our yearning updates

i love eddie so much we spent last sunday vibing and cuddling

**benny marsh:** i was with bill stan and mike on sunday it was a Vibe

**mikey uris:** it really was

** benny ** ** marsh:** i Would Like to be Held

** richiey ** ** kaspbrak:** holding u rn xo

**mikey uris:** well you guys already saw me yearning today so there’s mine

i love stan so much look at his lil face rn

and the way that he was going off about crosswords when i came in??? he's so cute wtf

**aishy marsh:** i can’t see him but i’m sure he looks as cute as ever

me and bev are coming up to 8 months :) i love her so much

**richiey kaspbrak:** our girl…

**benny marsh:** [bevvie.jpg] ((a picture of bev drawing something on stan’s arm))

**aishy marsh:** i should’ve gotten detention god damn it

**mikey uris: **yeah smh

**aishy marsh:** but it gets on your record man didn’t wanna risk it

**benny marsh:** you sound like eddie

**richiey kaspbrak:** im in love with u aisha

**aishy marsh:** 😳

**benny marsh:** now it’s time for real yearning hours everyone put your earphones in

**richiey kaspbrak:** our yearning song for today is to be so lonely by sir styles

**mikey uris:** is that the ukulele one

**benny marsh:** yes

**mikey uris:** i love that one :)

**richiey kaspbrak:** mike is cultured

_17:26_

** _bev_ ** _ created the chat_ ** _ what the fuck_ **

** _bev_ ** _ added _ ** _eddie_ ** _,_ ** _ stan _ ** _and _ ** _bill_ **

**bev:** [whatthefuck.jpg] ((a picture of richie, ben and mike. they’re sitting in a circle, all of them with earphones in and their eyes closed))

**bill:** they look like a cult

**eddie:** i think this is one of their yearning things

**stan:** i…their what?

**eddie:** yknow, the yearning thing

**bill:** i don’t think  ❤️

**stan:** we know this and we love you

**bev:** midsommar who????

**eddie:** i wanna be florence pugh in a swedish cult

**stan:** that’s the dream

**bill:** they started swaying

**bev:** cult type beat?

**eddie:** i’m scared

**circus type beat (produced by britney)**

_17:34_

**sharkbi:** i want to get broken up with so i can truly understand fine line

**lavagay:** was our 14 year old break up not enough for you benny

**danny phantom:** or our dramatic april fools break up? damn

**sharkbi:** unfortunately not

**lavagay:** wow smh

breaking up with you now

**sharkbi:** thank god, i can Listen to fine line now

**chickadee:** so that’s what you guys were doing

**sharkbi:** yes

**lavagay:** you looked like a cult

**bichárd:** who’s to say we aren’t?

**danny phantom:** ominous! i hate it!

**soft michaelangelo:** ;)

**bitchéd: **i…

the only song i’ve heard off the album is sunflower bc the title made me think of mike

**chickadee:** word

**danny phantom:** rt

**soft michaelangelo:** :) its a nice song i love sunflowers

**chickadee:** you’re my sunflower :)

**soft michaelangelo: **i’ll kiss u right now

**bichárd:** cowards listen to the whole album

**bitchéd** listen to it with me then

**bichárd:** oh fuck…

**lavagay**: the inherent homoeroticism of listening to music together

**danny phantom**: ok you know what, im not ashamed to admit that i’ve bopped to fine line

we might not be d*rectioners but we recognise Art when we see it

**soft michaelangelo** honestly same

adore you makes me think of stan :)

**chickadee:** i adore _you_ mike

**lavagay:** i, mayhaps, listened to it with ben and aisha last week

**bichárd:** VINDICATTTIOOOONNNNN

**sharkbi:** another win for the directioners

this is growth i’m proud of you guys

_17:46_

**chickadee:** so like…is detention usually meant to last this long

**lavagay:** idk i’ve only ever had detentions during the week

**sharkbi:** i’ve never gotten detention

**soft michaelangelo:** i know this and i love you

**danny phantom:** flores looks…dead

**bitchéd:** yeah she really didn’t notice me fall from the ceiling

**bichárd:** are you okay eds :(

**bitchéd:** STOP caring about my safety i WILL kiss you

**chickadee:** im fuckin hungry we finished mike’s snacks

which, firstly, our lord and saviour mike hanlon

**lavagay:** all hail

**danny phantom:** all hail

**bitchéd:** all hail

**sharkbi:** all hail

**bichárd:** all hail

ok what if we……………

**chickadee:** inchresting……………

**danny phantom:** they just locked eyes from across the room

**sharkbi:** what are you guys thinking about

**lavagay:** chaotic to chaotic telepathy

**chickadee:** we’re gonna break out and get food

**soft michaelangelo:** wow my boyfriend is so rebellious  🥰🥰

**danny phantom:** he just spent like 15 minutes talking to the detention supervisor about crosswords

**soft michaelangelo:** yes and?

**danny phantom:** ok good point

**bitchéd:** do you think…the cafeteria…still has tater tots…

**bichárd: **exactly my train of thought eds i’m in love with you

**bitchéd:** ugh our minds

**lavagay:** ok so rich and stan are gonna bring back a full course meal

**chickadee:** exactly

**sharkbi:** incredibly brave

**soft michaelangelo:** our brothers in arms

**lavagay:** o7

**bitchéd:** okay…..consider….how are you gonna manage to bring back all the food

_17:52_

**bitchéd:** ok good point

**lavagay:** power move

**sharkbi:** they really said aight imma dip god damn

**danny phantom:** really curious abt how they’re gonna bring it all back

**bitchéd:** ok in the mean time then everyone get on messages so we can play crazy8s

**soft michaelangelo:** i’m gonna fuckin win this time i swear

**lavagay:** but that would mean using the reverse skip and + cards

**soft michaelangelo:** :/

**danny phantom:** mike hanlon stop being the kindest person on earth challenge

**sharkbi:** i WILL destroy all of you

**bitchéd:** oh god oh FUCK

**lavagay:** ben playing card games scares the shit out of me

**danny phantom:** remember when he stacked up to +24 on richie

**soft michaelangelo:** i swear he was never the same after that

**sharkbi:** i remember and i have NO regrets

**lavagay:** god damn ben

**danny phantom:** no ragrets <3

**go crazy (8) go stupid**

_18:04_

**_benny_ ** _changed their name to _ ** _uno overlord_ **

_crazy 8s_

_uno overlord won!_

**bill:** what the FUCK man

**eddie:** you can barely stack on the app how the fuck

**bev:** bill how does it feel to have lost that badly

**bill:** feels like pure shit just want to win one game

**eddie:** oh to be bill with 20 cards

**uno overlord:** :)

**bill:** :(

**mike:** ben hanscom you terrify me

**uno overlord:** :o) 

**eddie:** dear god

**bev:** the mad lad did it

**bill:** IS THAT A CL*WN NOSE YOU ADDED BENJAMIN

**uno overlord:** perhaps

**eddie:** crazy8s really beings out an awful side of ben huh

**uno overlord: **who’s to say this isn’t the real me?? :)

**mike:** mom i’m scared come pick me up

**bev:** i just want some tots man

**eddie:** remember when mercedehswhjskhjghkjdf-

**uno overlord:** THANK YOU BEV

**mike:** do NOT

**bill:** disGUSTING vibes edward

**eddie:** bev there’s a tiny crack on my phone screen now i’m calling the police

**bev:** do it pussy they’ll be on my side

**uno overlord:** honestly yeah,

**bill:** if i were judge judy i’d sentence you to death

**mike: **edward kaspbrak-marsh-hanscom-tozier - the crime? making a gl** reference on main

**eddie:** i hate it here

**bill:** it’s what you deserve

** _eddie_ ** _ changed their name to _ ** _tried to take away my tots_ **

**bev:** god DAMN IT

** _bev _ ** _changed their name to _ ** _hell to the no_ **

**mike:** i hate this chat

_18:08_

_incoming call from _ ** _don’t answer _ ** _to _ ** _stanny the xanny_ **

**r: **so tell me again why we’re sneaking into the cafeteria from opposite ends

**s:** for the DRAMA of it all

**r:** i see

so like, a heist movie

**s:** of course

i can hear the soundtrack in my head rich

_richie starts singing the mission impossible theme song_

yeah that

imagine mission impossible but like…make it toxic by britney spears

**r:** holy shit

_stan starts humming the song_

you know no one is here this late right

no need to be sneaking around

**s:** i’m do theatre i’m legally obligated to be over the top

**r **_under his breath:_ bop bop bop bop to the top

**s **_taking it seriously_**_:_** slip and slide and ride that rhythm

**r:** jump and hop hop till we drop

**s:** and staaaaart again

zip zap zop pop like a mop

**r:** scoot around the corner

**both:** move it to the groove till the music stopssss

do the bop bop bop to the top

don’t ever stop

**s:** i think i found the tots

**r: **we should start a band

**s:** we tried that freshman year it was awful

**r:** yeah but what if we did it with exclusively high school musical songs

**s:** dude…….we’re getting the band back together

anyways get your ass over here we have tots to deliver

_call ended_

**circus type beat (produced by britney)**

_18:21_

**sharkbi:** okay there’s no way we still have to be here

**lavagay:** where the FUCK are stan and rich i’m Hungry

**chickadee:** [robinhood.jpg] 

_a picture of _ ** _stan_ ** _ and _ ** _richie_ ** _, both holding up a tater tot_

**danny phantom:** OUR KINGS

**sharkbi: **COMRADES

**soft michaelangelo:** another win for communism

**lavagay:** robin hood perhaps…a commie icon?

**bichárd:** anyone else think fox robin hood was kinda hot

**bitchéd:** what the fuck richard

**danny phantom:** …lowkey?

**lavagay:** i am so glad i’m gay

**soft michaelangelo:** what in the god damn

**bevvie my love -> my sweet aisha**

_18:24_

**bev:** BABE I’M FUCKING CRYING

**aisha:** are you still at school????

**bev: **YEAH

[kings.jpg] 

_ a picture of **stan** and **richie** in the doorway of the classroom, they’re both holding the bottoms of their shirts up, with tater tots piled inside _

**aisha:** holy shit

incredible

**bev:** there are actually tears coming out of my eyes

**aisha:** send pics  😳

**bev:** [crying.jpg] 

_a picture of _ ** _bev_ ** _ really close up from a low angle, she is indeed crying_

**aisha:** when she’s still cute even while crying ://

**bev:** shut up i love you

**aisha:** come over when you leave?

**bev: **hell yea babey

i’ll save you some tots

**aisha:** i’m in love with you for real

**bev:** :)

**circus type beat (produced by britney)**

_18:28_

**soft michaelangelo:** do you think flores would go with us if we said we wanted to get milkshakes

**lavagay:** maybe if stan asked

**chickadee:** PLEASE. I DONT WANT THIS TO BE MY LEGACY

**bichárd:** stan’s a teacher’s pet :/// hate him

**soft michaelangelo:** stan’s gonna leave me for a 64 year old woman

**chickadee:** michael-

**bitchéd:** guys i swear she’s dead she hasn’t blinked for a full minute

**bichárd:** stan’s a widow  😔

**chickadee:** i hate it here

**danny phantom:** lgbt stands for lets get bthese tmilkshakes

**lavagay:** bill king of spelling <3

**sharkbi:** lets make like a banana……………and split

**soft michaelangelo:** BEN PLEASE

**danny phantom:** ben….

**chickadee:** he’s a poet!!!!

**bitchéd:** i’m leaving

**bichárd:** mad lad really walked tf out

**lavagay:** ben has such a way with words

willy shakes who?

**sharkbi:** B)

**chickadee:** ben i care for you

**bitchéd:** is anyone gonna come with me or am i having a milkshake by myself

**chickadee:** do you think they still do that huge ass shake

**danny phantom:** i sure HOPE they do

**soft michaelangelo:** lets go losers here we go losers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh wow it's been a while since i updated this  
i've had the majority of this chapter written since about april but i never got around to finishing it because of school and other interests taking over so i'm sorry for the wait!  
this might be the last update for a while too because i've pretty much run out of ideas for this fic, so i hope you've enjoyed it up until this point :)
> 
> as always, find me on tumblr at aahelvede.tumblr.com, and feel free to send me asks!


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